F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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If you need help using the forum please reach out to one of the moderators (listed below), or email us at bronwen@feast-ed.org.

Contrast
Hi All,

First post for me, although I have visited this site recently. I joined today following listening to two podcasts by Tabitha Farrar, where she talks to JD Ouellette on Parenting a Child Through an Eating Disorder.

Although I'm not sure where to start, or if this forum is the right place for it? I figure I'll start from today.

At the moment I have a lot to relate, yet mostly have lot's of questions as well, which I'll get to at some point soon.

As for today, my wife and I did the two hour long return drive to see our 15½ year old daughter in hospital. Which she has variously been (mostly in) since February this year.

As seems to be quite common our daughter is a bright, talented and highly accomplished child. Who started dieting late last year and is now in the grip of Anorexia.

At the moment she is in a locked psychiatric ward in a children's hospital, since following her release from hospital for a week, we couldn't get her to eat and had little answer for her violence and rage.

So we took her back to hospital yesterday through Emergency. Where she fortunately calmed down enough, to walk into the ward with a security escort.

This evening, we were only able to get there for an hour long visit, yet it only lasted minutes with her, as she became angered by our presence with enumerate expletives quickly following.

Despite the visit being short lived, it was helpful talking to the nurse who had been with her through the day. While listening to the before mentioned podcast has also helped as well.

Anyway I'm a bit worn at the moment, so I'll leave it at this for now and will post more later. That said hello to you all and thank-you for your time.

All the best.


D.
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deenl
Hi Contrast and Welcome to the forum.

The initial phases are very difficult and emotional. None of us could quite believe the situation we found ourselves in!

The one thing that has been most important to me in helping my son is good quality, up-to-date information. I read like a mad thing for the first couple of weeks. You are off to a great start with Tabitha's podcasts. Here are some of my favourite rescources.

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When Your Teen has an Eating Disorder by Lauren Muhlheim. This is a very clear straight talking guide for parents. I am well through the traumatic refeeding but I have still found lots of ideas to keep us in recovery. It is really great for giving you the framework and detail you need fast but lacks some of detail that Eva's book has.

Here is the link to Eva Musy's website. Eva is a mom who has been through the AN journey with her daughter. Her book 'Anorexia and other eating disorders' is great with absolutely loads of information. When I was screaming out for the answer to BUT HOW this was the book that helped me.

Another book I loved is Carrie Arnold's Decoding Anorexia. Carrie is a science journalist and had Anorexia for over a decade. This book combines the biology of the illness (in a way us non-scientists can follow) with her own story of recovery. Fascinating read that helps you understand all the strange symptoms of the illness.

The website I found most useful was the Kartini Clinic blog. And of course, FEAST's own Family Guide Series.

With proper information, I was empowered when I interacted with professionals but ultimately, 95% of recovery happens at home with the family. But remember there is no prescription for the treatment of EDs and you will need lots of feedback and trial and error to find what works for all the glorious individuals in your particular situation.

And one other thing - there is no possible way we could have done it withour the combined wisdom of the parents on the forum here. We did not make any progress until my constant searching brought me here. So come back often to vent, think aloud and ask for lots of ideas to choose from.


Wishing you strength and courage,

D
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
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scaredmom
Hi I welcome you too Contrast.
i do hope you find the support and information you need to help your d.
The resources deenl has posted for you are wonderful.
I would recommend you take the tome to read around the forum and start getting the home ready for her discharge.
I found it helpful to keep the same routine and the hospital. So watch and learn from the ward, it may help keep you a bit ahead of ED when she gets home.
It is a very wearing illness and of course you would be worn out. Please take tome to rest and do some nice things too. You will need to be on top top shape when she comes home. The heavy lifting really does happen at home.
Glad you made it to the forum and so sorry you needed to find yourself here.
XXX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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tina72
Contrast wrote:

Although I'm not sure where to start, or if this forum is the right place for it? I figure I'll start from today.


A very warm welcome from Germany and YES:
This forum is the right place and the best to get information, cheerleading and a handhold from wonderful parents from all over the world that know exactly what you are talking about.
Great to have another dad around (you might like to read strawdogs posts)! Please be aware that this is a public forum and names can be found by google. If you used your real name please think about editing it. You can do that when you click on the 3 points on the right side of your post and there will be a pencil for "edit".

Contrast wrote:
At the moment I have a lot to relate, yet mostly have lot's of questions as well, which I'll get to at some point soon.


Come back with your 1 million questions when you are ready, we are here to help you. You are not alone!

Contrast wrote:
As for today, my wife and I did the two hour long return drive to see our 15½ year old daughter in hospital. Which she has variously been (mostly in) since February this year.

As seems to be quite common our daughter is a bright, talented and highly accomplished child. Who started dieting late last year and is now in the grip of Anorexia.

At the moment she is in a locked psychiatric ward in a children's hospital, since following her release from hospital for a week, we couldn't get her to eat and had little answer for her violence and rage.

So we took her back to hospital yesterday through Emergency. Where she fortunately calmed down enough, to walk into the ward with a security escort.

This evening, we were only able to get there for an hour long visit, yet it only lasted minutes with her, as she became angered by our presence with enumerate expletives quickly following.

Despite the visit being short lived, it was helpful talking to the nurse who had been with her through the day. While listening to the before mentioned podcast has also helped as well.

Anyway I'm a bit worn at the moment, so I'll leave it at this for now and will post more later. That said hello to you all and thank-you for your time.


All you write sounds very similiar to the situation we nearly all started with. Yes, they are nearly all very bright and highly intelligent, that is part of the genetic ED character. The violence and rage is normal for the start in refeeding. You will learn how to cope with that and what to do when she refuses to eat. She hates you at the moment because you require eating but it is ED that hates you. Your d is still inside and she is desperately hungry and she needs you to take over to be able to eat again.
To give you some hope, I was were you are 2 years ago with my then 17 year old d and today she is in very good recovery and eating everything again and with pleasure and she is able to go to university today. 2 years ago she was nearly dying and severly underweight. Do not lose hope, AN is a treatable disease and you can help her to recover 100%.

Do you already know Eva Musbys book and homepage https://anorexiafamily.com/?
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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scaredmom
I just picked up on the fact she is in a locked psych ward. Are they feeding her to get good weight gain? That will be the key here.
Have they discussed what the plans are for moving forward?
is your medical team well versed in ED and using evidence based medicine practices?
i see on your profile there are issues with ASD? 
Sorry for all the questions it helps us understand your situation better so we can formulate more specific answers/advice 
XXX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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tina72
I saw that you wrote on your profile that she is probably autism/asperger. I want you to know that many Ed patients show symptoms of autism or OCD that are caused by the malnutrition and that disappear again with weight restoration. If she was not autistic her whole life before ED moved in it is not very probably she is truely diagnosed autistic at that age.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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