Custom Search of F.E.A.S.T. and Forum Content:
F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum
Sign up Latest Topics
 
 
 


Reply
  Author   Comment  
Pingu

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 113
Reply with quote  #1 
Hi
A bit of an odd one I know but does anyone else feel judged a little in fbt?
We are about to go through this me and my d and then ex and d. I feel this is only going to drag up all the old dramas and I do t want to have to justify myself now for things that happened years ago

I know it’s not about me and my d is the important one but when your divorced and it was extremely hostile I feel this could end up being a battle zone. They already picked up on the tension just in the assessment meeting
My ex is ex military and barks orders if you know what I mean. I really don’t want to have to go through all this again
Sorry to moan
mimi321

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 304
Reply with quote  #2 
Hi Pingu,
We never did fbt but from what I understand the focus is never about finding fault with the parents or digging up stuff from the past, but focusing on ways parents can best support recovery. If those types of things were to come up it wouldn't be helpful but would be a waste of time and I don't think would be true fbt. Maybe someone who has gone through fbt will have a little more insight. Parents do not cause ED's but can play a vital role in helping their adolescents to recover, given the right supports and information. Putting blame on the parents will ultimately be unhelpful to the recovery process.
-mimi

__________________
Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. - A. A. Milne
Pingu

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 113
Reply with quote  #3 
Thanks mimi
That’s reassuring
tina72

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,864
Reply with quote  #4 
If the FBT therapist will ever judge you or ex or something that has happened in past in your home for being cause of your d´s ED than RUN. This therapist will not be a good FBT therapist.
We heard a lot of judgement in old fashioned threatment here in Germany before we started FBT and I was afraid of that, too. When we first met our FBT therapist it was like having a friend on your side for the first time. She did say we are doing great. She did say that we can do that refeeding at home. She helped us to believe in our power and to find out what refeeding tips work here and what not. There was not one minute I felt blamed for anything and there was not one minute dragging in old dramas in our family.
FBT is to find out how to refeed your d and how to help her to get settled in life again after WR and not about what has happened in past. Good FBT is mostly for the parents to see that they can do that and to find their power again. Later in treatment when the kid is WR and their are issues left (like anxiety, body dysmorphia etc.) the therapist will help your d to get out of that, too. Family based therapy is not family therapy. It is not digging in old dramas but have the family to be able to be the basis of the childs therapy.
Tina72

__________________
d off to University now 22 months after diagnose, still doing FBT and relapse prevention 
scaredmom

Moderator
Registered:
Posts: 876
Reply with quote  #5 
Remember that your therapist is a professional and it is unprofessional to "blame". The evidence shows there is no blame and that is how FBT is supposed to work. That they bring the family together anyway, so that together, they can help the child. 
We did FBT and my and H's relationship was never discussed, except when having trouble engaging H in re-feeding so that he could be more helpful to me. So the therapist gave H some ideas on how to be helpful. I would think any "professional" would be mortified to find out that they were NOT being "professional". 
The focus is the child and yes there has to be support for the family dynamics, but not to blame but to help. 

It is hard as there is history of course, with your ex.  Remember too, just because that is the therapist assigned to you, it may not be good fit. So if you feel something is amiss, then consider asking for someone else. That is your right.
XXX
Pingu

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 113
Reply with quote  #6 
Thing is I’ve alteady had my binpplar brought up and discussed with her by psychiatrist at camhs
I was totally humiliated as they didn’t tell me that’s what they had spoken about with her

mimi321

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 304
Reply with quote  #7 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pingu
Thing is I’ve alteady had my binpplar brought up and discussed with her by psychiatrist at camhs
I was totally humiliated as they didn’t tell me that’s what they had spoken about with her



Are these the same folks who will be doing the FBT? I sure hope not. 

I can see why you would feel uneasy about going given that experience. 

Again, this should not be the approach of FBT. And as Tina said, if they are making you uncomfortable or undermining you in any way, I would walk.

It goes to show how no help can be better than bad help. Some therapists and yes, psychiatrists, as educated as they are, still know nothing about the right approach to take with EDs. I have seen this time and time again. 

If it is a separate group of professionals (I think she is at a fairly good place from what I recall) they should hopefully be much more current and supportive to the parents and ultimately to your D with their approach.

__________________
Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. - A. A. Milne
Foodsupport_AUS

Avatar / Picture

Lead Moderator
Registered:
Posts: 3,906
Reply with quote  #8 
Pingu I think you are in the UK.  In the UK the  recommended treatment for anorexia is FT-AN or anorexia focused family therapy.  If this is what you are getting then you should have no fear. One of the tenets of this  treatment (called FBT in many other countries) is that there is no exploration as to "cause "of the eating disorder. It is meant to be agnostic as to cause.  The goal in phase one is to work on parents in charge of re-feeding and manage any roadblocks with this. In phase two  the goal is to hand back control of feeding, and phase three to look at adjustment issues. This last is the only area where it is possible old wounds are likely to be opened. 

What you should be aware of is another treatment known as family therapy - often called family systems therapy. This focuses on the relationships between people and is not a specific treatment for eating disorders.

__________________
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
Torie

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 5,360
Reply with quote  #9 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pingu
Thing is I’ve alteady had my binpplar brought up and discussed with her by psychiatrist at camhs
I was totally humiliated as they didn’t tell me that’s what they had spoken about with her


What?!?  There is no shame in having a mental health issue - bipolar or whatever - please don't let them make you feel bad about that. xx

-Torie

__________________
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
OneToughMomma

Avatar / Picture

Moderator
Registered:
Posts: 1,208
Reply with quote  #10 
Pingu,

Foodsupport is right, if you are getting true FBT or FT-AN, then there is no specific scrutiny into your familial relationships.

H and I did it, and our relationship was only discussed to get an idea of how we were able to work together for d's health.  There were times when H and I did not acquit ourselves admirably in trying to manage her nutrition or behaviours.  Those might have come up during the discussion of "how did the week go?', and we would talk about how we could do better next time.

Our therapist seemed to understand that we were normal, human, flawed individuals trying to do their best for their kid.

FBT is really focussed on the patient eating and being supported.  If anyone starts probing into your 
relationship with d's dad, then they are not focussed on d's health.

It's a very stressful time, and I hope your fears are assuaged.

xoOTM

__________________
D in and out of EDNOS since age 8. dx RAN 2013. WR Aug '14. Graduated FBT June 2015 at 18 yrs old. [thumb]
Previous Topic | Next Topic
Print
Reply

Quick Navigation:

Easily create a Forum Website with Website Toolbox.

GREETINGS, F.E.A.S.T. Community! As of July 1, 2018 you can access this forum directly without logging in at the main site. If this is your first login since that date please reset your password by using the "lost password" option. We apologize for the inconvenience. We are preparing a new website and services for the parent community to be rolled out soon! If you have questions or concerns, or trouble resetting your password, please contact us at Admin@FEAST-ed.org

F.E.A.S.T. Families Empowered and Supporting Treatment of Eating Disorders
is a 501(c)3 charitable organization committed to maintaining the Around the Dinner Table forum as a FREE service for any caregiver of a loved-one with an eating disorder.

P.O. Box 1281 | Warrenton, VA 20188 USA

US +1 855-50-FEAST | Canada +1 647-247-1339 | Australia +61 731886675 | UK +443308280031 

This forum is sponsored by F.E.A.S.T., an organization of parents serving parents and caregivers of patients of all ages with anorexia, bulimia, and other eating disorders. Information and advice given on this forum does not necessarily represent the policy or opinion of F.E.A.S.T. or its volunteers and is meant to support, not replace, professional consultation.

F.E.A.S.T. is registered as a nonprofit organization under section 501(c)(3) of the United States Internal Revenue Code.

Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Community Rules | | F.E.A.S.T. Principles | YMadmin | WTadmin
Custom Search of F.E.A.S.T. and Forum Content: