F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Erin_Guthrie06

My daughter was diagnosed with BED and eating disorders otherwise not specified. Her last appointment they told me she has lost too much weight and that her heart was showing some distress. She has weight she could lose as she was binging for so long but now she’s gone the other way. she refuses to eat at school as she fears judged, even though the school has given her a room to eat in. She also believes if she eats people can tell as she looks “bigger”... she now doesn’t have a choice of not eating at school it’s a must.... she’s refusing to do it. I was working part time to bring her home for lunches but I have to go back to work full time as we are two working income family. I worry about her constantly. And more so knowing her heart is in some distress. 

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Scaredmom2019
I'm so sorry. I would suggest having consequences for not eating. Such as no phone, internet and even no school if necessary. Would that force the eating issue? You are right that she must eat what you prepare. I'm so sorry, we all know that these ED's morph and change...so sorry 
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Foodsupport_AUS
Welcome to the forum. Sorry that you have had to find your way here. It sounds like your daughter may be becoming progressively more and more unwell. Without trying to alarm you, the risks of serious complications of weight loss are similar for those with OSFED as for those with anorexia nervosa, including the risk of hospitalisation and cardiac complications. This issue is the speed of weight loss not the actual number on the scale. 

I understand how hard this is for you financially, is there any other way you can make sure she is eating all meals at home and at school. She needs to be gaining weight to stabilise things, and almost certainly needs to be eating a lot more than she is. Is there a nurse or staff member to supervise. Could you use Skype or some other app to "sit" with her whilst she eats at school. If she is not eating at school, it is likely she is not safe to be there. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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Erin_Guthrie06

We have thought about FaceTiming during lunch... she’s digging her heals in this weekend about it. I think she’s scared which comes out as angry and the I don’t care attitude. We generally chat through lunch times, hoping that helps. 

I have thought of consequences of not eating. This week it will happen as she HAS to eat more than her 700-900cals. She doesn’t see the issue because she’s still larger than her friends. 

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Enn

Welcome from me as well!
I am concerned about the heart rate thing. Does she get regular medical assessments? What are the immediate plans if she does not gain in the next week or so? Would you consider keeping her home for a time to get the nutrition going? I understand about the working bit, but you may not need to stay home too long?   it could really kick start her eating better. 
You mention she is eating only 700-900 calories, is that per day? If so, that that needs to go up ASAP. 
They never do know that they had an issue, that is what is so hard. If they only could see how sick they are then, we all hope then they will eat!Many here have facetimed. 
We do have to get creative that is for sure when dealing with an ED. 
Please ask all the questions you have. We all wish to help in anyway you can.


When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Barberton
The concern about being judged and comparing oneself to someone else is frustrating when you the caregiver understand the urgency. My advice would be to not engage in those conversations as they won't go anywhere. Instead, muster all your compassion and say things like, "I know you are frightened" "I can see that this is really difficult for you" "I am here to help you and eating this lunch is what you need to do"

Can the school offer any support? Is there a teacher who wouldn't mind sitting with your d for some of her lunches? Would it help to give her high-calorie drinks at lunch so the calories go down faster?
D fell down the rabbit hole of AN at age 11 after difficulty swallowing followed by rapid weight loss. Progressing well through recovery, but still climbing our way out of the hole.
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ValentinaGermania
Ask the school for more support. Is there a nurse that could eat with her? If lunch at school is not working she needs to stay at home and cannot go to school.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Erin_Guthrie06

That’s a great way to respond to those fears... there are times I’m speechless with what she’s telling me, so I do say, I’m sorry that has to be hard feeling that way, I’m glad you’re sharing your thoughts with me. 

The school is amazing with her... I’m not sure where I would be without them. There is a teacher who does sit with her when she can and Taylor likes that.... her teacher asked during parent teacher interviews what she’s feeling sitting with her friends and not eating? He explained he hurts him watching. Her response was... I just tell my hunger to go away. 

Today will be the first day of all of this... I’m hoping it’s a smooth one. 

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Erin_Guthrie06
Thanks Enn, she is weekly right now with appointments. They haven’t said about the gaining weight. She’s dropped a lot of weight quickly is what I was told but she’s not considered anorexic because she isn’t below what she should be. The dietician was off on Friday and calling me today to tell me what I should be giving her. They want the calories doubled. If she isn’t responding to eating at school then I’m going to have to take a leave at work. 
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ValentinaGermania
You used a name in your post, maybe by incident. Please edit it by using the edit pecil (you find it under the 3 points right at the top of your post) for more privacy.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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PurpleRain
Hi, just wondering how are you guys doing.
13 yo d started to eat "healthy" September 2018, she had a growth spurt a bit later, followed by tummy bug. She started restricting breakfast and school lunch in January 2019 (that we know). We succesfully refed at home.
I have found inner strenght, patience and compassion that I did not know I had.
Never retreat, never surrender
keep feeding
 
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