F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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momupnorth
Wondering how you lovely people have managed dealing with Christmas while your child is in a treatment centre.  Our d is currently in treatment and will not be eligible for a Christmas Day pass.  She has never been away form home for the holiday before.  We are allowed to go do a 2 hour visit on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing day.  D is upset by this but seems to be managing/accepting at this time.  What I am wondering is how you and your families managed.  I am having a really hard time keeping up and trying to keep things as close to normal as I can for our other d.  I am currently managing though it gets harder every day we get nearer the holiday and I realize my dear d won't be home with us.
How have you coped?
Mom Up North
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mjkz
The first time I cried a lot.  The second time I was much calmer and took full advantage of the visits.  The third time I did a normal Christmas at home and visited my daughter later in the day.  I do think it is important to keep things semi normal for the ones still at home.  One program my daughter was in let us open presents together.  One didn't want to do that so we each gave each other one gift to open.    It is so hard not to have them home but at the same time it was almost a relief given how horrible Christmases had been with ED there.
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momupnorth
I have been crying a lot.  I know she is not ready to be home...still has eating and self-harm issues that she needs to get under control.  It is just so very hard without her here.  we will get to see her on Christmas and on Christmas eve and Boxing day, for which I am truly grateful.
I jusg really wish she could be home!
Mom Up North
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EC_Mom
It must be hard to miss your d and esp. at Xmas. Still, your d is safe and you are not currently responsible for her eating, which are in a way two good things. When she comes home it will be all on you again. This doesn't have to be the best Xmas of your lives, maybe you can even think of it as the WORST one of your lives, with the great prospect of them all being better after ED is stomped out.
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HateEDwithApassion
I'm sorry to hear this, I know it's so hard and I feel you sadness.
At the same time... holidays are really hard on our ED kids. The anxiety of food, lots of people, feeling like they have to have conversation about what they've been up to, etc. My D came home right before Thanksgiving and quite honestly, I wish she would have stayed over the holidays where she would have had meal and mood support.

I know it's hard and this illness sucks, but I agree with the others... take advantage of knowing she's safe, you are not responsible for her eating that day, and you can see her at some point. Then try to enjoy your family knowing - and praying - that by doing this, next Christmas may look 1000x better. Hang in there.
19 yo D. AN - since about 15 years old. WR quickly - but the last four years have been tough. Since Sept. 2017, two residential stays, now in IOP, fighting a relapse. ED is hanging on, mental state not great, can't get her to remain at a weight long enough or high enough to see mental healing. She's on a gap year that will likely now turn into two.
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