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AJW Show full post »
AJW

Still struggling. Feeling frustrated. Feeling unhappy. 
My d still refusing to increase food intake. She had slightly reduced walks but not enough. 

I know what we need to do but can’t seem to make it happen. 

keep reading books/articles which confirm what needs to happen. I keep reminding myself how far we’ve come but am worried recovery is now stuck. The rules and habits around food and other daily routines are so ingrained. It feels like torture watching my d continue with these routines. 

I also feel an overwhelming responsibility to get her better. It feels like it’s just me against AN. 

sorry to offload, feeling sorry for myself. I know I need to dig deeper and be more positive, but finding it so hard. 

Thanks for listening x

 

 

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ValentinaGermania
She will refuse that forever and it is too much to want her to engage in it,
YOU need to require it and just do it. It is not necessary to discuss that with her. Up the intake in what you serve. She does not even need to know it. Put butter, cream and oil in everything you cook.

"It feels like torture watching my d continue with these routines. "
It is torture to have an ED and you can stop that torture, You just need to dare to say NO.

"It feels like it’s just me against AN. "
YES! That is true! So start that fight NOW! AN is not your friend. You will only get your life back when you fight AN out of your house!

How can we help you?
Can you tell us what she eats so we can brainstorm ideas where to sneak in calories?
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Enn

You know AJW, I know you KNOW what to do now you need to FEEL it inside of you to make it happen. It is a weird transformation that many of us (me) had to go through internally to get the job done. What helped me was that I had plans if she did not eat what I gave her. I had another meal (leftovers). If she did not eat then she knew I could take her to the hospital. When she refused food I told her that that was not allowed. Strange but that worked! 

My d had a ramekin she measured things in.  It was suggested to me here on the forum, to get rid of it. I did and she yelled and screamed but I did it. 

What are your d’s rules and rituals? remember many of us have had similar things. Maybe we could help with ideas?

it is fine to feel sorry for yourself.  This is tough. Take some time , steel yourself and  when you are ready,  come out with your ED face on and no holds barred mindset! You can do this! You have done this already and now you can fight it  through! 

You’ve got this! You really do!

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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AJW

Repetitive menu. Same breakfast, snacks, same lunches on set days, maybe 5 different options for dinner. 

walk after protein bar snack. Can’t get her to reduce or change timing. Unable to stop walking. Always watches Friends on Tv whilst eating snack. 

set food portions, obsessive calorie counting. Avoidance of fat and sugar. when playing games, cards, etc, set rules about when to look at cards, how to organise playing pieces...,

I know I need to change things but I’m scared of failure. 



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Enn

Ok I get that. Everything in ED is learning not failure. I know you know this: unless you try you won’t know that it will work. And yes there is a chance it won’t but what other option do you really have? You are upset where you are now. There needs to be a change. It was helpful to me to get rid of d’s ‘favourite’ foods so that I had the excuse that we did not have it. It is ok to watch the same show but the food is your war zone . That stuff needs to move.

until You are ready, things won’t change. You are the driver of the change if you want it. 

Having plans in place before the worst happens will allow you to move forward. Having the escape hatch is your safety.
Remembered well when you make the change you really could be very successful! 
You do have this in you. That is where it starts YOU not her. What support can we offer specifically to you? 

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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ValentinaGermania
AJW wrote:

Repetitive menu. Same breakfast, snacks, same lunches on set days, maybe 5 different options for dinner. 




That is no problem if she eats the same every day. What does she eat? Can you prepare fortified versions of it?

AJW wrote:

walk after protein bar snack. Can’t get her to reduce or change timing. Unable to stop walking.



Some parents stopped walking by taking away the front door key and locking away the shoes. They do normally not go for a walk on socks.
Do you already have a tracking app on her phone?
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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MKR
How about, no walk unless she eats that bigger meal you serve her? You do have to stay calm saying it.

Games: try a different game? One where she  doesn't even know the rules.  And make losing points funny, like some silly "punishment", like sing a song, wear a hat, walk with a ball between the ankles etc. This should remove the compulsion to win. Start slowly, of course. 
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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Torie
HI AJW, in your first post, you said, "My 15 yr old daughter was diagnosed with AN jan 2019. Restricting calories. Rapid weight loss, signed off school, admitted to inpatient unit for 3 months. Gained 10kg in as many weeks as inpatient but since discharge hasn’t made any progress. Avoids sugar and fat. Every snack/meal tricky. Just don’t know how to increase her menu and introduce fear foods. Feels like we’ll be stuck like this forever. "

Can I ask what the unit did to achieve 10 kg gain in 10 weeks?  It sounds like they found a winning strategy.  Is it safe to assume they did not permit her to "avoid sugar and fat"?  She really needs them!  We cannot force our kids to eat,  but we can require them to.  She is not able to choose to increase fats and sugar - she needs you to do that for her.

It is hard - so very hard.  But it is not going to get easier if you wait for her to find motivation.  As the others have said, she needs you to take charge and require her to eat those fats and sugars.  How can we help? xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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