F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Seashell
My AN binge/purge D refuses to attend appointments, something quite usual with ED. She had been threatened with sectioning by one HCP last time we went if she didn’t attend the next meeting, something we would actually like to happen as unless she is locked up we can’t stop the binging (breaks into our cupboards/steals from us /shoplifts etc to get food.) Today she again didn’t attend and this time the much lauded head psychologist was there. We suggested banning this and that until she attends but this head psychologist said not to do that. Her opinion was that nothing can really be done until she wants help. That inpatient would achieve nothing she’d be the same after a stint inpatient etc. I’m really confused. What would you do? 
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Kali

Hi Seashell,

So sorry you find yourself in this predicament. 
If they had mentioned sectioning her if she did not show up perhaps they should follow through on that and make sure that it actually happens? 

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Her opinion was that nothing can really be done until she wants help.That inpatient would achieve nothing she’d be the same after a stint inpatient. What would you do? 

How old is your daughter?
It sounds from looking through your past posts that you have been at this since summer 2018? And at the moment your daughter is stuck. 
There has been food refusal, suicidal threats, violence, ng tubes, rude behavior, purging, weight loss, refusal to engage with her team, etc. All the sort of ugly events that none of us ever wanted in our homes and are not quite sure what to do about when it happens. 

What would I do if it was my daughter? I would think that if what is happening now with her team and at home is not working then it is time to try something else. I would not allow them to give up on her by saying that it will just be the same after she leaves inpatient. 

I would have her sectioned and insist that she not be allowed to visit the bathroom alone for at least 2 hours after each meal. I would not want her to come home again until she had been purge free for quite a while and had been fully weight restored. I would go back and discuss this with the psychiatrist and team, and talk with them about anosognosia and find out how to get a placement for her. It is not necessary for someone to want to get well in order for the illness to be treated since a symptom of the illness in many cases is that the person does not WANT to get well. 

I did have my daughter in residential treatment for 3 months and there were no opportunities to visit the bathroom after eating and they weight restored her. She was not "cured" when she came home and it was a long slog after that, however she came to realize that if she didn't eat and kept going down the path of purging and starving, that eventually she might die. And her life would certainly be difficult and perhaps ruined and she might never get to do many of the things she had envisioned doing in her life. That was an important moment. After being fully nourished for awhile there was a path forward which eventually led to remission. But not without steps forward and backward of course. It took a long time.

Your daughter deserves to have the opportunity to be treated and to get well even if she does not seem to want it at the moment. 
You are in the UK so you probably can't switch teams but perhaps some of the other UK parents can make some suggestions here about how to proceed. Recovery is possible and intervention to stop behaviors can help.

sending warm wishes,

Kali

 

Food=Love
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Torie
I agree with Kali.

The idea that she needs to want to get better is outdated and dangerous.

Can you speak with the previous HCP who said she would be sectioned if she missed this appointment? xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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ValentinaGermania
Seashell wrote:
Her opinion was that nothing can really be done until she wants help. That inpatient would achieve nothing she’d be the same after a stint inpatient etc. I’m really confused. What would you do? 


You are right to be confused and this is no up to date ED therapy, this is ideas from 30 years ago.
There is no need to wait until they want to get help. Most ED patients do not get there until they are in very good recovery. My d started to ask for help about a year after WR and until then refused to see she is sick at all (anosognosia).
Please ask for the person that is above that psychologist or change the therapists at all if possible. Ask for a specialised ED therapist that is up to date.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Seashell
Love you ValentinaGermania. There isn't really anyone more senior or specialised than her. I've emailed for clarification but H thinks its because they have so many families battering the door down wanting to be helped that they've already wasted two hours on her as she won't turn up so they have to use their resources wisely. I have one last shot. Any advice of how to get her there?
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melstevUK
Hi Seashell.  The person with clout and who can make changes is the consultant psychiatrist in charge of your d's care and who has ultimate responsibility for your d s care 

You need to make an appointment with this person on your own without the team to discuss ways forward. If you want her sectioned and hospitalised the psychiatrist who is the person in the UK who can make this happen. 

Take no notice of what the psychologist says. I have found that, while well meaning, so many psychologists do not seem to be up to date with the science and the impact of eds on the brain. So go and see the psychiatrist.  Get the name of the person then phone his or her secretary and ask for an appointment. Don't be put off, tell them you want to discuss your d s care. 
Believe you can and you're halfway there.
Theodore Roosevelt.
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Torie
Wow, Melstev, that sounds like great advice from someone who understands the system.

Seashell, you asked, "Any advice of how to get her there?"  

You will have to be craftier and more persistent than ED.  Carrots and sticks could both be considered.  Another thing to consider is that she may flat out disappear when it comes time to leave for the appointment.

One day, my d had an appointment after school, and I had an urgent inkling that she would disappear instead of coming home to go to the appointment.  So I went to school and stood at her locker waiting for her to appear after her last class.

A school employee told me I was not allowed to be in that hallway, so I had to go hide in the bathroom.  (I'm sure it was against the rules for me to be there, too.)  When I heard the mass of footsteps and voices, I went back out and waited at her locker.  Boy, was she shocked to see me there!

Sometimes we have to get creative.  xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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ValentinaGermania
I like Tories idea of making it impossible not to go to the appointments...🙂
Is there any leverage you can use in addition for every time she goes there with you?
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Enn
Would your d make a fuss if there was another non family member with you when you take her? My d would act well behaved with others and would listen to them for fear of looking "bad".
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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