F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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Pingu
after 6 months she is discharged today.
Not quite sure how I feel 
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Ellesmum
How is she doing Pingu? You’re bound to have mixed emotions.
Ellesmum
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Pingu
She’s not recovered .... she’s mentally the same with the ED , I’m taking her away to a lovely beach cottage for some girl time with the dog and am praying this will help to clear her mind a little and to want some sort of recovery 
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tina72
Try to keep as much rules from IP as possible and do not take over food decisions to her until you see a clearly change in mind. Is she nearly WR?
Keep us updated and please come here if you need help or just to vent.
We are with you in spirit!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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scaredmom
Hi pingu,
I do hope it goes well. Were they able to get some good weight on her?
The cottage sound lovely . 
Let us know how it goes.
XXX
Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Ronson
I hope it goes well x 
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Foodsupport_AUS
Having some time together is a great idea  to get things started for life outside. Definitely keep everything the same as IP initially. I am not a person who has strong routines so really had to work hard at this when my D was discharged. I hope it goes well, and you can both enjoy the time together.  
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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Mamaroo
Was just thinking about you, Pingu, how did the weekend go?
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9. Started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. She is back to her old happy self and can eat anything put in front of her.
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KLB
I hope things are going well for you both. 
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Pingu
Hi all
the place we have come to is like a luxury little village so lots of things on site and it’s walking distance to the beach. First day after she was weighed at camhs where she maintained- we walked on the beach with abbey our dog. She was throwing her the toy stick and ru Ning towards the water head back laughing. Initially I was gonna say stop running and then thought bugger it let her be a teenager having fun . We then played air hockey which I won and my victory moon walk also causes a laughing fit.
walking back to the cottage after a teatime beach photography session we both danced in the streets to baby shark....full arm acttion.
the neighbours will think we’re nuts but I don’t care. Gonna teach her pool later in the bar and just relax and have fun and also talk about her fears 
I think this was the beat idea I’ve had
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tina72
That sounds so great, Pingu. Have some good time together, repairing the relationship is really needed to have a better start at home. Have a good time and relax a bit!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Pingu
Thanks I’m learning a lot about her and it’s a revelation. She’s not my baby any more but a young woman and I need to respect that and let go a little whilst still supporting her
its a very odd/strange time. We are having gems of fun though xx
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scaredmom
Pingu, 
I am smiling ear to ear to hear how nice things are for you both. You both deserve this lovely time of healing and celebration.
XXX
Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Mamaroo
That sounds lovely, I'm glad you all are having a good time, you deserve it!
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9. Started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. She is back to her old happy self and can eat anything put in front of her.
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teecee
Lovely to hear 😊👍🏻💕
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Pingu
So I lost my cool
last night there I’d had enough of Ed negotiations 
I lost my rag 
she’s gone to dads for the week and tbh I need the break 
I found it fabulous but also exhausting 
anyone know why they drink water so much????
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scaredmom
Waterloading is common with AN. It can trick the scales. 
Did  they identify that in hospital? It likely needs to stop. Did the hospital give you a plan to follow with food, behaviours etc..? 
Too much water can harmful too and cause hyponatremia (low sodium)  in the blood that can cause the brain to swell and increase risk of seizures.

XXX
Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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tina72
And they often drink so much water to fill the body and not feel the hunger so much. Water should be limited to 1,5 l a day, it is dangerous to drink much more like scaredmom said.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Pingu
I only realised she was doing this Cos I sneaked a look at something I shouldn’t have
im not proud of myself but I needed to know what was going on
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mimi321
I think it is definitely okay to do that for the reason of safety, I would not feel guilty about that or let it stop me from acting on it. If you don't want to let her know that you did it, close all supervision around her to the point where she would not be able to do that. If she gets angry about the supervision, just tell her this is part of her transition back home to keep her safe, just as they did in the hospital. After all, she should have nothing to hide and you're just doing what is recommended to help her transition safely back to home and to stay home and to keep enjoying life. 
Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. - A. A. Milne
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mimi321
If you want to avoid sneaking or feeling like you're doing something wrong, you can avoid that by keeping supervision tight. Don't feel bad about supervising her that amount, it may feel strange because of her age or like you're being overprotective, but really with this illness you need to at this stage to keep her safe. If she wonders why you are supervising her more, you can say you just realized you needed to do that, or you were speaking to the hospital or read about how that was the right step for now. She may not like it but it will give you peace of mind and will keep her safe. Tell her it is a standard safety precaution that we need to follow for now or something like that.
Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. - A. A. Milne
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teecee
Be kind to yourself...that’s called being a good parent x
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tina72
Pingu wrote:
I only realised she was doing this Cos I sneaked a look at something I shouldn’t have
im not proud of myself but I needed to know what was going on


You NEED to do that to help her recover! We all do that and that is needed!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Pingu
The issue I have is that I have shared care with an ex who did not engage at all 
I have seen a solicitor but she doesn’t want to live with me permanently Cos she knows I will be harder in the ed 
Believe me I’ve been here before and the authorities listen to her Cos she has great communication skills and she makes out I’m over protective 
combine that with my bi polar it’s lije being gas lighted by your own child
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mimi321
That is definitely a tough position to be in. You would like to supervise her as needed, but feel she will go with Dad who is not on the same page, and that you won't be believed by authorities because of her communication skills and will be doubted because of your bipolar. It seems that right now ED is in control. Maybe there are other solutions, but when we look at it we could ask where do you have control? Definitely in your own house. Maybe if you set the ground rules for your house and follow through, let her Dad know this is what you're doing for her safety and tell him that is what is needed for her safety. He may or may not follow the same rules. She may go with him. Things may get worse for her with Dad. Either she or Dad may realise their way is not working. You are happy to be part of her care and support but only under safe conditions. It is definitely okay for you to set the boundaries you feel are necessary. This is taking a stand against ED. Your house, your rules.

Again, maybe there are other solutions or other considerations, just putting that possibility out there. You could ask the hospital what guidelines they recommend for keeping her safe and explain the water drinking or other things that could come up with lack of supervisio (purging, etc.) That way when you follow through on these guidelines it will hsow you are being a responsible parent of a child with a serious illness who requires more supervision than most children her age. If thr hospital is lax on giving you guidelines, myabe get in touch with someone higher up with more authority, or consult the ED specialist, something to show that such supervision is required and not the result of an overprotective parent.

Hope this helps! It's tough to navigate sometimes isn't it, and all circumstances aren't always straightforward!
Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. - A. A. Milne
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