F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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Erin_Guthrie06

My daughter was admitted for under eating this week for 4 days, she’s doing great. 

She was diagnosed with BED and eating disorders otherwise not specified.... I find it hard to control the binges as it turns into starvation. She looks at the amount of food not what she is eating. She doesn’t want to eat as she will get fat.

I’m so lost on how to help her. I try to figure out what is going on inside of her thoughts. 

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Foodsupport_AUS
Unfortunately trying to understand her thoughts may not help. It is common to have a fear of getting fat, that is often a part of the illness. The fear of fatness however is not always based on reality or logic. What we as parents need to understand is that they need to eat to get well. They find eating frightening, it increases their anxiety, but they still need to eat anyway. I think it would help you to have a look at Eva Musby's video 

You may think this only applies to anorexia, however it applies to your daughter as well. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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ValentinaGermania
Hi and a very warm welcome from Germany! Sorry that you need to be here with us.
This is not a logical disease, it is a brain disease. It will not help to try to understand what she is thinking as it is irrational. You can help her more with learning what this disease does with her brain and how to help her to get back to normal eating. First step is to take over and control her intake and avoid binging and starvation with that. Serve normal meals, 3 meals and 2-3 snacks. Eat with her together so she cannot restrict anything and hide anything. Read the FEAST family guides and learn here as much as you can. We are all here to help you so please ask your one million questions.

If you want to understand what is going on in her brain at the moment I would recommend Carrie Arnolds book "Decoding anorexia". It explains all the biochemical processes that are going on with EDs.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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greekdude
Yes, the bungee jumping parallel I found myself very enlightening. Just came back from a cafe with my son who is on weekend leave from the IP (this thing is like in the military), he asked me about BMI, if he has to be 70Kg, I just told him, son let go all that, there is no use discussing it. I found the pages 10-14 of Eva Musby's book helpful how AN works inside the kid's brain.
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Barberton

Erin_Guthrie06,

There is no logic to EDs. Eva Musby's work is super helpful and if you can listen to podcasts, listen to Tabitha Farrar's account of recovery. It took me a while to 'get it' but once I could recognise the same behaviours in my d, then I had a better idea about how to approach things with my d. Understanding what she is thinking helped me have more empathy and compassion for helping her. 

You write that you have trouble controlling the binges. What do you mean? 

D fell down the rabbit hole of AN at age 11 after difficulty swallowing followed by rapid weight loss. Progressing well through recovery, but still climbing our way out of the hole.
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PurpleRain
I love Eva and Tabitha, her podcasts and videos were a game changer for us!
13 yo d started to eat "healthy" September 2018, she had a growth spurt a bit later, followed by tummy bug. She started restricting breakfast and school lunch in January 2019 (that we know). We succesfully refed at home.
I have found inner strenght, patience and compassion that I did not know I had.
Never retreat, never surrender
keep feeding
 
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MKR
I agree. 

Eva Musby covers so many scenarios, you are bound to find your particular situation in there. And she shows so much love and compassion for the child ❤.

Tabitha struck a cord, she discussed things that I was not even willing to admit were happening in our situation. And the research behind them.


Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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