F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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ytamar
Months ago, my daughter suddenly veered down the path of AN, triggered by puberty and an anxiety disorder, I think. The AN was pretty easy to recognize because she went from eating normally to persistently eating ridiculously little and she wasn't trying to hide it. Fast forward, 2 months in IOP, and now 2 months with outpt therapy, psych, and a nutritionist. She is weight restored for a few months now. She is now taking Cymbalta for anxiety. She's tried a few other meds but they had side effects she couldn't tolerate. The rages with eating she would have prior to us getting a handle on things and getting her into a program were intolerable. The worst language and treatment I've ever seen from any teenager.

Well, now I want to know, is my old daughter ever coming back? The one that doesn't swear or say she hates her parents? I'm thankful my daughter is doing much better but she seems to have passed a point of no return where now that she has used such profanity and behavior, she feels she is free to do it whenever she feels like it when the mood strikes. Granted, she is generally much happier now but she still has her low moments. We have had such a hard time finding an outpt therapist who is effective and can engage with her. She is not in a frame of mind to be introspective or have insight into some of her struggles. She blames the outside world for her negative experiences and doesn't feel she needs to do anything to make her days go better. I feel like we just have to wait for her to catch on and her brain has to grow and mature. We do provide consequences for her uncalled for outbursts, which are not food related by the way. However, we still walk on eggshells with her sometimes. I can only take so much raging and I've had enough for a lifetime. 
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tina72
How old is she? All you describe I am not sure wether she is really WR and a growing child under 18 will surely not be WR at a fixed number. How is her behaviour with eating? Is she eating all you plate and has no fear food any more?
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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deenl
Hi ytamar,

I wonder if you have access to DBT treatment. It is pretty successful in teaching skills and techniques to help with emotional dysregulation. 

Warm wishes,

D
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
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scaredmom
Hi ytamar,
Ed and teenagers make for some interesting times, don’t they? It is so hard for all, them and us.
Are you feeling ok? Please take care of yourself during this time. 
2 months WR is really early and she has her psychological concerns too. Time and weight and support (psychological and or medical) can only help.

I like the suggestion of DBT. Parents can do DBT  as well, to learn skills to support their child’s emotions.

And YES your d to will likely come back!
XXX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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scaredmom
As for the swearing my d was doing that a bit. Her dad and I would tell her that she was smarter than that and could likely think of better words to use. It helped a bit. It became a bit of a game for her to use, what we call “wow” words. 

XXX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Mamaroo
We had very bad behaviour, physical violence, self harm, running away etc. Today she is her old, affectionate self again. She started to behave better at around 6 months post WR. We just kept on feeding and supervising. Sending you lots of hugs 🤗🤗🤗🤗
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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Hesic1092
My daughter is 14 and is still not at a healthy weight.  She is eating what I serve to her and slowly gaining weight.  She is currently at 92% of her ideal body weight (was at 88% 4 months ago when first diagnosed with AN).   Our main challenges seem to be behavior based, similar to Ytamar.   It's not always related to food or eating either.  The swearing and screaming is awful and our whole family ends of walking on eggshells around her to avoid these meltdowns.   It's like she has no ability to control her emotions  Pre-ED, I saw glimpses of this, but definitely not as bad.  I'm new here, first time on,  So appreciate seeing all the posts.  It feels good to know I'm not alone.     Can someone tell me more about DBT?
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Mamaroo
Welcome Hesic1092 and sorry you need to find yourself here. Your d is gaining and that is good, well done! As she is close to her weight curve I think it's a good idea to tell her that her behaviour is not acceptable and will not be tolerated anymore. I used to ignore bad behaviour, hoping that it was just a phase, but discovered if I did nothing, it just got worse. When there is a calm moment, tell her what the consequences for bad behaviour would be. For example, start with a 1, 2, 3 rule. When she first swears or display other bad behaviour take her phone away for 30 min, 2nd time in the day for an hour and 3rd time, for the rest of the day. If there is no improvement, you can increase the consequences. It takes a while for it to sink in that bad behaviour = loss of privileges, but after a couple of days or weeks, the behaviour should improve. To avoid discussions, which leads to fights, don't explain yourself, just tell her 'because I said so'. Good luck!
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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tina72
Hesic1092 wrote:
My daughter is 14 and is still not at a healthy weight.  She is eating what I serve to her and slowly gaining weight.  She is currently at 92% of her ideal body weight (was at 88% 4 months ago when first diagnosed with AN).   Our main challenges seem to be behavior based, similar to Ytamar.   It's not always related to food or eating either.  The swearing and screaming is awful and our whole family ends of walking on eggshells around her to avoid these meltdowns.


Hi and a very warm welcome from Germany. We did it the same as you at the start: we all walked on eggshells and tried not to annoy ED at all. But nothing changed. Then we started to change OUR behaviour against these meltdowns and expolsions. We told her that we do not accept that behaviour any more. We had consequences for bad behaviour and swearing as we had for not eating. Someone here said to his kid in these cases: it is an eating disorder and no rudeness disorder.
If you try to avoid these meltdowns she learns that it is accepted to behave this way and she will do it again to get her will. You need to stop that or you will have a teenager without any control in your house.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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