F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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happiness
Hi everyone,

my daughter is almost weight restored but has had a couple of very, very hard days recently. Especially the last week has been so difficult and it was and is almost like going back to the start. Her psychologist said today that she is very concerned about her mood and she might talk to the psychiatrist to put her on anti depressants. 
Now, my d is very clear that she will not take any medication. She took Olanzapine for about 6 weeks, which really helped but was always a huge struggle to get her to take it so we had to stop.
First question: How do you get to take your children to take their meds if they are absolutely refusing? It sometimes took me 2 hours to get her to take 2.5mg Olanzapine. 

Second question: Is it quite common that they become severely depressed around this stage of refeeding or what is happening to her at the moment. she used to be very open with me and we talked about everything and right now she basically does not talk to me at all.

I thought we are on the right track but am so concerned and scared again.

Thank you to all you brave parents out there. 
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K63
Hi Happiness, well done on getting to this stage . It's a very difficult time. My d is weight restored about two months and it took a lot of yo yoing to get to it she was up and down each week and trying to increase when weight was down and she wanted to decrease if it went up it took us about 10 months she is 19 . When she was in a good place I used to tell her that staying at too low a weight was only prolonging her illness and she would end up being chronically ill. She doesn't want this illness to waste any more of her life she says on good days. . She is taking lexopro and has been for two years it took us a few weeks to get her to take them . She completely and utterly refused to take olanzapine . Are ye still supervising meals keep going and continue with the food is medicine .
Daughter started restricting in February 2014, tried re feeding at home hospital admission 4 1/2 months weight restored started restricting post discharge, back on meal plan full supervision weight restored april 2016. Starting to hand back responsibility for meals it's scary. 
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iHateED
It does sound like your D might be going through extinction burst.  The worst part of this illness is that "almost weight restored" does not allow the brain to heal.  She needs to get to true WR for her growth curve and keep it there before brain healing can begin.     I know how hard that can be and I don't want to sound flip.   My D also struggled with the last 5 pounds, going up and down 5 pounds for several months.   It wasn't until she got there ... and kept it there ... did her brain start to heal.   Her doctors also suggested medication but she refused.  Now that she has been in good recovery I would say that she probably never needed it, her anxiety was all caused by the ED.   How true:   FOOD IS MEDICINE! 
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happiness
Thank you everyone and especially for that great link! It all makes sense to me know and I guess it could be extinction burst. the tricky thing is how do you know if it is depression and needs to be treated with medication or if it is just a side effect of the ED and will go away with w/r?

Again, thank you. It is so reassuring to hear that all those things are somehow part of the long road and that it means we are moving forwards and not backwards.
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hopefulmama
Hi Happiness - 

One thing that I didn't see addressed on the previous very wise posts is the question of whether or not your d's target weight is accurate.  I only mention it because you could look back a few years ago and see a post from me very similar to the one you wrote above.  The issue wasn't so much as extinction burst as that my daughter needed to get back to HER historic weight range, not an arbitrary weight.

My d was 17 when diagnosed.  She had always tracked at 75th percentile for weight for her age until ED set in. In an effort to control her anxiety about gaining weight, we originally only made her gain back to 50th percentile.  (I had not yet found this forum.)  All that happened is that her anxiety increased as did her depression.  Because she wasn't at the right weight for HER, she just stayed in that place of severe anxiety and depression - like for a year.  It was awful.  Once we got her back to that 75th percentile (and in fact above for awhile) then we really started to see improvement in the depression and anxiety. It is totally counter-intuitive, but it is what saved my d and got her into strong recovery. 

When I put up my post similar to yours, several wise parents on this forum questioned the weight.  I got pretty defensive and thought that were all obsessed with weight. [mad] I didn't understand how more weight could make it better not worse.  It was only after seeing that the arbitrary weight got us nowhere that i figured we had nothing to lose by pushing the weight higher. 

This post from renowned ED MD Julie O'Toole really helped me too. Once we got my d back to 75th percentile she actually grew almost 2 inches - at 19.

Enjoying my 23 year-old daughter's achievement of active recovery that was made possible by the resources and education I found on this forum.

Don't give up hope!
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hopefulmama
Hi Happiness - 

One thing that I didn't see addressed on the previous very wise posts is the question of whether or not your d's target weight is accurate.  I only mention it because you could look back a few years ago and see a post from me very similar to the one you wrote above.  The issue wasn't so much as extinction burst as that my daughter needed to get back to HER historic weight range, not an arbitrary weight.

My d was 17 when diagnosed.  She had always tracked at 75th percentile for weight for her age until ED set in. In an effort to control her anxiety about gaining weight, we originally only made her gain back to 50th percentile.  (I had not yet found this forum.)  All that happened is that her anxiety increased as did her depression.  Because she wasn't at the right weight for HER, she just stayed in that place of severe anxiety and depression - like for a year.  It was awful.  Once we got her back to that 75th percentile (and in fact above for awhile) then we really started to see improvement in the depression and anxiety. It is totally counter-intuitive, but it is what saved my d and got her into strong recovery. 

When I put up my post similar to yours, several wise parents on this forum questioned the weight.  I got pretty defensive and thought that were all obsessed with weight. [mad] I didn't understand how more weight could make it better not worse.  It was only after seeing that the arbitrary weight got us nowhere that i figured we had nothing to lose by pushing the weight higher. 

This post from renowned ED MD Julie O'Toole really helped me too. Once we got my d back to 75th percentile she actually grew almost 2 inches - at 19.
https://www.kartiniclinic.com/blog/post/determining-ideal-body-weight/

Just today a picture came up on my timehop on FB of my d from 4 years ago when she was at 50th percentile and still very, very sick.  It made me so sad to see.  The normal person would have thought she looked fine and normal, but she was not the vibrant and glowing young woman she is today.... at 75th percentile.



Enjoying my 23 year-old daughter's achievement of active recovery that was made possible by the resources and education I found on this forum.

Don't give up hope!
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hopefulmama
Hi Happiness - 

One thing that I didn't see addressed on the previous very wise posts is the question of whether or not your d's target weight is accurate.  I only mention it because you could look back a few years ago and see a post from me very similar to the one you wrote above.  The issue wasn't so much as extinction burst as that my daughter needed to get back to HER historic weight range, not an arbitrary weight.

My d was 17 when diagnosed.  She had always tracked at 75th percentile for weight for her age until ED set in. In an effort to control her anxiety about gaining weight, we originally only made her gain back to 50th percentile.  (I had not yet found this forum.)  All that happened is that her anxiety increased as did her depression.  Because she wasn't at the right weight for HER, she just stayed in that place of severe anxiety and depression - like for a year.  It was awful.  Once we got her back to that 75th percentile (and in fact above for awhile) then we really started to see improvement in the depression and anxiety. It is totally counter-intuitive, but it is what saved my d and got her into strong recovery. 

When I put up my post similar to yours, several wise parents on this forum questioned the weight.  I got pretty defensive and thought that were all obsessed with weight. [mad] I didn't understand how more weight could make it better not worse.  It was only after seeing that the arbitrary weight got us nowhere that i figured we had nothing to lose by pushing the weight higher. 

This post from renowned ED MD Julie O'Toole really helped me too. Once we got my d back to 75th percentile she actually grew almost 2 inches - at 19.
https://www.kartiniclinic.com/blog/post/determining-ideal-body-weight/

Just today a picture came up on my timehop on FB of my d from 4 years ago when she was at 50th percentile and still very, very sick.  It made me so sad to see.  The normal person would have thought she looked fine and normal, but she was not the vibrant and glowing young woman she is today.... at 75th percentile.



Enjoying my 23 year-old daughter's achievement of active recovery that was made possible by the resources and education I found on this forum.

Don't give up hope!
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Torie
happiness wrote:
the tricky thing is how do you know if it is depression and needs to be treated with medication or if it is just a side effect of the ED and will go away with w/r?


Time.

There is no way to know in advance how much weight is enough or what will happen when she gets there.

Sucks. Oh yeah, it sure sucks that there's no roadmap.

Hang in there - you're doing great. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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