F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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yellowcaty
It is looking likely that my D won’t becoming home at all on Christmas Day. With Church, my husband at work in the morning and then visiting in the afternoon and evening, we won’t have time to have Christmas dinner. We will have the same problem on Boxing Day so will have to postpone until the Thursday. We have just told the other children and my other D is distraught. This illness has already taken so much away from them.

Does anyone have an ideas for how I can still make it special? We will probably only have about 2 hours in between visiting to eat. I could do a little bit of cooking in the afternoon.

I think I need some Christmas spirit!
Xx
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Enn
How about making a new tradition? Someone told me that she will be having comfort food for Christmas. Mac and cheese!
Some here are having picnics on the beach. How about a picnic in the living room. A tent outside. Order a lavish meal?
A friend of mine dressed up in Victorian costumes!
Games? We play hide and seek with toys or gifts and we would say “warmer or colder” when the kids were close or far from finding the gift. How about gag gifts?

I hope I understand your question and that it was not just about meals but having a nice festive time.
XXX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Torie
YC - I have always refused to cook much on Christmas.  (Always seemed too unfair to be stuck with that on top of everything else.)  So our tradition is beef fondue, a simple salad, and I heat up frozen garlic bread.  Dessert is also something very simple like Christmas cookies if any are around.  Not sure if something like that would work for your family.

I wonder if it might work to have CHristmas dinner in the 24th.  Please let us know what you end up doing.  \

Thinking of you. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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Pingu
We’re doing a Christmas Day buffet so a lot can be prepared in advance and it then takes the pressure off d and everyone else
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Mcmum
Oh, that's grim...a buffet of some really nice food that constitutes a treat would be good. Maybe start early on Christmas Eve with a cooked meal and crackers might be nice. Some videos of previous Christmas times or photos to have a collective laugh at old toddler pics with a favourite board game? ?? A family film with hot chocolate and marshmallows? ?? So as much as the day itself might be rather frustrating, have a bigger lead up???
Other kids choose something they'd love to do as a family? ???
Really hope that you can all get your heads around this and find some joy in between the dashing and visiting. xx
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HopeNZ
Oh yellowcaty, this is so hard on the family. I think it's really important that you and your other children have some FUN. If you expect to have two hours between other obligations and visiting your d, could you try to use that time to really focus on your other kids and having fun with them? That probably means not spending it in the kitchen cooking! Perhaps have your special Christmas meal on Christmas Eve when you do have time, and something simple which you can prepare beforehand on Christmas Day itself? I love the idea of starting new traditions - this worked really well for us. And I LOVE the idea of asking your kids what they'd like to do in that small window of time you have. Perhaps they could put ideas into a jar and you could draw them out one by one and you could dedicate an hour to crazy games?

Perhaps, as hard as it may be, the fun could continue when you visit your ed d? Could your other kids prepare charades or a quiz to do with her?

I think it's key that your non-ed children have their disappointment and frustration acknowledged, and that they have a say in what they'd like to happen, within the constraints of what's possible. Also remind them that next year will be so much better.
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Mamaroo
My hubby's family always did something on Christmas eve. You can have a nice dinner and even open up your gifts the day before. Another tradition we have is to drive around the neighbourhood and look at the Christmas lights, maybe you can incorporate that on Christmas day? I'm making a trifle this year. It can be made beforehand and taken out when needed.
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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ValentinaGermania
In Germany most people eat home made potatoe salad (cold) with saussages (hot) on Christmas eve. Maybe an idea to have a German Christmas this year?

Another idea is fondue or raclette if you have that items because you can prepare all in the morning (or even the day before) and have it done right at the table whenever you have time. It is great fun for the kids to make their own portions. We do that on New Years Eve every year because we do not like to cook that day...[wink]

Tina72
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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krae
Tina what is raclette, I'm intersted as I've never heard of It?
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ValentinaGermania
https://www.lecker.de/assets/styles/563x422/public/field/image/raclette-b.jpg?itok=Wbr1z7oP


You have kind of a grill and put little pans under it and cover vegetables and fruit or shrimps with cheese and have it melt. You eat french bread with that. Very popular in Germany.
If you do not have such a raclette grill it might be a good present as well because it could start a new meal tradition and it is a nice come-together because meals are longer and very communicative with that.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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smileymum

Sorry you will be rushing around yellowcaty. Far from ideal for any of you but I hope some of the suggestions here will help you experience joy and fun where you can.
Here are some easy ideas we've done in previous years as mine weren't really in to long board games but responded better to something easy and quick-fire semi-competitive games. E.g:

* Split family  into 2 teams. Who can make the longest paperchain in 2 minutes?

* Pictionary using online word generator to come up with the words: https://www.thegamegal.com/word-generator/

There are also word generator options for other games at the link above, like 'catchphrase' for example.
You could also use play-doh instead of drawing so one team has to make the item the word generator comes up with for the other 'team' to guess what it is

* Last year my ED d wrote Christmas song titles/carols on cards and we acted them out to each other  - like song

Just some quick and easy ideas. Best to you xxx

Smileymum
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bluerain
Lots of good suggestions - just wanted to add that whatever you eat, if you do it by candle light, with soft Christmas music and sparkling cider, will feel more special. We've had the occasional living room picnic by the fireplace/Christmas tree as well. 

This is a difficult time of year for me too.
I've been holding on to this written prayer for a year now, since before I even knew about our daughter's illness, and if I needed it last Christmas you can better believe I still need it now!  Passing it along in case it is helpful for anyone else:  A Prayer for the Broken-Hearted at Christmas...

http://sarahbessey.com/prayer-broken-hearted-christmas/
We can do hard things well...
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Enn
Bluerain,
I sincerely wish to thank you for this. With ED in the home, this acknowledges the heart ache we have all endured and the message of love and hope we hold onto. It is heartwarming.
Thank you again,
XXX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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yellowcaty
Thank you for all of your suggestions for food and activities. I have started to plan the day with my other 3 children. I’ve bought Logo board game for Christmas Eve and we are trying to find a good quiz. If anyone has one to share that will be great. They have decided on hot pork and stuffing rolls on Christmas Day. We just need to think of a special breakfast now and then I can plan Christmas Eve and Boxing Day.

My non ED daughter is still upset. I think it has all caught up with her now and she is angry and frustrated with ED. It has taken away so much from our family and it doesn’t ever seem to end. I know that she doesn’t really blame her sister, but she is really finding it difficult to express herself.

Bluerain - thank you for sharing the prayer. It gave me a lot of comfort and there are so many parts of it that I could relate to. I hope things get better for you soon and that you are given the strength to get through this festive time.

I think I am turning into Scrooge! I’m thoroughly fed up with everyone asking if I’m ready for Christmas. All I’m ready for is for the light to flicker a little more brightly in that tunnel. I said it last year but hopefully 2019 will be a better year.
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mjkz
What about spending Christmas day at home with the kids there and then celebrating Christmas on a different date with the daughter in the hospital?  They do things in the hospital to make Christmas special for the people there so why not make a different day her Christmas?  It might brighten an otherwise dull week.

My daughter spent many a Christmas inpatient and I spent actual Christmas day with my church and my family and then my daughter and I would celebrate "Christmas" at New Year's or just pick a day that we would make our Christmas.

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yellowcaty
Just a quick update. She is coming home for 3 hours on Christmas Day!!!!🎉😀 She will be eating all her meals at the hospital but at least she can open her presents at home.
I hope everyone has as good a Christmas as they can. I know ours won’t be what we used to have or what we ideally want but I’m going to do my best to make the most of it.
Xxxxxx
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ValentinaGermania
"I know ours won’t be what we used to have or what we ideally want but I’m going to do my best to make the most of it."

When I learned something with ED that was that when things are DIFFERENT than expected it does not mean they are WORSE.
I am sure you will have a different Christmas but also a good one. So great that she is allowed to come home!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Enn

yellowcaty,

that is wonderful! 
So happy for you!

XXX

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Enn

yellowcaty,
How did Christmas day go?

I hope it went well.
Thinking about you.
XXX

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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yellowcaty
Hi Scaredmom

It went much better than anticipated. As she had all her meals at the unit, we could relax during the 3 hours she was home and just enjoy being together. We didn’t have to worry about whether she was purging or if she refused to eat. We had taken her stocking on Christmas Eve and she had opened the presents with us and then we did the rest when she was home. In the evening we visited the unit and did a quiz together.

It wasn’t the kind of Christmas we had hoped for, but it was the best it could be and definitely better than last year when we were trying to get her to eat at home. Tomorrow I am cooking Christmas dinner for my husband and other children and we will enjoy all the usually traditions and celebrations. I’m trying not to feel guilty that she will be in hospital whilst we are all together and hoping that next year she will be with us.

Xx
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Enn
I think that sounds lovely, really. There was less stress as food was not the focus. It sounds as if you were relaxed too. I am glad it went well.
Please don’t be hard on yourself about having your other Christmas dinner. Enjoy it ,the other children need it. Your d is safe in many ways while in the unit. I hope that helps lift the guilt.You are allowed to enjoy all the good moments with her and without her. She likely treasured Christmas Day just the way it was as I know you do also.
Big hug.
XXX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Torie
Your d (your real  d) would not want you and her sibs to miss out on a nice Christmas meal.  I'm so glad you were able to have that precious 3 hours without having the stress of a meal.  Yay! 

Keep swimming. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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