F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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salmy
Hi all, our therapist has asked us to bring a meal to our session tomorrow. Sweets and breads and dressings are our D’s challenges right now. I’m looking for suggestions.... I’m thinking crockpot fettuccine Alfredo with salad and ranch dressing, bread with butter. When you’ve done this what kinds of meals have you brought? I understand that the purpose of this is for the therapist to guide us in our responses to D and how we encourage her to eat.
This promises to be a disaster!!! 🤪
D16 diagnosed AN October 2019 -25% of body weight, but still "healthy weight" per Dr.
Started FBT Dec 2019
July 2020 Fully WR + 10%
2 Months in to Phase 2
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Enn
I brought lasagne and pineapple and juice. It does not matter what you bring they are assessing how the meal goes and the interaction between the parties. I think it is quite artificial. Whatever you wish to take, take. That meal sounds delicious.!!
Firstly it is not in your home and your child may not act out in front of others where they might at home. (that was my d great in public but a lot of rage at home). We all feel a little stage fright so it is not a relaxed environment. 
I think a better way to do the family meal is to come to your own home and see how the feeding area is set up. Who else is there? and it give them insight into how the home is arranged when you discuss issues with them/
https://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/question-on-fbt-family-meal-9711004?pid=1303936063
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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ValentinaGermania
This is normal that FBT therapists ask you to do that and yes, they want to see what you do and how you react at meal times.
I think your suggestions are great. Take at least one thing with you that is a challenge as you might have the chance to introduce that with a witness and you can then say "oh, you ate that at the office last week so you can also eat it at home!". 😁
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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MKR
Hi @salmy,

Good to have the opportunity to do this and get some valuable tips. Great that you are bringing food from home (I was nipping out from work so cold food available only). Make the most of it. 

We did it twice - with private ED-therapist and (after a small relapse) with the team at the public clinic. 

I regret playing it too safe first time around. This is because I was embarrassed that someone will witness my child lash out etc. I still forgot that it was the ED, not the child.  I brought the favourite dessert carrot cake (with cream cheese icing of course!)

You will pick up tips from the "fly on the wall". Things that weren't obvious to us doing the work.  Like, what the family policy was about the last monthful (sit there or offer more as replacement) or how to deal with the verbal abuse (I was told I'd let the rant go for too long) etc.

Yes, make the most of it!
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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mnmomUSA
I still remember that first meal really well.  My husband made a pasta salad, with chunks of cheese, lots of dressing, olives, meats, etc.  And, we brought bread rolls with butter on them, and I made my flourless chocolate cake (nothing but butter, chocolate, eggs and sugar).  It went much better than I anticipated, although it was still super hard.
D, age 18, first diagnosed March 20, 2013, RAN, at age 13 Hospitalized 3 weeks for medical stability. FBT at home since.  UCSD Multi-family Intensive June 2015. We've arrived on the other side.  :-)  D at college and doing great!
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salmy
I am wondering if I should be bringing just one challenge food or several? It's been a rough few days... I'm admittedly not feeling terribly brave.
D16 diagnosed AN October 2019 -25% of body weight, but still "healthy weight" per Dr.
Started FBT Dec 2019
July 2020 Fully WR + 10%
2 Months in to Phase 2
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ValentinaGermania
I would do one. The rest things you think she can do. Chose something that would really make a difference for you to be able to add it to the meal plan. For example noodles if this is a fear food. Or chips.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Torie
Sorry it's been a rough few days.  It's okay if you don't feel brave, as long as you pretend to be brave.  I think we all learn to pretend to be braver than we feel.  xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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