F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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kentmum
My D was diagnosed mid-October, and a very rocky road since them - despite a period of some stability, she has in the last 36 hours reduced her eating considerably, and in the last few hours started to refuse fluids - we have an urgent ED out-patient appointment, and think that we may end up going to A & E immediately afterwards (only didn't do it today because it was so recent and because we got ED appointment)

Earlier today, in an attempt to get my D to eat, I said that there would be sanctions if she didn't eat eg no phone, or TV (LSUYE) - in response, separate to a tantrum, she said that she wouldn't drink if she couldn't have her phone. I realize that I need to be clearer about my use of sanctions in advance, but this is the third time which she has used not eating/drinking almost to blackmail me - I know it is the illness, and my desperation is so huge (and at the moment I am on my own with this all, as H can't cope and isn't here - see family problems) that I just caved in - of course, this was futile anyway as she then went on to not take fluids a few hours later.

When the currency of blackmail is food and fluid how should this be dealt with?











































































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kayjay
How old is she and what's her BMI like?

I'm also in Kent, if you'd like to chat online or in person with someone local who's also dealing with an anorexic teenage daughter, feel free to drop me a line x

I know it's tempting to back down and agree to anything to just get them to eat/drink but it the long run it will come back in spades :-( Local services are trying hard but are under resourced and over stretched, but call tomorrow and ask them for advice on what to do if she is refusing to eat/drink while you're waiting for appointment day to come around. If you need to take her to A&E to keep her safe then just do it x
D, 16, diagnosed with AN Aug 2016. One day at a time...
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Foodsupport_AUS
Sometimes it works to reframe as Life Starts when you eat. If you have the phone at present she will of course get it back as soon as she has eaten and now drunk what is required. Others also have required sitting at the table etc. Either way if she is not drinking for 24 hours she will need to go to emergency. Don't give in to the blackmail. This is ED trying to manipulate you. She is likely to offer something such as it being your fault that she is not eating or drinking but remember it is ED that is stopping her from doing so. If she ate her food and drank as would any healthy teen she would be on her way in minutes with her phone in hand. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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ally2016
I'm in the US so I think emergency services are different, but I think taking her to ER for IV fluids if she refuses to drink.
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fullbass
Hi Kent Mum
I am in a similar situation. My d age 16 has been refusing to eat or drink since yesterday lunchtime. I have taken her phone away, and she just laughs, saying it will make no difference to her.

D was diagnosed in March, and we have been struggling with a semi- FBT approach. We agree in advance what she is going to eat each day, and mostly this has enabled her to eat. Of course the list of what she won't eat is long, and I have had some success in reintroducing fear food. We have achieved a small weight gain.

I think we will be taking her to A and E some time this evening or tomorrow morning. How we get her there is another matter. We will have to call ambulance if she refuses to get in car. We had to do this once before in July, when I realised she had not had any fluid for three days. Quite a job to persuade the emergency services we needed ambulance. That was the start of her restricting fluids, as well as food, and is on-going.

This is my first post, but I have been reading lots and appreciating all the advice given. Sorry I can't be more helpful, but thought I would take the plunge and share our situation with you.

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mjkz
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I just caved in - of course, this was futile anyway as she then went on to not take fluids a few hours later.


I know how hard this is but persistence and consistency is the key.  She gets her phone after she eats and drinks.  The next time she is required to eat and drink, you take the phone and she gets it when she eats and drinks. If she refuses, then 24 hours for fluids and 48 for food, you head to A&E.

My daughter used to say she wouldn't eat unless she had her phone.  Okay but she wasn't getting the phone until she ate so after a few standoffs, she learned that she could threaten but I was not giving her the phone until she ate. The rules stayed the same no matter what and that way she knew what she had to do to get what she wanted back.  Otherwise it is just confusing to everyone if you give her what she wants today to keep her eating and then change the game plan tomorrow.

I do truly appreciate how hard this is. My hubby left fairly soon into refeeding so it was all up to me [frown]
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fullbass
Hi Toothfairy
Thanks for the advice. Just tried to set up a new thread, read user guide, but can't find "New Topic" tab anywhere. Seems to have disappeared. Any clues?

Btw, she has agreed to drink 450ml water today. She's back in bed, extremely tired. Not sure 999 will consider her emergency if she is actually drinking. 
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mjkz
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Thanks for the advice. Just tried to set up a new thread, read user guide, but can't find "New Topic" tab anywhere. Seems to have disappeared. Any clues?


When you are on the screen titled 'Around the Dinner Table' Active Discussions, right above the reply tab is one titled New Topic.  Select that and you will be able to start a new thread.

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Btw, she has agreed to drink 450ml water today. She's back in bed, extremely tired. Not sure 999 will consider her emergency if she is actually drinking.


That is not enough in a day.  999 should consider her an emergency even if she is drinking some but obviously not enough.
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mjkz
Kentmum, how are things going?
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