Custom Search of F.E.A.S.T. and Forum Content:
F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum
Register Latest Topics
 
 
 


Reply
  Author   Comment  
tina72

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,534
Reply with quote  #1 
Hi all,
last week there was an interesting report on german television about carer burnout. It was mostly about people caring for their elder parents or grandparents, but the symptoms and the help is the same.

I did some research about it:
https://www.sane.org/the-sane-blog/caring-for-others/avoiding-carer-burnout
https://www.webmd.boots.com/caring/guide/carer-fatigue
http://insynccounselling.com.au/carer-fatigue/
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/caregiver-stress-and-burnout.htm

Hope that may help others to feel better and not so guilty because they are exhausted.
Try to get some help and care for yourself.

Tina72
tina72

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,534
Reply with quote  #2 
Für die deutschen Mitkämpfer:
Hier bei uns heisst es meistens Pflege-Burnout.
https://www.pharmazeutische-zeitung.de/index.php?id=38926
https://www.aerzteblatt.de/nachrichten/56974/Pflegende-Angehoerige-oft-im-Dauerstress
https://www.pflege-durch-angehoerige.de/2016/03/22/burnout-vermeiden-angehoerige-schuetzen/

Passt auf Euch auf!
Tina72
Mamaroo

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 650
Reply with quote  #3 
Thanks Tina, it helps to know we're not going crazy.
__________________
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9. Started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. She is back to her old happy self and can eat anything put in front of her. Now working on intuitive eating.
runmum

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 15
Reply with quote  #4 
This is me! D is so depressed at bedtime that I am scared to go to sleep. I just can't see a way to improve the situation...
tina72

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,534
Reply with quote  #5 
Hi runmum,
evenings are difficult, ED seems to be powerful then. My d had her worst times in the evening, too, I think that is typical. But it changed after WR. Now she is still quite affectionate in the evenings and doesn´t want to be alone in her room, but I can live with that.
What helps me in times when I have bad sleep (and sometimes I sleep bad even now without any actual cause) is to take a nap after lunch if possible. Housework can wait...[wink]
Or would it help you to sleep with her to be more calm and find better sleep? I think you do not dare to take meds to sleep because you may not hear her then...
Tina72
runmum

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 15
Reply with quote  #6 
Thanks Tina. Evenings were always difficult but d is now wr and eating is not an issue. However, her depression is a huge issue, and she talks of not wanting to live when she is in her bedroom about to get into bed. I daren't go to sleep, in case she gets up. Meds and sharps are locked up but I worry I have missed something. She is sad all the time but able to distract at other times of day. I work so a daytime nap isn't an option. I can't work out how to improve things. I have spoken many times to the professionals, only to be told it will go on a long time. I am seeing them again tomorrow so will reiterate the impact it has on us. Fingers crossed they are wrong about it going on for a long time...
mjkz

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,547
Reply with quote  #7 
Quote:
This is me! D is so depressed at bedtime that I am scared to go to sleep. I just can't see a way to improve the situation...


Runmum, have you talked to her about it?  My daughter would voice those same kinds of things and finally I sat her down and we had a serious discussion about:
1.  Was she telling me how sad she was or did she want me to do anything?
2.  Was she just telling me so I knew or was she going to act on those thoughts?
3.  If she was going to act on those thoughts, could she come and get me so I could help or phone her therapist, i.e. let someone know?

It really helped me be able to sleep.  We came up with a safety plan that she would tell me or speak to her therapist in person (and this was the key part-she had to speak to her in person so it couldn't be a voice mail message) if she was going to act on those thoughts.  I found lots of time she was just telling me how she felt, not that she was going to act on the thoughts.  Yes, it is scary but thoughts are just that as are emotions.  They don't have to equal action nor will they kill anyone.  Evenings were a bad time for us too so working out a safety plan along with helping her find things that could help her cope with that time were key in keeping her safe and both of us sane.
martican

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 184
Reply with quote  #8 
Hi runmom,

psychiatric unit helped my D to write down the plan for emotions like your d has. In addition to mjkz's questions, have your D have some mantras to read and some activities that can shift her thinking. E.g. my D's list is: do nothing (such as do not act on those thoughts), talk to someone, remind yourself "I have been better and this feeling will pass", my cat needs me, I can do my drawing .... so on. I can take photo for you if you'd like to get ideas. For each negative thought my d frequently has, they worked out an opposite thought/action. Maybe you or her T can work something out with her for her.  The papers are visible in my D's room, and it is a work in progress. She did end up twice at psych unit for attempted suicide but I was told this is the nature of depression. It ebbs and flows. As hard as it is to live with, the unpredictability, constant standby, I really don't know what would be a different solution. She has extended periods when she is productive, has a purpose, is balanced. And then boom - she doesn't want to live. I am extra vigilant on those days, constant supervision and I sleep badly then bc I find it hard to make the house 100% safe proof. One last thing, I let my D know that if she hurt herself I would be devastated, living dead, and even though days are hard now, it would be even harder. This way she feels some responsibility for me in a way, and can think twice.
martican

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 184
Reply with quote  #9 
Oh, and great articles - Tina! 😉 It is nice to get some validations of our mental and physical state. I sometimes wonder why the heck I am so tired, even with an occasional nap. And my headaches, too! 
Torie

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 5,232
Reply with quote  #10 
Runmom, would it be possible for you to sleep with her?  That was the only way I could sleep well during a similar time.  It is so exhausting to worry all day, and then at night ... well, let's just say you sure need your sleep.  There were also times when I slept in my d's doorway, which is not ideal, but still I felt much safer there than farther away.

Keep swimming.  xx

-Torie

__________________
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
runmum

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 15
Reply with quote  #11 
Thank you all for those replies. I am going to give them a try. And sorry, Tina, for hijacking the thread.
tina72

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,534
Reply with quote  #12 
Hi runmum,
you didn´t hijack my thread, I wrote it because I think we need to talk about that and to exchange experiences and give us advices what to do with these feelings.
So you used it as I hoped...[wink]
Can you ask the team for some calming meds for your d for the evenings so that she could sleep better?
We tried it with "Rescue night" from Bach flower, that are drops and it helped a bit to find sleep and it is not chemical. Maybe worth a try?
Tina72
toothfairy

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 2,462
Reply with quote  #13 
Thanks Tina, great links!
__________________
Food is the medicine. Recovery is possible.
mjkz

Avatar / Picture

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,547
Reply with quote  #14 
Awesome job as usual Tina!!!  Runmum these are all issues we all deal with at some time or another. You didn't hijack the thread.  Very pertinent and extremely important in your own self care!!!
hopenz

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 92
Reply with quote  #15 
Thank you for these excellent resources, Tina.  I am thankful every day to have found this forum [biggrin]
Mamaroo

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 650
Reply with quote  #16 
Hi runmum, my d used to have disturbed sleep and terrible nightmares. For a year we moved into the spare bedroom and I slept next to her. Is she on any anti-depressants? Might be worth looking into them as it helps them sleep. Otherwise you can try melatonin.

Sending you lots of hugs!!!!! 

__________________
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9. Started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. She is back to her old happy self and can eat anything put in front of her. Now working on intuitive eating.
tina72

Caregiver
Registered:
Posts: 1,534
Reply with quote  #17 
Quote:
Originally Posted by hopenz
Thank you for these excellent resources, Tina.  I am thankful every day to have found this forum [biggrin]


Me too, hopenz. Me, too. (I hope I can use these words and they are not completely occupied by the other campain [wink])
So glad to have you all around...
Tina72
Previous Topic | Next Topic
Print
Reply

Quick Navigation:

Easily create a Forum Website with Website Toolbox.

GREETINGS, F.E.A.S.T. Community! As of July 1, 2018 you can access this forum directly without logging in at the main site. If this is your first login since that date please reset your password by using the "lost password" option. We apologize for the inconvenience. We are preparing a new website and services for the parent community to be rolled out soon! If you have questions or concerns, or trouble resetting your password, please contact us at Admin@FEAST-ed.org

F.E.A.S.T. Families Empowered and Supporting Treatment of Eating Disorders
is a 501(c)3 charitable organization committed to maintaining the Around the Dinner Table forum as a FREE service for any caregiver of a loved-one with an eating disorder.

P.O. Box 1281 | Warrenton, VA 20188 USA

US +1 855-50-FEAST | Canada +1 647-247-1339 | Australia +61 731886675 | UK +443308280031 

This forum is sponsored by F.E.A.S.T., an organization of parents serving parents and caregivers of patients of all ages with anorexia, bulimia, and other eating disorders. Information and advice given on this forum does not necessarily represent the policy or opinion of F.E.A.S.T. or its volunteers and is meant to support, not replace, professional consultation.

F.E.A.S.T. is registered as a nonprofit organization under section 501(c)(3) of the United States Internal Revenue Code.

Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Community Rules | | F.E.A.S.T. Principles | YMadmin | WTadmin
Custom Search of F.E.A.S.T. and Forum Content: