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teecee

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Reply with quote  #1 
I’ve been putting this off for a while but I feel we are close to needing to go clothes shopping...something we’ve not done in a while. We’ve previously tried her shopping with friend...with boyfriend...me buying clothes without her there...me standing in the changing room with her trying things on and being insistent on her not looking in the mirror. None of this has resulted in a positive experience.
Does anyone have any tips for a successful shopping trip with my 16yr old D?
This used to be such a favourite thing for us to do. Also just to add to the stress she has decided she now definitely wants to go to the school prom so prom dress shopping is looming. Help!!
Foodsupport_AUS

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Reply with quote  #2 
No magic formula, but they do pick up on our anxiety about how it is going to go. Talk to her about what clothes you need to get. If she just wants replacements sometimes you can just buy on line larger sizes and then return those that don't fit. 

Remind her that clothing sizes are inconsistent.

It is great that she wants to go to the prom. Our kids are often too afraid of socialising and isolate themselves. Hopefully she has a fabulous time. 

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D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
Mamaroo

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Reply with quote  #3 
I remember it being so hard to go clothes shopping. My d used to spend forever n the changing rooms looking at herself in the mirror (we don't have a full length mirror at home). My h told her one day (when she complained about not having anything to wear) that it was because she was being so difficult when we went clothes shopping and she had to stop complaining. From that day it went better. I would tell her at the first sign of complaint the shopping trip would be over. As soon as she started complaining I would remind her that we would leave if she continued and that made a huge difference.  

As Foodsupport did, I also bought the next size up (the next day when d was at school), hid it until I saw the item getting tight and at laundry time swapped it over (of course cutting of the labels so she won't noticed). I did it with underwear as well and she never noticed the swap over [wink].

Try and make it a short shopping trip, say only going for pants today and tomorrow look for t-shirts, so that she doesn't feel too overwhelmed at replacing a lot of her clothes. For things like pajamas you can get them yourself. Here in Aus it is very easy to return unworn items, so you can buy different styles and let her choose at home and return the rest the next day.

I don't have much experience with prom dresses, sorry. Do you know a good dress maker? Maybe if she has a dress style in mind, someone can make it for her to suit her body? Just a thought.

My d is a lot better now and she loves clothes shopping, my banking account does not!

__________________
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9. Started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. She is back to her old happy self and can eat anything put in front of her. Now working on intuitive eating.
tina72

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Reply with quote  #4 
Hi teecee,
I so remember shopping was hell at the beginning and I ordered all through internet! But she was complaining a lot and we needed to send 80% back. I stopped it totally until WR and just changed clothes that she had into bigger sizes (labels cut out). That worked well.
Mamaroos idea of a time and item limit is great, also the idea to stop it when she complains.
If it doesn´t work, think about ordering it in http://www.

With the prom dess it will be difficult because they are always very form-fitting. My ideas: can you ask her what her dress should be like and then go to the shop alone first and get 2 or 3 dresses of that style and her size to choose from and try that on at home? This dress might be like "fear-food" and it might help her to have a limit in choosing.
We had problems to find a dress because size 4 and 6 are the smallest here in Germany in most labels and you might need a tailor to change it.
My d is going to her prom in June, too. I could not imagine that would ever happen last year.

Tina72
clem

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Reply with quote  #5 
Hi there,

Can't help with the prom dress, but we are also in the same boat re needing some clothes, we have not been for ages and I don't think it appropriate for my D right now, plus I cannot get her out the door.

So my plan is to also buy online as Tina72 and Mamaroo suggests, and get a couple pairs of leggings that D wears, one size bigger and cut the labels out. I will report back on the result. Certainly worth a try. The shopping 'time limit' is also a good idea.

XX

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D15, Restrictive AN. 5' 8" and 51kg. Diagnosed and hospitalised in Sept 2017 for 9 days. At home since in recovery/relapse/recovery. In the trenches and tackling FBT. Not a vegan anymore!
teecee

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Reply with quote  #6 
The shopping time limit is a good idea and the complaining as yes I’ve experienced that and also spending ages in the dressing rooms.
Unfortunately she is in to fashion so you can imagine if I bought things it would not go down well. She did the Internet thing and it got out of hand with the change in size so I really want to go with her and make sure we’re not wasting more money on things that don’t fit and never get returned.
Re the prom dress I’ve found a shop that specialises and she likes their dresses. I’m debating on whether to ring ahead and prep them on not being gushy about ‘looking fantastic’ and hiding the mirrors?! Or should I not do that and see if she can handle it this time??
She is much better with her state of mind at the moment I’m just scared of setting her back a long way.
needhelp

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Reply with quote  #7 
Hi teecee- how exciting that she wants to go to the prom. I think it might be a good idea to just tell the store your name and that you will be coming in with your daughter at a certain time and that you would like to be paired with a salesperson (not sure how the shops are there- here you get put with a salesperson at most prom shops) who just does whatever it is you want (selects dresses in certain sizes, certain styles, only assists- whatever your needs are- you might even request a more mature salesperson who will not mention weight). So often with prom dresses you hear— Oh you look so thin in that, oh that hugs your body so well, it looks a little tight/ loose there, I think you need the next size, oh you look like a model, I wish I were as skinny as you—- just examples as to why it might be helpful. If you don’t want to do that I would suggest trying to keep your daughter busy in the dressing room, and if the sales person gets too chatty you could tell her that your daughter tends to make faster decisions when she is not pressured or given much feedback. The reason I suggested keeping her busy in the dressing room is that in prom dressing rooms, here, everyone typically comments on everyone’s dresses as they step out. Please- I don’t mean to scare you- just prepare you. We’ve done two proms and 6 homecomings. Enjoy the time- planning ahead with a strategy could make it really be a wonderful day- and if she feels good about herself in a dress- that’s a real victory! Here’s to an amazing shopping day followed by a wonderful prom.
teecee

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Reply with quote  #8 
Hi there
Yes it is one of the stores where you make an appointment with one salesperson so I may speak beforehand and tell them that comments aren’t helpful so we avoid any potential issues.
Fingers crossed we have a good experience. Thank you for your advice we are just happy she is looking forward to it as I don’t think I can ever remember her wanting to go. If she was ever going to go it was a case of ‘having to as that’s what you do.’ Now she is engaging with girls at school and having social times ....not enforced isolation. Long may it continue!!
Xx
clem

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Reply with quote  #9 
Really good and positive news Teecee!

xx

__________________
D15, Restrictive AN. 5' 8" and 51kg. Diagnosed and hospitalised in Sept 2017 for 9 days. At home since in recovery/relapse/recovery. In the trenches and tackling FBT. Not a vegan anymore!
tina72

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Reply with quote  #10 
Teecee, that are great news. Destraction and being together with "normal" friends is the best AN therapy.
I wish you a very nice prom, my d is going to hers in June, too.
Could not image this would ever happen last year.
You are doing great! Keep swimming!
Tina72
teecee

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Reply with quote  #11 
Thank you everyone.
Tina72 I really hope your D has a lovely time at her prom 😊
Xx
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