F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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A bit of an odd one I know but does anyone else feel judged a little in fbt?
We are about to go through this me and my d and then ex and d. I feel this is only going to drag up all the old dramas and I do t want to have to justify myself now for things that happened years ago

I know it’s not about me and my d is the important one but when your divorced and it was extremely hostile I feel this could end up being a battle zone. They already picked up on the tension just in the assessment meeting
My ex is ex military and barks orders if you know what I mean. I really don’t want to have to go through all this again
Sorry to moan
Thanks mimi
That’s reassuring
If the FBT therapist will ever judge you or ex or something that has happened in past in your home for being cause of your d´s ED than RUN. This therapist will not be a good FBT therapist.
We heard a lot of judgement in old fashioned threatment here in Germany before we started FBT and I was afraid of that, too. When we first met our FBT therapist it was like having a friend on your side for the first time. She did say we are doing great. She did say that we can do that refeeding at home. She helped us to believe in our power and to find out what refeeding tips work here and what not. There was not one minute I felt blamed for anything and there was not one minute dragging in old dramas in our family.
FBT is to find out how to refeed your d and how to help her to get settled in life again after WR and not about what has happened in past. Good FBT is mostly for the parents to see that they can do that and to find their power again. Later in treatment when the kid is WR and their are issues left (like anxiety, body dysmorphia etc.) the therapist will help your d to get out of that, too. Family based therapy is not family therapy. It is not digging in old dramas but have the family to be able to be the basis of the childs therapy.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Remember that your therapist is a professional and it is unprofessional to "blame". The evidence shows there is no blame and that is how FBT is supposed to work. That they bring the family together anyway, so that together, they can help the child. 
We did FBT and my and H's relationship was never discussed, except when having trouble engaging H in re-feeding so that he could be more helpful to me. So the therapist gave H some ideas on how to be helpful. I would think any "professional" would be mortified to find out that they were NOT being "professional". 
The focus is the child and yes there has to be support for the family dynamics, but not to blame but to help. 

It is hard as there is history of course, with your ex.  Remember too, just because that is the therapist assigned to you, it may not be good fit. So if you feel something is amiss, then consider asking for someone else. That is your right.
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
Thing is I’ve alteady had my binpplar brought up and discussed with her by psychiatrist at camhs
I was totally humiliated as they didn’t tell me that’s what they had spoken about with her

Pingu I think you are in the UK.  In the UK the  recommended treatment for anorexia is FT-AN or anorexia focused family therapy.  If this is what you are getting then you should have no fear. One of the tenets of this  treatment (called FBT in many other countries) is that there is no exploration as to "cause "of the eating disorder. It is meant to be agnostic as to cause.  The goal in phase one is to work on parents in charge of re-feeding and manage any roadblocks with this. In phase two  the goal is to hand back control of feeding, and phase three to look at adjustment issues. This last is the only area where it is possible old wounds are likely to be opened. 

What you should be aware of is another treatment known as family therapy - often called family systems therapy. This focuses on the relationships between people and is not a specific treatment for eating disorders.
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
Pingu wrote:
Thing is I’ve alteady had my binpplar brought up and discussed with her by psychiatrist at camhs
I was totally humiliated as they didn’t tell me that’s what they had spoken about with her

What?!?  There is no shame in having a mental health issue - bipolar or whatever - please don't let them make you feel bad about that. xx

"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 

Foodsupport is right, if you are getting true FBT or FT-AN, then there is no specific scrutiny into your familial relationships.

H and I did it, and our relationship was only discussed to get an idea of how we were able to work together for d's health.  There were times when H and I did not acquit ourselves admirably in trying to manage her nutrition or behaviours.  Those might have come up during the discussion of "how did the week go?', and we would talk about how we could do better next time.

Our therapist seemed to understand that we were normal, human, flawed individuals trying to do their best for their kid.

FBT is really focussed on the patient eating and being supported.  If anyone starts probing into your 
relationship with d's dad, then they are not focussed on d's health.

It's a very stressful time, and I hope your fears are assuaged.

D in and out of EDNOS since age 8. dx RAN 2013. WR Aug '14. Graduated FBT June 2015 at 18 yrs old. [thumb]