F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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HissyFit
fat, fat...I'm SOOOO fat, I feel big, I know I've gained weight over the break, I'm not eating, I can't gain weight before I go back to school...I'm fat, I'm SOOOO fat
If I have to listen to this one more time my head will explode.  Yes I'm sure this has been visited many, many times already, so just consider this a vent on my part.  We have been on winter break from school here since December 20, go back January 8.  Not having any time apart from D is making me more of a crazy person than I already am.  My friends don't get it and are in truth, tired of listening to me rant about my frustrations.  Y'all are the lucky ones that get to read about them.  :-/
Formerly SCMom, but Hissy Fit just seemed so much more accurate
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YogurtParfait_US
How frustrating ...

Does she keep talking like this even if her comments are ignored?

YP
"Hope is a wonderful thing ... but hope by itself is not enough. Hope is the reason to take action, to make a plan and then to change the plan when it isn’t working - over and over and over again if necessary." Hannah Joseph (Let's Feast Friday Reflection, "Just Keep Going," Friday, March 3rd, 2015)
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papyrusUSA
smile, I love you, no comment, brick wall, hmmm...., etc.  This doesn't need to be acknowledged.  It will go away.
Papyrus, Philadelphia area
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IdgieThreadgood7USA
Rant Away my friend. It's inconceivable to anyone who hasn't experienced this illness to understand the strain. Papyrus is right. No response besides I love you and distraction and sometimes even taking a 30 minute walk helps you get a break. How they're going to never eat again after feeling this distress are words left unanswered. Sending you Jedi hugs.
"Sometimes you just have to be your own hero"
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mec
Been there, done that... The sad thing is that even when the physical resistance stopped (about 6 weeks from day one of refeeding) the fat talk lasted for about 9 months. I also thought my head would explode and I was angrier at ED/D 6 months into it than at the beginning. At least at the beginning she had bones sticking out of her and had a crazed glassy eyed look but 6 months later when she looked fabulous and was eating well, I wanted to SCREAM at the fat talk.

This too shall pass... and come here and vent and rant away... that is what we are here for.

I hope you have a fat-free-talk new year's eve!

When does she go back to school? My district goes back on Wednesday and I am not ready!
21 year old daughter who was DX with RAN at 9 years old. The work of recovery is ongoing. 
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HissyFit
She goes back on January 8th.  I do ignore the fat talk, the majority of the time.  But, sometimes I lose my temper and tell her, 'fat is not a feeling' or 'can we PLEASE not do this again today'.  I've been home with her to try to get her back on a regular eating schedule, its going well so far but I have to go back to work Wednesday for a half day and then again Friday.  I can't take much more time off.  I hate being a grown up.
Formerly SCMom, but Hissy Fit just seemed so much more accurate
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perdido
Hmm and mmm, we don't talk about it much. Though I remember when she said things like this I would comment, well a size 2 and a small shirt couldn't possibly be fat. That usually shut her down.
Slow and steady
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biomom
Perdido wrote:
Hmm and mmm, we don't talk about it much. Though I remember when she said things like this I would comment, well a size 2 and a small shirt couldn't possibly be fat. That usually shut her down.


I'd be careful with this tactic, just as a friendly caution - he/she may not be a size 2 or a small forever. (I've also found it a waste of breath to try to argue logic with ED, but that may not apply to all?) We found that something along the lines of "I'm sorry you're feeling so badly, sweetie" to work decently - responding to the emotion, not the content, and refusing to get all wound up about it along with d, or get caught in the "I'm fat" "No you're not" "Yes I am" trap (AAAUGH). 


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anotherbite_CAN
Oohhh, yes! I hate being a grown up sometimes too! More specifically...I hate being a grown up dealing with anorexic daughter!! Makes me want to gouge my eyes out sometimes. I used to say "ok, no more fat talk...yes, your brain thinks your are fat..noted. No more f-talk or I am going to start the "love" talk". The love talk went something like: " I loooove you sooooo much. I think you are amazzzzing. Soooo gorgeous. Have I told you how amazing you are? We love you. We love your eyes; we lovey your silly sense of humour etc". She hated it and eventually would shut up with the fat talk. It was a silly way to distract her. If that didnt work (sometimes it just infuriated her and would escalate her anxiety) I'd tell her I loved her and I was walking away rather than listen... Then I would walk away.

Sending love and strength. I totally get it and rant away.
D dx at 10 years old in June 2011. She is now 16 and happy and healthy.  We were IP for 8 weeks and then refed at home for what felt like forever.  We chased vertical growth for years...as is typical for the age.
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RAWR12
I think I must be the only one who doesn't experience this... but then again, my daughter is far from weight-restored.
I remember hearing it quite often when she younger though - particularly in Year 7 once her friend developed anorexia and would complain about being 'fat'... I think this made my daughter feel quite bad about herself as she was close to overweight.

Unfortunately, I don't think I can offer any advice, but I love anotherbite's method. I think I may try it for many non-ED related topics with both of my kids...
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Red
I only really consider myself a borderline grown up so, along with most of the above, would sometimes just burst into song (Bryan Adams & Morcambe & Wise by choice) and - if I thought I could get away with it - grab her for a quick dance. However we responded, we reinforced our initial message that it was an ed thought/brain blip so we wouldn't respond to it. You're right though, it drives you nuts!!
The future is not set; there is no fate but that which we make for ourselves.

"Not my daughter, you bitch." Mrs. Weasley
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JangledUSA
Red, I walk around most of the time feeling like a boy in a man suit...  

It is a very interesting thing that the more weight my daughter gained the less fat talk we heard.   Once she goes over xxx lbs the fat talk stops.     

She says it still plays in her head but she finds in manageable.   

What I cannot fantom is how she can *know* she needs to stay at a certain weight to be mentally healthy but she cannot pick up a fork and do it on her own.    

Durn pesky, useless insight.

A dad.
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mec
Abc, LOVE the love talk strategy. I think it would be particularly good with the younger crowd.
21 year old daughter who was DX with RAN at 9 years old. The work of recovery is ongoing. 
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Iris_US
I find what works best is to reply "you need to accept being a healthy weight".
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GiveMeStrength_US
Anotherbite, I love that strategy and I think it will work with an older kid too as these teens get particularly annoyed with their parents and mushy-gushy huggy-kissy kind of behavior.  My D hates being hugged and kissed - imagine if I started gushing at her in the midst of a fat talk - I think she'd run for the hills.

SCMom, we had weigh-in today and D is fine and stable, around her normal range, and has been w/r for months.  And yet, I got the "I'm tired of being the heaviest one in the family" talk and then a particular thread on how her younger sister (who is 12, as tall as D and weighs at least 10 lbs. more and is, honestly, on the chunky side) is losing weight and how it's just not fair.  OK, fact is, younger D is a big eater - mac & cheese, pasta, ice cream, almost anything and everything and there is NO way she is losing weight (if anything, I'm a little nervous she is gaining, but can't do a blessed thing about it for fear of triggering D and I'm just hoping she will continue to grow into her body anyway).

I can fully relate to your losing your temper because I turned to D and said, "are you kidding me?!  Enough, I don't want to hear this anymore.  Your sister lives here too and that's the end of the discussion" when she started complaining about having to eat meals with her.  I can totally sympathize with having to spend so much together time - there are days when I can't wait for D to go to school or go out and do something away from the house.  I call her my "dark cloud" (to her face sometimes) when she is in a mood and it just penetrates into everyone around her.  Hang in there and feel free to vent, vent, vent and don't feel bad about shutting down your D's talk with anger or harsh tones - we are only human and they can deal with knowing that their EDs frustrate the heck out of us sometimes!
Mom to D 21 in November, behaviors started at 15, hospitalized at 16, IP at 17, FBT at almost 18. Finished second year in college; now abroad in treatment program to deal with co-morbids.
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SamHeinous
I am sticking that in my pocket for future use for SURE.  The "love talk"  *snicker*

Of course I DO love her that much, so it won't be too much of a stretch! 
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