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martican

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Hi all. Haven't been around - my D had two psychiatric admissions, my son's behavior got heavily affected by all this, and I think I spiraled into depression bc I felt so sick physically and mentally but I wasn't really sick, and crying all the time, thinking I cannot help anyone as I hardly could help myself. Now I am on sertraline, and after some adjusting time, it is a life savior. 
I would appreciate your opinion - my D, with some blips due to her hospital admissions is still considered wr. She changed school last week - she is in a special school for emotionally challenged kids who can't function in the community school. Everyday therapy, less classes, great support. She is still adjusting, she misses her old school. I don't know if it's her transition but she has been asking for smoothies instead of dinner food, saying she doesn't want to chew, and that it is easier to handle. Also, if I let her, she'd be living on Boost. T thinks it would be going backwards if we don't push for normalizing her eating. What is your opinion? Many thanks! 
eternalhope

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Martican, I’m so glad to hear an update. I think of you all and pray for you. I’m the least experienced to give you any advice, but my gut says she needs food, real food. I know it’s hard, but so what you can to get her to try to eat- maybe bites, a snack and then to meals. You are an amazing loving mom under extreme
Circumstances. Take care of yourself and try to get her to eat real food.
Torie

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Reply with quote  #3 
Hi Martican - Welcome back.  Sorry for all the difficulty for your family.

My personal opinion is that it is worth fighting to keep the solid food.  As hard as that is, it would probably be even harder to restart if you let her drop it.  Of course, the most important thing is maintaining her weight, so if you really need to add in some Boosts in order to do that, well, you gotta do what you gotta do.

I hope the Fates decide to give your family a break.  Sounds like you are about due for one.

Keep swimming. xx

-Torie

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"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
tina72

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Hi martican,
I too think this would be a step back and she will try to avoid food with that. It is not normal not to chew and it is very important for the metabolism system that food is been chewed (because there are important things in the saliva) and it is also important for the health of her teeth.
So I would not allow that although there is some stress in school at the moment. It will get better in a few weeks when she has found new friends there.
My d needs to gain some weight because of final exam stress at the moment and she asked me for adding with ensure and I refused. I think this would be a step back and she need to add with normal food (and me adding "specials").
Try to give her some distraction and to help her to get used to the new school. Maybe you can invite some class mates?
Tina72
sk8r31

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Reply with quote  #5 
So sorry to hear how challenging it's been for you & family, but very glad that you have put your own health as a priority as well, so you'll have the strength to 'go the distance'.

I, too, think you should really insist that food & not smoothies make up meals.  Perhaps a smoothie in the morning or evening in place of a snack?

If you can help your d weather this transition phase with school, and continue to serve meals that are as normalized as possible, I think you'll be much better in the long run.  Keep your eye on the prize...a healthy, vibrant young woman who is free of her ED.

Please continue to make your own self-care a priority, as you move forward.  Even a few minutes a day to do something soothing for yourself can make a big difference.  A walk around the block, a bubble bath, a coffee with friends...whatever you can do to bolster your own resolve and self-confidence to handle your d's ED.

Sending warm support,
sk8r31

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It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
scaredmom

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Reply with quote  #6 

HI Martican,
Please take good care of yourself. I would agree to making sure she gets solid foods. I am glad that the meds are working for you. It is so hard on all and hope things get better for all of you!

all the best.
XOXO

mjkz

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Reply with quote  #7 
Quote:
T thinks it would be going backwards if we don't push for normalizing her eating. What is your opinion? Many thanks!


Totally agree with the T.  You can't live a normal life only drinking your meals.  It really limits what you can do and where you can go if you rely solely on a liquid diet.  For some too, it is much easier to drink the calories than eat them so it is still eating disordered.
martican

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Thank you bunches, you warrior mamas, for setting me straight! Will persevere!
Mamaroo

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Reply with quote  #9 
Hi Martican

It seems that dinner is a bit difficult for your D. With my D, as the day continued, it became more difficult for her to eat. She ended up living on ensures for months, but was still required to taste food. It took months to get her to accept food again, so I would suggest try and avoid that.

Your d might be mentally exhausted from school (and the new transition) and then can't find the mental strength to eat at dinner. It is worth a try to give her dinner food after school as afternoon tea and then a smoothie at dinner (that is switch dinner and afternoon tea). That way she still gets to eat. Let her know that this is just for the interim until she settles into her new school. It is important to keep her eating food, but it is more important to get the calories in. Somehow for supper (served between 8:30pm and 9pm) my d found strength again to eat food. She would have cheese and crackers (nice and chewy). Maybe try and mix things around and see what would work for you. 

Best of luck and sending plenty of hugs! 

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D became obsessed with exercise at age 9. Started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. She is back to her old happy self and can eat anything put in front of her. Now working on intuitive eating.
martican

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Reply with quote  #10 
thank you, Mamaroo - your advice helped! Much less stressful for her, for now.
In the social group I mentioned, it is on Tue and Thu, they have dinner there - it is a supervised activity. The staff knows about my D's problems, and I was picking her up before dinner so she could eat at home. Last Thursday she asked to stay there for dinner! Huge step, because eating with strangers made her uncomfortable and anxious But we gave it a try, she gets some discrete help in plating her food, and eats with the new friends. I get a report what she ate so I could make it up in an evening smoothie/snack. She eats good there but the food is not "fortified" with my cream and butter😉 maybe this will help with the rest of the week's dinner transition.
eternalhope

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Reply with quote  #11 
Great job Martican and Mammaroo! I’m so glad to hear of her progress. Martican, I think of you often and admire your determination to stick with it and supplement what the facility is doing. Awesome job.
Mamaroo

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Reply with quote  #12 
So happy to hear Martican!! Great that she could eat with friends 😁. You're making great progress.
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D became obsessed with exercise at age 9. Started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. She is back to her old happy self and can eat anything put in front of her. Now working on intuitive eating.
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