F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

Join these conversations already in progress:
• Road To Recovery - Stories of Hope
• Events for Parents and Caregivers Around the World
• Free F.E.A.S.T Conference Videos

Visit the F.E.A.S.T website for information and support.

If you need help using the forum please reach out to one of the moderators (listed below), or email us at bronwen@feast-ed.org.

Sign up Latest Topics
 
 
 


Reply
  Author   Comment  
ally2016

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 44
Reply with quote  #1 

My D's PHP made rumblings about not keeping her b/c she doesn't seem motivated. Isn't this part of the disease? 

She SHOWS me she wants to in little ways, such as saying "I have to get up early so I can stay on schedule for meals and snacks", being compliant with meal plan (although never going over), says "I can't wait for July 4th next year when I will be able to eat more again."

How have you motivated your kids to recover? I try to let her engage with peers AND holding somethings back that she has to work for (soccer, dance, sleepovers..)

They say she is WR, BUT she was over in the beginning so it's not clear what WR is for her.

mumto3

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 446
Reply with quote  #2 
All those comments from your D sound like positive steps to me...  She is only 13, she still has a lot of growing to do.  My D (now 14) has grown about 5 inches in the last year.  So WR might not be WR if she is growing.
__________________
worried mom
Foodsupport_AUS

Avatar / Picture

Lead Moderator
Registered:
Posts: 3,991
Reply with quote  #3 
Absolutely this is part of the disease. It infuriates every time I read of yet another care provider suggesting that they are not going to provide treatment or withdrawing treatment because X is not motivated enough. I think if you surveyed most of the parents here they would say their kids are frequently not interested in recovery, or ambivalent about recovery for much of their journey. Even those who express a desire to recover with often do all sorts of things which seem to work against recovery. 
My own D does not want to back to the depths of her eating disorder. She struggles though to do anything which may risk her gaining weight, she can eat without a meal plan but always feels a strong need to compensate somewhere along the line, she struggles to see that her anxiety is better when she is well nourished. Six years in and she is still pretty unsure about how recovery works for her. 
That being said you ask how have others motivated their child? I would not say motivation but with my D helping her to recover has been about helping her build back a life with meaning and importance for her that does not involve her eating disorder. For a while she could see nothing other than starvation and trying to die. For my D this included helping her learn new crafts, getting a new puppy that she had to care for and train, helping her rebuild broken friendships and make new ones, giving her confidence back at school by removing as many of the stressors as possible.

__________________
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
Psycho_Mom

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,849
Reply with quote  #4 

"My D's PHP made rumblings about not keeping her b/c she doesn't seem motivated. Isn't this part of the disease?"

YES IT IS.
You might ask them what the heck they mean and what the heck they exactly and specifically want to hear or see from your d. But perhaps this is their way of saying they cannot help your child any more. Which may be true, if your child is eating compliantly and cooperating with you and understanding the basic goal, which is to get back to being able to eat on her own and therefore have a normal life. Do you need this PHP?

"She SHOWS me she wants to in little ways, such as saying "I have to get up early so I can stay on schedule for meals and snacks", being compliant with meal plan (although never going over), says "I can't wait for July 4th next year when I will be able to eat more again."

My d had a long period (maybe for about a year after wr) of being compliant but unable to be at all independent. Ie she'd eat if and only if I served. Not a crumb more. It was a long time and a frustrating time for me, but I think it was a time of brain healing for her. 

"How have you motivated your kids to recover? I try to let her engage with peers AND holding somethings back that she has to work for (soccer, dance, sleepovers..)"

Ya know, I always stuck to the idea of logical consequences/rewards. If my d wanted to go to a pizza party, she'd have to show that she could eat pizza. IF she made a big fuss about pizza at home, then she wasn't well enough to go with her friends to a pizza party. That was huge motivation to face the (very daunting) challenge of pizza. If you are consistent with the message that life requires food, and independent life requires being able to eat enough independently, and help your child practice at home the things she needs to be able to do out in the world (like serve herself a plate of food, on her own, etc) then sooner or later (if you support a healthy and consistent weight range in the meantime) it will sink in.

best wishes,


__________________
D diagnosed with EDNOS May 2013 at age 15, refed at home Aug 2013, since then symptoms gradually lessened and we retaught her how to feed and care for herself, including individual therapy, family skills DBT class, SSRI medication and relapse-prevention strategies. Anxiety was pre-existing and I believe she was sporadically restricting since about age 9. She now eats and behaves like any normal older teen, and is enjoying school, friends, sports, music and thinking about the future.
ally2016

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 44
Reply with quote  #5 
Thank you. That is great feedback.

I hope they will at least still allow her to move to IOP or outpatient at that program since she is more or less bought in.

UGH!
dauntless

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 5
Reply with quote  #6 
FWIW, one thing I found really useful in my daughter's encounter with DBT was the idea that it was ok and natural to both want and not want to recover. It is a lot easier (because it's more truthful) for my d to say "I want to embrace my illness AND I want to recover" than it is to just try and pretend that she's 100% into the fight. If you can get both ideas out in the open, you can talk about the pros and cons of each. 

I've seen cases where programs say, look, we can't do anything for this patient at this time. There's honest to that, right? But they should also be able to recognize progress whether the patient can verbalize it or not (because often they really can't, as far as I've seen). If you do wind up leaving for some other approach or program, it's probably prudent from an insurance perspective for them to make it clear that the discharge isn't implying recovery. 

dauntless
Previous Topic | Next Topic
Print
Reply

Quick Navigation:

Easily create a Forum Website with Website Toolbox.

WTadmin