F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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If you need help using the forum please reach out to one of the moderators (listed below), or email us at bronwen@feast-ed.org.

Stubby_USA
Hello Dear Friends

I write today with a very heavy heart.   3 weeks ago our beloved daughter who had fought so valiantly and was so proud of her work in recovery found herself struggling mightily against another serious relapse.    She desperately hid her fight, although we certainly noticed ED behaviors returning and talked to her and her counselors about it.  She vehemently denied any problems.   For whatever reason she decided to not accept any of the help she was offered, and on Dec. 3 she ended her battle with ED, anxiety and depression on her own terms.   We are, as you would expect, devastated by her loss.   

I know this is not the encouraging outcome that we all are seeking so desperately, but we all know going into this fight that eating disorders are the deadliest mental illnesses out there.    

Nonetheless - don't give up the fight.   Ever.    Living the fight is far preferable to this alternative.   Every trip to a treatment center or a therapist - count it as a blessing.    Every fight with an unreasonable and unpleasant child - look at it as better than no fight at all.    It is so hard to find any joy in the middle of the battle, but I can tell you that it sure beats the alternative.   

I'll leave my one last bit of encouragement to the words of Winston Churchill:
“Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never—in nothing, great or small, large or petty—never give in, except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.” 
----    "Parenting is not for cowards."
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Cherryusa
Stubby,

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your precious child. I don't even know what else I can say.
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sunnyday
Dear Stubby,

I think I am the first to see your heartbreaking post.  Don't even ask me why I am on the forum on Christmas Eve.  No matter....I am sitting here with tears just pouring down...for you, your d and your family.  I am so, so very sorry for your loss.  The words just don't flow nicely at this point. I am just heartbroken on your behalf.

ED is a vicious, nasty, vile, horrible illness and it always takes away the sweetest, most compassionate, talented, brave kids.  Please accept my heartfelt condolences and prayers this holiday season.
Daughter diagnosed 2010 (9th grade) with AN/Binge/Purge.  D. had brewing ED thoughts as early as 4th grade. Constant battle with ED from 2010-present.  Co-morbid anxiety & depression & suicidal thoughts & self-harm.  Most recently in intense DBT/ED program outpatient . Weight restored but not happy about it.
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hbeatsaUSA
Oh, Stubby. My heart breaks for you. I am so sorry. Please know that I am sending my love across the miles. Every moment is a gift 
D- 21 w long history of RAN (that seems to be in remission, thankfully)
Me- Stephanie
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atdt31_US
So very sorry for your loss and in awe of your fight!  No other words come to mind at the moment.  Thinking of your family!
Mom of either pre-diagnosis or non-ed underweight 12 yoa (as of March 2018) kid here to learn how to achieve weight gain.  BMI steadily in the mid 12's for nearly her entire life.  Born 2006. UPDATE:  April 2018 diagnosed ARFID, based solely on weight being less than 75% of Ideal Body Weight.  Mildly picky, but mostly the problem is a volume/early satiety issue, along with abdominal discomfort and chronic constipation, all present since birth.  UPDATE:  July 2019 diagnosed with PANS. Dr. said likely started first PANS episode at less than 1 or 2 years of age.  On long-term daily prophylactic antibiotics. FWIW ED-D is a fraternal twin and we have no other kids.
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Sotired
Oh stubby.
You all fought so valiantly.the only thing to take comfort in is knowing that you did everything you could possibly do.you gave your beautiful daughter every opportunity that you could.you all in your family loved her to the moon and back.now she will rest easy,her weary body and mind finally at peace.
Find peace in the love you all had for each other.cling to that now.if you need us to talk about your girl,we are here for you.a body that battled is now a soul in peace.let perpetual light shine upon her and may love surround your family in this time of grief.
My thoughts and prayers are with you at this time,
Nikki( so tired)
Sotired42
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Doitagain
Stubby - i am heartbroken for you. It emphasis all of our fights. There are no words. I will pray for you, your family, and your lovely daughter. As I say, no words are appropriate other than I grieve with you.xxx
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AUSSIEedfamily
Dear Stubby,

My most sincere condolences for your loss. We are one of the fortunate ones who have a recovered daughter although twice we were on the cusp of where you are now.

This is why now I now work for improvements in treatment
ED Dad
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sk8r31
Devastated for you & family, and sending condolences to you all.

From one parent to another, I've no doubt about how hard you & your dear daughter have fought this terrible illness.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs,
sk8r31
It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
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AriUS
Dear Stubby,
No words, just tears...
Please accept my deapest condolences.
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mnmomUSA
I am in tears for you.  So very very sorry for your loss.  There is nothing more to say.  :-(

D, age 18, first diagnosed March 20, 2013, RAN, at age 13 Hospitalized 3 weeks for medical stability. FBT at home since.  UCSD Multi-family Intensive June 2015. We've arrived on the other side.  :-)  D at college and doing great!
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Torie
Oh no. No. I am so very sorry, Stubby. I remember how valiantly you fought to get her proper care, how you refused to take no for an answer when one provider after another wouldn't help. Your love and determination was and will remain an inspiration to us all - you're an amazing dad. Thank you for taking the time to write this post to let us know - I'm sure it was incredibly difficult. I will keep you in my thoughts.

xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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bicycle
I am also heartbroken for you.  I know how hard you guys were fighting for her. 
14-year-old daughter with restrictive ED including symptoms of exercise compulsion and orthorexia; dx at age 11. Weight loss/illness onset due to underfueling for sports.  Still recovering!
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hopefulmama
Oh Stubby. I don't have any words. I too recall your valiant work to help your daughter. My heart breaks for all of you. My thoughts and prayers for your family. I am so incredibly sorry!
Enjoying my 23 year-old daughter's achievement of active recovery that was made possible by the resources and education I found on this forum.

Don't give up hope!
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Colleen
Stubby, there just aren't any words. Just know that we are beside you in spirit, grieving with you and your family. I'm so sorry.
Colleen in the great Pacific Northwest, USA

"What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease."
Alexander Pope, 1688-1744
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K63
Dear stubby, it's early morning here Christmas morning. as this forum has been my lifeline I am on to see how everyone is doing.I am heartbroken for you and your family..We had a tough day yesterday .out of the blue and I felt like running away . But thanks to all help here and Eva musby s videos we got through it but it does make us see what an awful deadly illness this is and how it torments our children and adults . Thanks for your words of encouragement also as you must be so devastated thinking of you through this terrible time.
Daughter started restricting in February 2014, tried re feeding at home hospital admission 4 1/2 months weight restored started restricting post discharge, back on meal plan full supervision weight restored april 2016. Starting to hand back responsibility for meals it's scary. 
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peony
Dearest Stubby,

I am so, so sorry.  So sad.  I will think of you often in the weeks to come.  A massive hug to you and your dear family. xxxxx
Peony
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Foodsupport_AUS
You and your D fought valiantly. I am so sorry for your loss. Words can never express the grief or loss that you must feel. You are in my thoughts.
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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NELLY_UK
I am so so sorry your d lost her life to this vile illness. I will heed your words. I cannot imagine how you will go on.
Tears and heartbreak here for the struggle you went through. You did everything you could.
Words fail me.
NELLY D 20 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. ED/Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
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JustFlippinEatItNZ
:-( Really hard. Thinking of you.
19yo D, AN since Sept 2014. Was wt restored for a year or two but now starving again, refusing treatment or to admit she has a problem. BMI guesstimate around 13 or 14. Has left home.
Very sad Mum.
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OneToughMomma
Dear Stubby,

With tears streaming down my face  my heart is breaking for your and your family.  You must be so weary from your battles and your loss, and yet you find the strength to encourage us.

With sincerest condolences,

xoOTM
D in and out of EDNOS since age 8. dx RAN 2013. WR Aug '14. Graduated FBT June 2015 at 18 yrs old. [thumb]
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Bottle
So sorry for you, your family and also your D . Absolutely tragic news. Heartbreaking. You are incredible being able to post positivity and determination through your sadness. What an inspiration. Thinking of you.
Bottle
D2 RAN as part of Pervasive Refusal Syndrome with a history of not walking for a year and being non verbal for a short while too. Considered to be Aspergers by everyone that has worked with her and by us but still awaiting a diagnosis that'll help us access support services she needs.
D1 recovered RAN and D3 doing pretty well considering the mayhem around here!
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enoughalready1
I am so deeply sorry for your loss.  There are no words.  My prayers are with you and your family.

Mother of 21-year-old
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momof4_US
Stubby,

Feeling incredible sadness for you and your family.  With this being said I appreciate your post.  It has given me some needed energy to fight the fight of this mental illness which persists relentlessly.  Thank you for sharing.   May your family find some peace and comfort.
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NeeNee
Words escape me, but I am so sorry you've lost your daughter. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
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