F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Becs
My DD was diagnosed with AN at the end of January 2019. We are in Ireland and have weekly outpatient appointments with CAMHS and are following an FBT programme. When we began refeeding she refused all food and drink so we were into the GP pretty quickly. The GP gave her a lecture and hospital was mentioned and no sooner were we out of the surgery, she wanted to go straight to the supermarket and buy up the shop. We came back in the car eating flapjacks and crisps and I've never been so happy. She spent a couple of days making healthy eating choices, but then started restricting more. She has, however, stuck to the regime of 3 meals and 3 snacks daily since then (though not without enormous tantrums and some self harm) Nevertheless, she has steadily lost weight since. I believe much of this is to do with being vegan - the sheer volume of food required on a vegan diet is huge and she spends an average of an hour on each meal/snack. She now creates meal plans, but I 'sign off' on these (and have learnt to be pretty strict in the face of continued weight loss). She prepares all her food (which she has done for the last 18 months or so - whether this is AN related is another question) I know that this is entirely at odds with the FBT programme. However, she is able to add more to the menu each week in the face of weight loss. Last week, our GP prescribed Fortisip to supplement the meals/snacks. This isn't vegan so DD is making the equivalent calorie shakes on top of her meals and snacks. Again, this is highly at odds with what we should be doing right now. However. She is responding to the evidence put in front of her by CAMHS and the GP. She is mostly quite lucid and rationale about her AN. She is able to increase her own intake with the food she makes herself. Does anyone else have any experience of doing it this way? I know many people believe that veganism is the beginning of restricting, but my DD had a fabulously healthy diet for 3 years prior to AN, and a great vegetarian diet for 3 years prior to that. Our therapist says that its OK for DD to make her own food if its what I would make for her myself. In an ideal world right now, I would be making her food from an omnivorous diet but I am in no doubt that would be the fastest route into hospital (and that is not a good option where I live) Sorry for the long post. Its my first so something of a ramble. Take care everyone xx
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tina72
Becs wrote:
My DD was diagnosed with AN at the end of January 2019. We are in Ireland and have weekly outpatient appointments with CAMHS and are following an FBT programme. When we began refeeding she refused all food and drink so we were into the GP pretty quickly. The GP gave her a lecture and hospital was mentioned and no sooner were we out of the surgery, she wanted to go straight to the supermarket and buy up the shop. We came back in the car eating flapjacks and crisps and I've never been so happy. She spent a couple of days making healthy eating choices, but then started restricting more. She has, however, stuck to the regime of 3 meals and 3 snacks daily since then (though not without enormous tantrums and some self harm) Nevertheless, she has steadily lost weight since. I believe much of this is to do with being vegan - the sheer volume of food required on a vegan diet is huge and she spends an average of an hour on each meal/snack.


So eating 3 meals and 3 snacks would be great but if she is loosing weight with that there are normally 3 probably reasons:
1) purging - can you 100% exclude that she is vomiting secretly? Some do that very silent while showering of into containers in their rooms or even out of the window into the garden
2) exercising - can you 100% exclude that she is not secretly exercising? In the night when you are sleeping for example? Running rounds on her way back from school?
3) too low intake - how much would you think is she eating at the moment? Most here needed around 3000 calories a day to gain weight but some needed up to 5000/6000

Becs wrote:
She now creates meal plans, but I 'sign off' on these (and have learnt to be pretty strict in the face of continued weight loss). She prepares all her food (which she has done for the last 18 months or so - whether this is AN related is another question) I know that this is entirely at odds with the FBT programme. However, she is able to add more to the menu each week in the face of weight loss.
Last week, our GP prescribed Fortisip to supplement the meals/snacks. This isn't vegan so DD is making the equivalent calorie shakes on top of her meals and snacks. Again, this is highly at odds with what we should be doing right now. However. She is responding to the evidence put in front of her by CAMHS and the GP.


You did not write how old your d is but I think preparing her own food is definitivly AN behaviour as no healthy teenager would do that. She adds more, for sure, but it is obviously not enough as she is still losing weight. Vegan/vegetarian diet is no good idea in refeeding and AN treatment as it means restriction and she should eat all food without any restriction. So is she is still restricting and not gaining weight by feeding herself it is time to set a limit and take over.

Becs wrote:
She is mostly quite lucid and rationale about her AN. She is able to increase her own intake with the food she makes herself. Does anyone else have any experience of doing it this way? I know many people believe that veganism is the beginning of restricting, but my DD had a fabulously healthy diet for 3 years prior to AN, and a great vegetarian diet for 3 years prior to that. Our therapist says that its OK for DD to make her own food if its what I would make for her myself. In an ideal world right now, I would be making her food from an omnivorous diet but I am in no doubt that would be the fastest route into hospital (and that is not a good option where I live) Sorry for the long post. Its my first so something of a ramble. Take care everyone xx


She has probably increased some intake but as you see she has not gained so she might have increased things she know will not make her gain anything and that is useless. What is a fabulous healthy diet in your eyes? In my eyes any diet is harmful for a growing child...A healthy child should not even think about what he is eating, fall into the kitchen, eat what is on the table and be out with friends in the next moment...
Sorry to be so blunt. That is my experience about that.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Becs
Thanks very much for your reply Tina. She is currently on 2,000 calories but only in the last week. Its been a huge struggle to get there and I know we need to keep increasing to get that weight gain. I'm near 100% sure she's not purging or over-exercising - we keep a strict eye on her after meals and check her room often due to the self harm. We are keeping her out of school until we have gain. By vegan 'diet' I meant normal, healthy eating which gave her all she needed to thrive/do sport for several years prior to her ED. I understand that with an ED, an omnivorous diet is optimal but I do believe recovery is possible with a vegan diet too. Frankly, it has to be in our case as she is utterly committed to it for ethical reasons. She is 15 and has been incredibly independent for a few years so cooking for herself was part of that though I guess when we get further into therapy we might discover if this has influenced her ED. But for now, we're just getting started with refeeding and I'm interested in anyone who has similar experience to ours. 
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Foodsupport_AUS
Welcome to the forum, sorry that you have had to find your way here. 

You are definitely right to be suspicious that being vegan is potentially a part of her eating disorder, further there is some suggestion that animal fats and proteins seem to be helpful in ED recovery. Your D is only 15 so having been "independent" in her food preparation over the last few years sounds very much like a red flag to me, and in particular it was  during this time she fell into AN. 

You have been refeeding for the last six weeks and still have not had weight gain, again this is a flag that things really need to be changed up, and I would suggest this should be you taking over the meal preparation. She may have had three meals and snacks per day but at only now reaching 2000 calories per day they have been inadequate and she has just been getting sicker. Asking her to make these choices or her asking to make them is very likely being strongly influenced by her ED. 

Generally speaking if there is no clear progress within the first four weeks of FBT things need to be changed. She should be gaining 1kg per week. It is likely she needs another 1000 calories or more per day and with a lot of this being mixed fat an proteins. She is likely to be B1 and B12 deficient given her ED and her long standing veganism, and these need to be addressed ASAP too. 

My D desperately wanted to be in charge of her food when she first became ill. The fact is her ED was in charge when she was choosing food. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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tina72
Becs wrote:
Thanks very much for your reply Tina. She is currently on 2,000 calories but only in the last week. Its been a huge struggle to get there and I know we need to keep increasing to get that weight gain. I'm near 100% sure she's not purging or over-exercising - we keep a strict eye on her after meals and check her room often due to the self harm. We are keeping her out of school until we have gain. By vegan 'diet' I meant normal, healthy eating which gave her all she needed to thrive/do sport for several years prior to her ED. I understand that with an ED, an omnivorous diet is optimal but I do believe recovery is possible with a vegan diet too. Frankly, it has to be in our case as she is utterly committed to it for ethical reasons. She is 15 and has been incredibly independent for a few years so cooking for herself was part of that though I guess when we get further into therapy we might discover if this has influenced her ED. But for now, we're just getting started with refeeding and I'm interested in anyone who has similar experience to ours. 


To gain weight with 2000 calories is nearly impossible. If you cannot get her to eat at last 3000-4000 on herself you need to take over. Ask her to double her intake from today on or she cannot decide that any more as you have already lost 6 weeks with that and she could have already gained in this 6 weeks.
In my eyes a vegan diet is not healthy for a growing child and most dietiatian see that the same way. They often have big deficiencies in B12 and zinc and that increases depression and no appetite. Did your d have regular blood checks in these last years? Bone check? A vegan diet is a high risk for osteoporosis later. Did they already do a dexa-scan for bone density? My d had never been vegetarian or vegan and restricted only about 9 months and had bad bones already...

I know that some parents here refed on a vegetarian diet but I do not know any parents that have a healthy AN free child today that is still vegan. Sorry. Restricting and ED is something that does not fit. And it is much more difficult to get enough calories into them without cream and butter, I have no idea how to do that.
Sorry for being so blunt.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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bub1
Hello Becs,

I am normally an appreciative reader on this forum rather than a contributor but thought it might be helpful to add to this discussion. 

My daughter was diagnosed with anorexia (restrictive type) 2 years ago when she was 15.  Like your daughter, she is vegan.  We would have liked to have re-fed her on an omnivorous diet (we are a meat eating family and she was brought up eating meat) but her commitment to veganism was absolute and she categorically refused to eat anything non vegan.  With the support of CAMHS, it was agreed that she could be re-fed as a vegan provided she gained the required weight.  If she failed to do this, veganism would have to be put to one side.  Two years on and 16kg later, she is doing well.  There are still a few poisonous strands of anorexia remaining that continue to worry us but her state is good as are her electrolytes, she eats independently and we hope she will be able to take up a place at medical school and live away from home in September this year.

My daughter also did her own cooking pre diagnosis.  It seemed to make sense then as I had to cook different food for the rest of the family and, in our pre-anorexia innocence, thought it was a positive thing for her to be doing.  CAMHS recommended that I take over all the cooking. My daughter insisted that she knew exactly what she needed but the reality was that when she fried anything she used a speck of oil so small that a microscope was needed to spot it!  Despite her objections, we pressed ahead.  In retrospect, it was a good call for us.  Food was such a huge obsession and fear for her that keeping her out of the kitchen (most of the time, wasn't always successful) was, in her case, a protective step.  It also meant that I learned a huge amount about vegan food and how to ensure she got everything she needed.  

It took us a long time to get her weight going in the right direction.  It could be argued that this was down to the vegan food but I think it would have been the case whatever diet we followed.  Our GP did not pick up on the anorexia and, by the time we eventually made it to CAMHS, the illness was very entrenched.  The struggle to raise the calories felt at times like swimming against a tsunami.  Fortunately for us, our daughter was able to gain weight, albeit at the slower end of the scale, on between 2400 and 2700 calories daily.  Many parents of this forum have children who need more than 3000 calories to gain weight.  For us, that would have been extremely difficult on a vegan diet.  My daughter had a lot of problems with her stomach during re-feeding and ate very slowly.  

When reading this forum, I often feel that we have not done things the right or established way and am wracked with self doubt.  However, the bottom line is, I think, to get the weight back on and to help in whatever way you can to make the world seem worth getting better for.  This forum is full of good advice and I think it's about trying out what you think will work for you and finding your way forward.  Wishing you and your daughter the very best.
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Becs
Hi Bub1. Thanks so much for your reply. It was very heartening to hear from someone else with a vegan child. I do believe we can get more calories into my daughter then we've managed already. Her bloods are synonymous with a low body weight but she has never had any deficiencies (she takes a great multivitamin designed for teenage vegan girls) Even in the last few months, there has been a big increase in options available to vegans, including foods an anorexic needs. I don't doubt its harder but asking my daughter to consume animal products would like asking anyone else to eat another human! It would be an enormous stressor. Over the years, both my daughter and I have cooked her very healthy vegan meals and so I know its possible to thrive. But I am having a very steep learning curve on the sheer amount of calories she now needs. I had no idea about this at the start of the programme (since FBT states that parents 'just know' what their child needs) I now do know, having read this forum and other sources. I do appreciate you taking the time to share your story and best wishes to you and your family for your continued healing.
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toothfairy
Hi Becs,
Welcome from Dublin.
Here is my own personal opinion from my knowledge so far in dealing with ED recovery.
There are very few, if any, of the world leading reputable ED clinics and clinicians that will treat a  patient on a vegan diet.
I have just made a thread on vegan and vegetarian with ED. There are some interesting articles there.

Also
I think this is brilliant, it was made by another parent advocate that has kindly allowed me to share.


1. You prepare meals

2. Do not allow your child in the kitchen during meal prep

3. Your child should not go grocery shopping.

4. Toilet before meal and no toilet for at least an hour afterwards.

5. If purging is suspected, use an open door policy in the bathroom, or have them count or sing whilst in there. And no flushing

6. Do not negotiate - whatever you serve has to be eaten

7. Use whatever leverage you have - phone, Internet, tv - whatever they hold dear is to be removed if they refuse to eat, until they have eaten. If they're older and are not financially independent, this is your leverage

8. Separate the two - Your child is not the ED

9. Detach yourself from the situation during meals. Do not get drawn into emotional discussions. THIS IS NOT UP FOR NEGOTIATION

10. Remember that your child wants to recover - the ED is stopping them

11. Your child needs your permission to eat. They need you to stand up to ED as they do not have the strength to do so themselves

12. 3 meals and 3 snacks per day (supervised) - do not deviate from this. Add time limits to the meals (as a guide/goal!). Ours (and the hospitals) was 30 mins for meals and 15 mins for snacks. In the early days this could extend A LOT. I made my Ds meal times the same as they'd be at school so that when she transitioned back to full time it would be easier and less anxiety provoking.

13. High calories are needed throughout refeeding with lots of full fat dairy. Some need as much as 6,000 cals with hyper metabolism, but the norm would be minimum 3500-4000 cals (for you to track not your child)

14. When they know you will not negotiate, I promise you will see the weight lifted from their shoulders... If only for very short periods

15. BE THE CAGE that keeps ED away from your child

16. When food is eaten be mum / dad again and have cuddles if they'll let you

17. 24/7 supervision - Some carers need to sleep with their loved ones - this will protect against them purging through vomiting or exercise. Many patients will exercise alone at night for hours on end when nobody else is awake.

18. All sport may need to stop in the early stages, and
for those who compulsively exercised this could be long term.

19. Be consistent, consistent consistent!

20. Don't congratulate them after a meal or say 'well done' - just cheer inwardly! Likewise when (for girls) their period returns!

21. Remove the weighing scales from the house. Many had to remove mirrors too.

22. Recommended reading: When Your Teen Has an Eating Disorder: Practical Strategies to Help Your Teen Recover from Anorexia, Bulimia, and Binge Eating 
23. Be prepared for resistance, and lots of it! You will find your own way to manage this, but NEVER back down. Any compromise is a win for ED. Remember, you have to see the beast to slay beast!

24. Making decisions / choices is extremely difficult for them (painful to watch). This is true in areas outside of food too. If you've tried to hand over some control of a meal or snack and notice that they are struggling, that is an indication that it is too soon and that you need to be making those decisions for them.

25. Sometimes distraction helps during meal times. That can come in the form of games,TV, music. Whatever it is you control it and it only continues with eating.

26. Lean on us - you have 24/7 support here as FEAST/ATDT  is international

27. In some cases FBT isn't an option, generally if there are comorbids such as ASD and BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) . It may just be that FBT needs to be tweaked, or that a different approach is needed. There are many here who have found ways to work around those comorbids or who can advise on an alternative approach which worked for them.

Hope this helps! Best of luck!

Food is the medicine. Recovery is possible.
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tina72
Just to add to this discussion:
https://tabithafarrar.com/2015/12/veganism-and-eating-disorders-lets-be-frank/
https://tabithafarrar.com/2016/06/back-veganism-eating-disorders-conversation/
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Ronson
Hi 

my my daughter is vegetarian and was well before her Ed onset.  We have refed on a vegetarian diet.  I would have found vegan hard to be honest - we rely on a lot of cheese and ice cream to get calories up.  We needed around 3000 calories a day to get weight up.  

I wish you all the best - I often feel guilty that I have done things wrong when I read this forum 
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tina72
Ronson wrote:
I often feel guilty that I have done things wrong when I read this forum 


Ronson, I think it is very important that you said this and I want to add that there is not ONE RIGHT way to refeed and to decide what to do. Every family is different. And it is very different if the vegetarian diet is something the whole family did for years before (and therefor is NOT ED related) or if the ED child is the only family member that asks for vegetarian food because she thinks it is "healthy" and "light". Many kids start their way down the rabbot hole with the vegetarian-vegan-nothing at all downspiral (my d did that, too). But that does not mean that it is not possible to refeed with vegetarien food. It is just more work and much harder to get the calories together.

We all did things different from the manual and there is no right or wrong. Please do not feel guilty about that. Your d is doing well and that is the proof that you did it right.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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melstevUK
I don't think there is any one right way to get a recovery - but the less weight going on initially at the onset of treatment means the journey in all probability will be much longer.
It is very difficult to argue against veganism/vegetarianism when our children are passionate about animals - but if we are to support them we must ensure at least that as many quality fats get into their diet as is possible. 
My own d's recovery after eleven years included giving up the vegetarianism (which was nearly vegan as there was so little dairy in it) and she confessed to feeling that her brain needs animal fats.  The compromise she now makes is by not eating lamb or pork, beef only occasionally and chicken or fish.  She is still passionate about animal welfare and in principle supports veganism but feels it is not right for her if she is to stay well.
That viewpoint was reached after a long duration of illness and weariness at not being like her friends, as well as being too ill to be able make calculations at work regarding meds for her child patients.  
However normal or healthy vegetarianism may appear in childhood or early teenage years - there is a huge link between vegetarianism and the onset of anorexia nervosa and a failure to obtain the amount of calories/nutrition required for growth.  As for many other children, my own d's descent into anorexia coincided with lessons about healthy eating and not wanting to eat animals any more.  Knowing nothing about eating disorders, I just drifted and went along with her wishes while she slowly went downhill because she wasn't meeting her growth targets.  

I am not commenting to make judgements or give advice, only to state what my and my own d's experience has been.  
Believe you can and you're halfway there.
Theodore Roosevelt.
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tina72
"My own d's recovery after eleven years included giving up the vegetarianism (which was nearly vegan as there was so little dairy in it) and she confessed to feeling that her brain needs animal fats.  The compromise she now makes is by not eating lamb or pork, beef only occasionally and chicken or fish.  She is still passionate about animal welfare and in principle supports veganism but feels it is not right for her if she is to stay well."

Same here. My d loves animals but once she realised that vegetarian/vegan food also kills animals ( especially the big soya farms are a big problem and any kind of agriculture kills animals that live there) she decided to only eat organic raised meat and eggs and diary to support that kind of agriculture although it is much more expensive here and we therefor eat that not very often (about 2 times a week).
It is often a kind of religious discussion about that and the real background is not seen. It is often the same kids that want to be vegan or vegetarian because they love animals that have pets in the house and that is often not an example of animal welfare.

30% of their intake should be fats and that means for us around 100 g a day which is very hard to get together without animal fat. I think that is the big question: is she able to gain about 500-1000 g a week with that diet?
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Becs
Hi all - just an update on our situation....we had a couple of weeks weight gain and I got some partial control for food prep from my D after 12 weeks on FBT. But the ED behaviours deteriorated. We were physically preventing our D from exercising, self harming and running away. She became physically violent. Along with our OP CAMHS team, we agreed to visit the CAMHS inpatient unit with our D. They told us they would not treat her as vegan. I researched private options and found one hospital who said they would, though the CAMHS dietician said that nowhere in Ireland would do so. We were confused and extremely concerned that our D would reject IP treatment on this basis. However, we felt unable to care for her effectively at home so agreed that we should try our local IP option. Once D knew the IP treatment was definitely happen, she refused to eat and drink. I took her to the GP who referred her to medical hospital. She was put on a drip, but with a HR of 40 was discharged. We arrived at CAMHS inpatient unit later that same day. Her refusal continued, and CAMHS wanted to send her back to hospital. They would not take her as she had only just been discharged. She was finally sent by ambulance 48 hours later, into Paediatric A&E. A registrar asked her 'Why won't you eat?' and 'Is it OK if we put you on a drip?' the answer was No. We then had an extremely scary conversation with the consultant about restraint and legal ramifications. Long story very short, she complied with the drip once the Consultant made it a 'fait accompli' and an NG tube followed but not until 3 days later as the admitting Consultant didn't have the expertise, nor did Paeds. We had to wait for a bed to become available under a Gastroenterology Consultant, and some very straight talking to the powers that be from an exceptional Clinical Nurse Manager who happened to have RAN in her family. We have just finished 2 weeks in hospital (accompanied by a court appearance to have D sectioned for the NG) and have now started the IP programme. NG feed is not vegan and neither is Fortisip, both of which my daughter has knowingly consumed. She doesn't like it, but is finally seeing food as medicine. She is already fully compliant with her meal plan which is vegetarian with some dairy/eggs listed as fear foods. She knows some ingredients aren't vegan. She's OK with that. This all feels like massive progress, even though we are at the very start (again) of our journey. She still talks about being vegan when she's discharged but that is very much a worry for another day. To be honest, the vegan issue took a back seat whilst we tried to get a medical hospital to engage with emergency treatment for an anorexic. Some of the ignorance was staggering. Our CAMHS team have been absolutely fantastic throughout and I feel she is going to be very well supported in their unit.
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scaredmom
Hi Becs,
Thanks for the update. What a journey so far!
It sounds like she is now getting the treatment she so desperately deserves to get things going.
You sound well even for all the turmoil up to this point.  
Let us know how we can support you.
All the best.
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Becs
Thanks Scaredmom - I was in absolute bits throughout the hospitalization and prior to that. And in completely different sorts of bits now she's away from me in IP. I thought things couldn't feel any worse than having your daughter bite you whilst you plead with her to drink and to stop exercising - but hearing her refuse a drip in A&E was another level entirely. I guess our journey is now focusing on how to let go and let the inpatient team do their job for a bit. Just being Mum for now and visiting, brushing hair, admiring the artwork she's doing on bed rest is weirdly soothing. And I'm just about to collect my Mum from the airport for a visit which will give D (and me) a huge boost. No doubt I'll be back for support along the journey. And for anyone here reading in Ireland - I feel that I've learnt an awful lot about 'the system' in the last few weeks so happy to help where I can too.
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scaredmom
You know it is terrifying what they do and what we all go through and as mothers we just seem to dive into the deep end for them and take so much on ourselves.I am sorry for what you have endured. We all get it for sure. 
I know when my d was admitted there was a relief of sorts. That someone else will take care of her and I could just be mom too.
it sounds like your visits are a good time for you both doing loving things for her.
and having your mum come will be special.
XXX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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tina72
Hi Becs,
I am totally shocked that it is allowed to refuse a drip for a 15 year old in Ireland. I think that is impossible here in Germany. Up to 18 the parents decide all medical issues. At least one thing that is better here!

It is great that she eats some diary and eggs again, do not stop that and do not give in to a wish to become vegan again. When she talks about that say "mmh, we will talk about that when you are recovered" and change the subject. It is great that cahms is helpful and that she is safe there.

Do something nice for yourself and reload your batteries when she is in IP. That is needed!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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deenl
Hi Becs,

Thanks for the update but so sorry that the journey was so scary. Well done on figuring out how to get your daughter the support she needs.

Warm wishes,

D
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
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sk8r31
Really glad that your d is in a safe place, and is getting the care she so desperately needs.  Enjoy the visit with your mum, and hope that it provides some lightness for your d as well.
Please take this time while d is in hospital to prioritize your own self-care, and get sleep and the rest necessary to be able to manage well when your d returns home.  This is not indulgence, it's your 'prescription' to put yourself in the best possible physical & mental shape to be able to help your d.

Sending warm support,
sk8r31
It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
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toothfairy
Hi Becs,
I was wondering how you were doing.
I am glad she is getting medical attention.
I hope you get some rest and enjoy the visit.

I would advise you to read up as much as you can about meal coaching and treating this illness at home as it is a very long journey.
When our kids are discharged from hospital it is only the start of the journey.

My kid was 4 months in hospital and we had to run our home like an inpatient unit for 1.5 years after that. We still had to heavily monitor and supervise for a few years after that.
Once we got him stable at home with enormous amounts of food for months, and years! the journey was easier, but it was  still full on.

I just wanted to mention that in hind side, If I had known then what I know now, I would have taken him straight away across the ocean to the UCSD 5 day family intensive in San Diego.

http://eatingdisorders.ucsd.edu/treatment/oneweek-intensive-treatment-programs.html

Here are 2 books that I would strongly advise you to read.
https://www.amazon.com/When-Your-Teen-Eating-Disorder/dp/1684030439

and

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Anorexia-other-Eating-Disorders-compassionate/dp/0993059805/ref=sr_1_1?adgrpid=63952652291&gclid=EAIaIQobChMItpfXlpWd4gIVB7LtCh1JjQCCEAAYASAAEgL5e_D_BwE&hvadid=291373533991&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9047193&hvnetw=g&hvpos=1t1&hvqmt=b&hvrand=9610697952868975133&hvtargid=kwd-314394273067&hydadcr=8218_1756783&keywords=eva+musby+anorexia&qid=1557910588&s=gateway&sr=8-1

Here is a small part of my story -,My kid was also treated in Ireland. His target weight was set far to low at BMI 19 which hindered his recovery.
I knew after a while that he could never recover at that weight.I had to fire the clinician and go solo.....as there was nobody that would support this, except his  psychologist T  that was American trained in West coast US.
She agreed with my plan, and she dealt with him and did not talk food, or meal plans, she worked on the rigid black and white thinking and left me to the rest.
I found that Many clinicians are years out of date in how to treat the illness and some have never been properly trained in ED  but attempt to treat it.
GP's apparently just get a couple of hours training in ED in med school, its ridiculous.
Best Wishes
Food is the medicine. Recovery is possible.
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toothfairy
Here is an important video for your information
Food is the medicine. Recovery is possible.
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toothfairy
When you have a spare hour, this video  is one of the best, it is an hour long but an hour very well spent.
I wish I had seen it at the start of  our journey.

Food is the medicine. Recovery is possible.
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Jojo2271
Hi becs

When I have time I will reply properly, similar disease arc here, veganism was just a further slide down the rabbit hole for us. 
D said wouldn't do refeed unless vegan, then ended up NG tube in hospital and transfer to IP. They said no to veganism. 
I backed it up with "darling I appreciate your feelings and views of animal welfare and when you are well and an independent adult you may make choices but right now veganism does not have a place in our lives and I am making that choice for us"

It worked and she now is omnivore at the unit... 
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toothfairy
Hi,
I thought of you when I saw this, in case you are interested
https://www.bodywhys.ie/tipperary-june-8th-9th-free-bodywhys-new-maudsley-workshop-for-families/
Food is the medicine. Recovery is possible.
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