F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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2018summer Show full post »
This is very exhausting. It sounds like your D's ED still has a lot of power over her. 

I am not sure that there is any evidence that behaviours necessarily get worse before they get better. What may happen is an increase in ED thoughts as they are challenged, but the only way for her to recover is to challenge those thoughts and behaviours and that includes eating foods and not spitting. Bulky foods like vegetables are more filling in the short term than her nut butters so her argument makes no sense this is her ED forcing her to do this pure and simple. 

What can you do to make sure she stick to the plan of eating all meals? Would you consider asking her to leave if she can't continue. Will she eat each meal with you for support? 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
Hi tina72/Foodsupport_AUS

Thanks for getting back to me so quickly.

To answer your questions my husband would never agree to me asking her to leave if she can't continue.  His answer to this is "we just need to love her" which I understand but I know there are strategies we need to follow.

I see that she takes her lunch with her during the day if she is going out and have no control over whether she spits or chews this but I don't see what she does at home as she is not working full time.  As I am at work (I really need the space).

She chose the ED counsellor herself and because of confidentiality I cannot enquire as to what goes on there.

So dinner is the only meal we are all home together. 

To answer Tina72's questions, our daughter has put on 10 kilos since finishing school last year.  She does eat what I cook at home for dinner.  I agree, she doesn't allow herself to enjoy tasty food and if I do baking I have to hide it in our bedroom as I just KNOW I will find some of it in the bin.  The same with peanut butter, kept in our bedroom.  Interesting that 50ml of water made your daughter "feel full" well of course this is a cover.

She has been asked by the counsellor to see a nutritionist which hasn't happened yet.  Something to address also.  However, she is going to Taiwan in a couple of weeks and won't be back until the end of January.

In the meantime I just want to "get a handle" on this and will also seek the support of the ED group I go to monthly who advised me to just not worry about the small dishes she was preparing her selection of foods in or the types of food, but to concentrate on the spitting and chewing. 

I don't mind at all the many questions asked.  Keep asking....

"She chose the ED counsellor herself and because of confidentiality I cannot enquire as to what goes on there."

That is only partly true. You can talk to the counsellor and tell him/her your thoughts and what is going on at home and he/she could listen. And if your d allows him/her to speak to you they can also share information. My d signed that papers as she knows that I can help her with this now.

"She has been asked by the counsellor to see a nutritionist which hasn't happened yet."

That might be a good thing but can also be a desaster. Depends on how good the nutritionist is knowing EDs and they can distroy much if they use the "wrong words"...sorry that I mixed something up in my post, I thought your d is AN and not BN, I have corrected it. Can you see the nutritionist first?

"However, she is going to Taiwan in a couple of weeks and won't be back until the end of January."

Who did allow that in that state? Are you paying for that? Will the insurance pay any emergency treatment there? I have an adult friend with AN that lives in another country at the moment and she is completely without insurance for AN treatment there because all these travel insurances do not pay for mental health diseases. I think it will be the same with bulemia. I would be very concerned about that and I would not allow my d to do something like that at the moment although I think she is in a much better state than yours...
Be aware that even patients with BN and not underweight can get in serious medical danger.

Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.