F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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WeRnotdone Show full post »
mamabear
Formygirl- Thankyou for posting and being so honest. 
Persistent, consistent vigilance!
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Torie
I agree, Mamabear; it is great that ForMyGirl posted that honest recap.  So sorry, though, to hear about the current difficulties.

It is like climbing a hill of sand.  You fight your way up a few steps and then slip back down one.  Up three and down two.  If you stop before reaching the top, gravity will pull you all the way back down.xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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WeRnotdone

Formygirl,
  Thank you for sharing your story. It’s all so heartbreaking and isolating. She will most likely have a scholarship as well to the University she choose to attend. I thought it would be motivation for her to stick to her meal plan this year but it was not. Just trying to form a back up plan now and I will probably apply to some Universities closer to home since she will not do it. 
    Yep, there is judgement everywhere. Her boyfriend’s family loves her and she could move in with them if she chose. They have been dating 3 months and it’s like they are engaged to be married. I am using threats and incentives and I am sure I get bashed as a lunatic because no one gets it and she looks a normal weight and is a straight A student like most of our kids are.
  Thank you for the support, I am at a loss finding it anywhere but here. 

D Diagnosed with AN age 15 around 9/2017. First regression close to WW wanting to eat healthier. 2nd regression started self harm with inpatient stay for suicidal thoughts. 18 now and fighting to get out of 3rd down slide.
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Torie
WeRnotdone wrote:
There have been times she was much better with her symptoms been giving a little freedom then had a worsening of symptoms. If that’s not a relapse then a regression? 

I think regression is as good a word as any for this.  I'm not sure a specific term has been established.

We often hear, especially in the older literature, that relapse is essentially inevitable.  So discouraging!  Actual relapse (after they have been well and truly weight restored and maintained that weight until an improvement in state) is not nearly so common, although much more common than we would like.  Of course, if treatment is cut back before they are able to eat fully and independently, the results are not nearly as good as if the full press is kept on longer.

Do you know the boyfriend's mom?  Any chance you could speak with her or offer some reading material?  It is much harder when ED finds unwitting allies among the sufferers friends' and partners.  Perhaps she could help her son understand this a bit?  xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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MKR
I agree you should have a heart to heart with the boyfriend's parents.  As you mentioned, the boyfriend has some issues, too and they may be able to relate better once they know more about what ED can entail. Who knows, they might get it, they are parents like you. 

Only saying this because I bet we all knew very little in those blissful days before the experience hit our families. It is exhausting teaching the uninitiated, so if you just pick the key people, it may help a lot.
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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WeRnotdone

Torie and MKR,
    I small talk with the parents. Haven’t known them long at all but they seem nice. I did try to talk with the mom a bit casually about how D is still struggling. She looked at my D as she was in the room and really said nothing. I think because she doesn’t look super skinny, she thinks I am just a controlling parent. If the situation got serious I would contact and ask for a private chat. D is too focused on diet and exercise to have a clue what she wants in a partner. I have suggested to the boyfriend reading material which he has not read. To me a guy really interested would do some homework.
   There is still the incorrect belief out there that parents cause this illness. I feel it every time I talk about it so I stop talking. Just venting about this has giving me some confidence dealing with my D.
   Thank you. 

D Diagnosed with AN age 15 around 9/2017. First regression close to WW wanting to eat healthier. 2nd regression started self harm with inpatient stay for suicidal thoughts. 18 now and fighting to get out of 3rd down slide.
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Enn
WeRnotdone, 
I truly understand the feelings of frustration about the lack of knowledge about EDs in the world.
Your d is still so young and so is her boyfriend and likely they are just having fun. I think if they were serious, then I would make every effort to Educate them. 

There is a lot of misunderstanding of many illnesses r and Eds were never in the  the mainstream like heart disease or cancer.  I wish it were different but I am sure many other groups who advocate for other illnesses feel as we do. 
I still feel you need to speak the truth when you can. Please don't stop talking about Eds. Your voice is important and that is how we make changes. You may one day speak to another parent and then they may recognize that their child may also have an ED and your interactions may help save their kid and others. Please don't be disheartened. Your voice needs to be heard. 

🎀
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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