F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

Join these conversations already in progress:
• Road To Recovery - Stories of Hope
• Events for Parents and Caregivers Around the World
• Free F.E.A.S.T Conference Videos

Visit the F.E.A.S.T website for information and support.

If you need help using the forum please reach out to one of the moderators (listed below), or email us at bronwen@feast-ed.org.

Need to talk with another parent? F.E.A.S.T. parents offer peer support via:

Hi, First time poster looking for any advice/experience/opinions
I have a 14 year old daughter, started out around 10.5 stones rapid weight loss over 6-9 months .( part of this attributed to throwing her packed lunch away) She is currently around 7st 11lbs. She has 3 meals per day without problems but limits her calorific intake to around 1300 cals (I am in charge of breakfast which means actual daily intake nearer 1500) She does not want to lose weight but is scared of putting weight on. She agrees she has an ED , is very socially active and  has good relationship with all the family. She gets very annoyed if more snacks/food are suggested. She has recently re introduced chocolate to her diet but not as extra calories , just within her calorie parameters. We were referred to local ED clinic, we have attended five times where we have been told the dangers of a restrictive diet etc but nothing else at the moment. She gets weighed and bloods taken every week , her weight is stable at the moment and bloods ok . I feel we are making progress albeit very slowly . I have read all about the methods used in re feeding and I am willing to go down that route but would personally rather gradually build up rather than have to put everyone through the heartache and strife . I realise I may sound like a bit of a coward or naïve but just trying to do the right thing.

Welcome to the forum. Sorry you have had to find your way here. 

It sounds as though your D went on a deliberate diet to lose weight which rapidly got out of control. I am not sure from your post how much weight her team thinks she needs to gain. It is always tough when kids have been overweight in the past, and remain in the "normal"range. It is common for clinicians to be reluctant to get them to gain weight, but they often do, and generally much more than they want to. 

Great job on stabilising her weight. 

Treating ED is always a hard road. One of the essential parts of treatment is overcoming the fear of weight and eating, and stopping food restriction. Your D is clearly being permitted to continue food restriction and whilst this happens she will never recover. 

I would point you to ablog post by Julie O'Toole where she specifically talks about kids that have been at a higher weight and recovery. https://www.kartiniclinic.com/blog/post/determining-ideal-body-weight/  There are lots of other interesting posts there too. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Mostly recovered 10 years later.  Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
Hi, Many thanks for reply. The support workers have yet to discuss where my daughter should be in relation to weight. Also they are yet to diagnose anorexia or EDNOS or whatever.  I've had  many sleepless nights and been pretty vacant workwise through the worry , as each case of ED is different I'm trying to make sense of what I am dealing with .We will do what ever is necessary to beat the illness but the clinic  have not suggested the Maudsley / FBT as yet , all the information I have is via  sites such as this. I'm guessing they are yet to finish evaluation
Welcome to the forum, although sorry you needed to join us here.

In weighing your options, you might want to consider the time element.  My d, for example, fell ill at 14, almost 15.  She was well and truly weight restored for more than 3 years before she headed off to university, and I was ever so grateful she had been at a good weight that whole time, and only wished it had been even longer.  (She is now at university and doing well.)

Time flies. 

Whatever you do, if it doesn't result in weight gain at a decent clip, please try something else.  Your time of maximum influence is limited.

Please feel free to ask all the questions you like.

"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
Hello and welcome. You are not a coward for wanting to protect your child and family from the stress of re-feeding. You are right, it is difficult, traumatic and quite painful. But if you want your daughter to live as normal a life as possible free of restrictions and rules and limits then you must challenge the disordered thinking. The Kartini Clinic blog says "Rarely can a child who is genetically programmed to be larger than average be safely held at a thin body weight". This is true for my daughter who nearly doubled her weight through recovery. As her weight increased well beyond her "target weight" her thinking around food, calories, body image normalized.

Trust your instincts and challenge what you know isn't normal. Fats are key to brain healing so get some fats into her meals and over time you should see progress. You need nerves of steel to beat this illness, and you have a rare opportunity while she is young to help her beat this. Don't wait.

"Lineage, personality and environment may shape you, but they do not define your full potential."    Mollie Marti  


15 yr old d diagnosed with AN late December 2015 at the age of 12 after a 23 lb weight loss during prior 3 months. Started FBT/Maudsley at home on Christmas Eve with support from amazing local nutritionist specializing in ED and trained in FBT. WR Feb 2016 and pushing our way through puberty and rapid growth.
Firstly then I would be pushing for a diagnosis. The severity of illness in OSFED/atypical anorexia can be just as severe as in typical AN. The Royal Children's Hospital here in Melbourne put out a paper recently showing that the health risks and psychological risks are just as severe. http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/137/4/e20154080   
Your D does need to be eating more, and almost certainly needs to gain weight. By not offering a diagnosis or treatment plan so far they are not offering you any help at all, but worse they are putting your D's health at risk. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Mostly recovered 10 years later.  Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.