F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Morgana
I'm sorry I've not been on here for a few weeks, it's been really intense with d in ip as she hasn't been doing very well. She has the ng tube but had been refusing 2 feeds each day, having huge meltdowns and sobbing all the way through half the feeds.

So utterly heartbreaking.

Last week they were close to sectioning her so they can physically restrain her to administer the feeds but she managed to allow them to do the feeds better. 

We visit every day, and some visits are better than others. 

And here we are, two days until Christmas. She's not ready for home leave. We'll be visiting her in between her supervision and feed times,  but we also have our son to think of, so we are going to visit in the afternoon, come home, then go back for the evening visit. I think we probably would be allowed visit in the morning as well but my husband is working late xmas eve so I don't know yet.

Any tips or advice for getting through the day? I wish I had better news and was able to post advice myself but I am empty.

15yr old d. June 2014 stomach pain. Medical investigations until Feb 2015, referred to CAMHs dx food anxiety. Kept restricting and losing weight until July 2015, medically unstable. Began intensive re-feeding at home. Re-evaluated by psychiatrist, dx Autism Spectrum Disorder and Atypical AN.
Found out it's actually Typical AN.
IP from Oct 15, ng tube Nov. Re-started eating food July 2016. Discharged from IP August 2016 97% weight for height.
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mrsfranks
Morgan my heart is breaking for you and your family..Big hugs and well wishes for all of you.

Not sure if I have any useful advice on how to get through the day other than to TRY and focus on the positives. The one thing that helps me in the really tough moments when she hates me is that at least she is alive and hating me, that is far better than the alternative. I also reminded myself that it won't be forever, I know it feels like it at the time though. When all else fails fake it till you make it, that one has been used a lot around here!

I really wish I had more to offer but you have been through so much already...you can get through this too.

XXX
Failure is NOT an option.....
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sk8r31
So sorry to hear of these challenges....thinking of you & family, & sending cyber hugs.

Here is a recent post that was added to butterfly's 'options' thread.  It has ideas on how to spend Christmas day with your loved one in IP, from a parent who's been in your shoes.

Hope that the new year brings your d closer to good health, and that life becomes less stressful for you all.
It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
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Sotired
I wrote this on a different thread and it may already have been suggested but what about a Christmas stocking with art stuff and some nice bath gel,face cream,lip balm.as a family we created a poster for my d,my h drew funny pictures,I wrote some inspirational and some funny quotes,the kids drew pictures.it hung up in her room her whole stay.an art activity you can all do together-making silly animals out of modelling chocolate or plasticine.a pack of cards.nothing food related,just fun stuff to get you and your family through.scrabble maybe?
We are having a rough time here so I get what you are feeling.At least your d is safe,last year and this year that is what I have to be thankful for.good luck a as merry an Xmas as can be managed.
Sotired42
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Torie
So sorry, Morgana. The only advice I can think of is to take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time and remember that it DOES get better so next Christmas will almost surely be better.

Thinking of you ...

xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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Jasmine1
hi there! so sorry to hear things are difficult at the moment. This time last year my daughter was in hospital too. We got through it but yes it was the worst Christmas of our lives and feels like a bit of a blur. I think we just tried to make it as nice as possible given the situation. We tried to have some fun playing games, watching a Christmas movie, dressing up in a posh frock, gift giving and trying to stay positive and happy even though our hearts were breaking.
Our daughter too is undergoing assessment for aspergers. So I just want you to know I understand how difficult things can be. You're not alone. There's so much pressure to have the 'perfect Christmas' and the media is full of images of the 'perfect family' But for many of us it's not like that. We just have to keep going and do our best. I hope 2016 is a better year for you.
Daughter was age 11 when she started restricting Aug 2014, admitted to paed ward Dec 2014 for low BP, pulse rate and spent 3 weeks there. As they were about to NG tube her, she decided to eat again. After approx. 1.5 years on a meal plan and lots of toil, sweat and tears she is weight restored and has just been discharged from NHS care. It's been a very slow traumatic process but each day we are making progress.
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NELLY_UK
Today is what it is and you will be together still. So happy Christmas Morgana. Xxx
NELLY D 20 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. ED/Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
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K63
Hi Morgana , thinking of you today ,hope ye can enjoy a bit of christmas cheer and that visit with d will be ok . This was us last year our d was ip she is home this year a lot better we have come far and have a long way to go. Warm thoughts.
Daughter started restricting in February 2014, tried re feeding at home hospital admission 4 1/2 months weight restored started restricting post discharge, back on meal plan full supervision weight restored april 2016. Starting to hand back responsibility for meals it's scary. 
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Doitagain
Dear Morgana - I sincerely hope you all got through today. Xxx
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Elena
I've just been moaning about our Christmas, but how much harder yours must be. Thinking of you. Hang in there, surely next Christmas will be better, and the next one better still..... at least I really hope so. I feel as if the innocent joy of Christmas is all gone from our family. And instead of feeling disappointed that Christmas is over, I feel relief that we got through it.  I hope that you somehow managed to have a little Christmas fun, but it is very hard when so much of celebrations are based around eating together. Best Wishes...
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Morgana
Thank you so much everyone. I read your messages as you posted but didn't have the heart to reply at the time. It meant so much to know you were thinking of us.
I was anticipating the day to be much worse than it was, and I actually found Christmas Eve to be much worse I think because of my dread!

Christmas day itself was all about d. From the time we got up we were focused on seeing her, and that focus got us through. We saw her in the afternoon with all the presents, went home, got a quick indian takeaway I had in the freezer then back to see her.

Staff were great, not too festive and very sensitive to how we would be feeling, and we had the visiting room that is like a living room.

There was this surreal moment me and d were at the table doing our nails, and my h and son were playing chess on the sofa. I looked over at them and thought how this wasn't too unlike other Christmas day evenings, then I saw the car park out the window, and remembered we were in hospital where my d lives now. But it made me realise Christmas isn't about presents, shopping, or even food, it really really is about the people you love.
15yr old d. June 2014 stomach pain. Medical investigations until Feb 2015, referred to CAMHs dx food anxiety. Kept restricting and losing weight until July 2015, medically unstable. Began intensive re-feeding at home. Re-evaluated by psychiatrist, dx Autism Spectrum Disorder and Atypical AN.
Found out it's actually Typical AN.
IP from Oct 15, ng tube Nov. Re-started eating food July 2016. Discharged from IP August 2016 97% weight for height.
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K63
Hi Morgana , thinking of you and your d hope ye doing ok . We are glad Christmas is over . Too much going on a lot of stress for everyone. Hope 2016 will be a better one for all here .
Daughter started restricting in February 2014, tried re feeding at home hospital admission 4 1/2 months weight restored started restricting post discharge, back on meal plan full supervision weight restored april 2016. Starting to hand back responsibility for meals it's scary. 
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