F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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I posted once before about FBT and DBT but haven't gotten much input so I wanted to re-phrase.

D is 18 and relapsed at college.  When life is stable she is able to manage her food and is free of ED behaviors and can manage any thoughts that come up.  She also deals with anxiety and borderline personality disorder (as diagnosed in PHP after WR).

Would a 5 day intensive at CBL help us as parents to support her?  The DBT therapist thinks we need to step in a food support so that she can continue to work through the emotional issues--that dealing with the food on her own and emotional instability would send her back to restricting.

What is the best way to get that training for us?  She is sort of an adolescent but not a young one so we want to plan for helping her be more independent.  She wants to continue treatment in DBT away from home but I think she is going to have to live with us until she is stronger.

Thank you,

It would certainly be worthwhile to contact CBL and speak to a therapist about whether their 5 Day program would be a good fit for your d and your family.

Having attended the UCSD 5 Day program some years ago with our then 17 yo d, I can say unequivocally that it flipped the switch for our whole family.

We gained skills and tools to help our d get WR (and we had been struggling for 3 years), and to support her along the recovery road.  She's just graduated from university, and life is pretty sweet, with multiple interesting paths to pursue.

Wishing you well on the journey...hang in there!

It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
I don't have any direct experience with CBL, but I think it would be very helpful. 

My d was 17 when diagnosed.  We never did full-on FBT, but we were very involved in meals.  For almost 6 months post weight restoration (she was almost 19 then) she ate every meal with me or at her PHP/IOP program.  She needed it for that long for accountability.  She would serve herself, but we had a plan in place of what happened if it wasn't enough or missing food groups (usually fats.)  It was not until my d went residential at Veritas Collaberative that we were able to get on the same page. Previous providers had the approach that we should not be the food police, etc.  You can imagine how well that went. Veritas required a contract before she came home and that was invaluable.  I believe that CBL (and UCSD) use contracts as well. 

We also had to keep her home from college the first semester.  She was WR and eating well, but we knew she was not ready for the added stress of college. It was awful and she hated us at the time, but now says it was the best thing we ever did for her and that she was not ready. 

It was SO important for my d to have the opportunity to navigate stressful situations while at home and still getting support from her PHP/IOP program.  DBT has been invaluable for her, but it took a LONG time before she could use her skills regularly and then even longer for them to be her go to in stressful situations.  I have always tried to protect my kids from the challenges that life throws our way.  I see now how detrimental that was for my d.  She needed to learn the skills necessary to handle the waves.  This was even harder for me as she was in those early stages of recovery.  In a family session one day I was lamenting to our family therapist that I just wish that things were going more smoothly for my d. It was the semester she was home from college and had already missed so much.  She was living in town in an apartment and taking a few classes at a local college.  Her roommate (a girl she had gown up with) was going through her own struggles and was not often at the apartment.  This just added to my d's depression and loneliness.  

Our very wise family therapist reminded me that these were exactly the situations we wanted for my daughter, because that is life.  We wanted to teach her to live INTO the anxieties and imperfections of life.  It was a HUGE AHA moment for me. I have come back to those words many times in the almost 3 years since as my d did go off to college (out of state), navigate challenges with friends and roommates, academic stress, a break up with a boyfriend and studying abroad.  With each stressor over the last few years, I have seen how much more quickly my bobs back up.  She can be in relationships with friends and a new great boyfriend without expectng perfection from them. 

Good luck to you and how great to be working with a professional who gets the importance of the involvement of families, even with a young adult!
Enjoying my 23 year-old daughter's achievement of active recovery that was made possible by the resources and education I found on this forum.

Don't give up hope!