F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Ellesmum Show full post »
Hibiscus
Thought I would join in the how r things going today conversation. My D ( toddler) missed sport training today as wouldn’t drink a cup of water!! My fault apparently. Eye roll 🙄 . And it’s definitely the thighs!
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Ellesmum
Yes, we have to learn to detach a little and enjoy the calm for however long it lasts. It's a skill I reckon to be able to live in the moment. It's time for a snack now, I wish I could stick her in a highchair and feed her like a baby - with tellytubbies on to distract [biggrin] 

It is getting hotter and hotter, I'm going to try to get an ice-cream into her after her snack. A film tonight and I'll put out a picnic dinner and hope she'll mindlessly eat (some chance!) 
Ellesmum
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MamaDo
Also checking in - you guys are on a different timeline than I am, so how’s the day been?

I am still waiting for ED d to wake up. We had an ok day yesterday, with little fighting (but also less food intake). Ronson, you are so strong to be able to withstand the constant refusal. I was exhausted after fighting for 2 days that I didn’t push as hard yesterday, and while she ate, it wasn’t enough. Today will be better.

It is completely illogical how they think everyone is looking at them, making them nervous, and no one actually is until the paranoid behaviour calls attention to them. She sees groups of girls talking to each other in the store, and assumes they are talking about her, and her thighs.

We had our orientation to the ED program this week, and the takeaway that my ED d had was that she didn’t need help, didn’t belong there, because she had the biggest thighs in the room - which was full of girls with eating disorders. (and was both not true, and not relevant to her needing help).

Just when I thought (like an idiot) that maybe we could see the light on this thing.

Keep up the good work, friends!

You are amazing, and the reason I can do this, and not go completely off the rails, is that while we are doing it by ourselves, your stories remind me that we are not alone. I am so very grateful to have these forums.

Xoxo


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debra18
Ronson, take it one day at a time and look at the progress you made. Don't think about how far you have to go.
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Ellesmum
Hi, how are you all today?
She's still asleep and last night was pretty good, we enjoyed the film and she ate flavoured popcorn, yoghurt, nooodles but then came 11pm and so did the tears and ranting. I made her eat 2 bowls of cereal and she fell asleep.

I remember when bed was something to look forward to, now I get so nervous as it's the time she kicks off.
Ellesmum
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Warrior1
Hi Ronson,

Eva Musby mentions in her book something about removing old clothes that they have grown out or will soon grow out of as an item of too small clothing can trigger anxiety. I have done this since my D got upset over a small pair of PJ’s lurking in the back of the drawer. As my D is nearly 10 we got rid of a lot of her age 9 clothes and went shopping for some new things where I emphasised that this is what she needs as she is still growing etc etc. They are all a little to big but there has been no anxiety around clothing although she would favour the baggier stuff anyway. I hope by the time these clothes are getting to small her mindset will have changed and her brain healed so clothing will no longer be a problem. Xxx
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Mamaroo
Yes, clothes are known to disappear around here 😉. When I bought new clothes for my d, I would go to the store the next day and buy the size up. I would remove the label of the clothing and when I see the item geting too small I would exchange it with the larger size one during washing. It's called Magic laundry. Now she is able to shop without worrying about sizes.
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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MamaDo
Hi all,

Just checking in, to see how you are holding up. 11pm does seem to be a weird time for us too; she gets really wired or snuggly and attachment oriented. And I am a bad mom, because by that time, I just want some sleep.

Time to go have breakfast. Good luck everyone with the rest of your day!

Xoxo
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Ellesmum
We've been shopping and had a MacDonalad's lunch, she had a few chicken nuggets and an ice-cream then we bought some chocolate Brioche for breakfasts. I managed to hurt myself walking (don't ask!) and needed painkillers and was told 'stop going on about that and focus on me' it's such a selfish disease isn't it? No empathy for anyone else, she won't even look after her pets. So I have to suck up my own feelings and crack on looking after her, again it's like when you have flu when they're babies - you just have to keep on keeping on. 

I'm afraid I need more painkillers and strong drink to get through the evening! Not ideal I suppose.
Ellesmum
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Vlhatcher
Ellesmum wrote:
I just can't do this today, I'm ill, exhausted, shaking and so, so low.

We have had progress and it's been a positive few days but today, no. The mood here is horrendous, she's screeching at me, I can't say anything right, every glance, every word is take the wrong way. This child who I have loved and supported on this lonely journey thinks I hate her because she's worthless and my rational mind knows this is the ED, I know it but today I am at breaking point. 

I needed to get this off my chest with people who understand. It will pass and I'll come back fighting but today I have no fight in me.

The irony that I can't eat for worry - jeez.

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teecee
It is so, so important to do self care. Is there any way you can take a bath alone and have some ‘me time’....or anything similar??
You are right this will pass. Remember you’re doing so fantastically well amazing mum. You’re flipping saving lives here. It’s ok to feel like this but IT WILL PASS.
A couple of positives quotes for you as we all love positivity don’t we :)

“Every storm runs out of rain, where you are at the moment is a season, not a life sentence”

“Meet today’s problems with today’s strength. Don’t start tackling tomorrow’s problems until tomorrow...you don’t have tomorrow’s strength yet”

Many big virtual hugs to you. Keep fighting for her. Xxxx
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Ellesmum
Bed now and all is calm fingers crossed.
I'll update in the morning and say 'hi, how are you?' It's a question I know a lot of us don't hear too often in real life and it's important 🌹
Ellesmum
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Vlhatcher
Hi not sure where to begin. My daughter was diagnosed with anorexia in April this year. She is thirteen. Having a really terrible time with her. Was really bad and kicked off on Wednesday night. So bad someone called the police. So frightened she is going to hurt herself. We are getting help from the EDS. They have been really good. It’s all family therapy based. The Maudsley approach. I know it’s early days but it’s so hard. It’s like she’s been possessed. She’s gain a little weight. But it’s the food part. Everything has to be weighed and doubled checked. We have a meal plan. But we need to start to introduce different foods which she is putting up a fight. Need to get more calories in her. Her heart rate was so low. She hasn’t had a period for 6 months and had to give all her sport and exercise up as she was so dangerously under weight. Just needed to share with any others mums who understand xxxx
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kt_uk
Well we need a refuge it’s like dealing with domestic violence for years on end I feel I can’t cope either
There should be therapeutic free holidays for us mums. I’m in bed in tears facing the abrupt end of a 25 year relationship with her dad
My mums dying my d hates me mostly and I have very little self worth left at all
So let’s sing hooray for ED and hope we can all get some sort of break through soon this is more than I ever imagined parenting in my wildest dreams
X
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teecee
Weighing and double checking is an ED behaviour. Do you have help from a dietician who can teach you about portion sizes? We never weighed or measured anything...actively avoided it ...even on drinks bottles.
A lot of our kids have similar issues it’s such a vile disease but recovery is possible.
Stick to the meal plan - regular meals. Food is medicine.
Have you seen Eva MUSBY’s resources? They were a life saver for us.
Virtual hugs. Xx
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teecee
Kt_uk I do hope you get s break soon. I’m living in a bit of a surreal world st the moment which sounds similar to yours. My previously 24 yr rock solid marriage is having a severe land slide, my dad is receiving cancer treatment after a recent diagnosis and our friend is seriously ill in hospital. At what point is life going to give us all a break I often ask!
But it will.
Hugs. Xx
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Hibiscus
Sounds like we r all going through a really rough time at moment. I don’t have any words of wisdom just need to offload my own distress.
So yesterday D refused to play sport ( even though team was down in players) and in a bad parenting moment I said to think about someone else for a change. Got hit a few times for my ‘ words of wisdom’ and they didn’t help( I guess it came out cos I do actually think this) . She cold shouldered me for rest of day. This morning cold again. Caught her stashed piece of bread from breakfast up sleeve of jumper. Major confrontation ensued. She ate it then I checked mouth and made her swallow food held in there. Up and down stairs in and out of rooms swearing etc. she says She hates me more than anorexia and hasn’t forgiven me for what I said yesterday ( as above) as how could I say that to someone who already hates themselves. Major guilt.
I middle of all this Hubby uselessly says leave her be( I didn’t feel that not following up food issue was ok) and then he says ‘ every weekend! ‘ in exasperation as if this is my fault! So am angry with him for ongoing lack Of support cos this is every bloody day and largely left to me so he can be the good guy. ( to be fair he works and I can’t at moment so add the financial stress that lots of us have atm)
Don’t know how to retrieve this. This is D as well as ED hating me now. We used to be so close. I really messed up. I guess I just prepare the next meal. There feels like no end and I know there’s no help.
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Hibiscus
OMG D just came and found me ( crying in hiding) and apologised, kisses and cuddles. Agreed we may go for walk later. I apologised too and explained am trying to do right thing but sometimes I just get it wrong. Pounding heart has eased a little.
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MamaDo
Hooray! A ray of hope and sunshine! We are all human and we are not going to say the exact right thing all of the time, and if ED wasn’t living in our house, we’d still have moody teenagers with huge changing feelings, where it’s sometimes impossible to say the right thing. Congrats, Hibiscus, so happy you had a small moment of empathy from your d!
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Mamaroo
Hi Hibiscus, that is a real gold star moment! That proofs it's ED doing/ saying all the hating.
KT_uk, I like your idea of a free therapeutic holiday for us, we really need and deserve it!

To all of you, stand strong, hang in there. One of the forum members' signature is "tough times don't last, though people do". I repeat that often to myself.

Sending all you brave people lots of hugs 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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Ronson
Hi ellesmum - how are you today ? Xx
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Ellesmum
Hi Ronson,
I was just coming on to ask the same. We had a good sleep but she got up angry. She's calm now she's had breakfast.
Raining here so we plan a day of films and pampering. Let's hope it goes to plan.

How's your day looking so far? Sleep ok?
Ellesmum
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kkhrd
Ronson, I think that I would say something about the waffle, you cannot have E.D. thinking that it won. It’s so sad that this disease makes us fearful of our own children, of how they will respond to confrontation. My own anxiety has been at its worst when things are good for a time and I catch D doing something so un D like. Like spitting food in napkins, or blotting butter off of waffles when I turn my back, but we have to let E.D. know that it isn’t getting away with anything, because that will just strengthen it.

All out war over here the last couple of days. D refused her morning shake and subsequently any food all day on Friday and we had to leave the beach and admit her the the ER on Friday night. We nearly signed papers for IP that evening but yesterday was her 16 th birthday so while it may not have been the best decision, after some food and ensure, we took her home where she ate blueberry pancakes at the all nite diner at 11pm. I wish to say the next morning was better, but while she didn’t refuse her shake, she did have a tantrum over not being allowed to return to the beach on her birthday. She completely trashed her room and ran out of the house. When she returned we were all dressed and ready to go back to the hospital. Only then was she completely compliant promising the world!!. We did consequently have one of the best days on record following all the mayhem, but what a roller coaster ride for sure!! She ate everything put in front of her, and we went out to lunch and dinner which we haven’t been able to do as a family in 5 months. The negotiating hasn’t completely ceased but she knows that we are serious. I just pray that this change lasts. I never know with E.D. if I am reaching my daughter.

If it feels like all the crazy has gotten crazier over the past few days, I will mention that mercury is in retrograde, which I know might make me sound kooky, but we are all effected by the planets, and this is one of the most turbulent times for emotional distress! Not to mention strange mishaps involving weather, traffic and electronical failures etc.

Keep your heads up and I will try to do the same! xoxo
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kkhrd
Oh yes Ronson I do see the dilemma there, not wanting her to know that you have eyes watching, but that may just help her to remember that she cannot get anything past you and make it easier to eat when she isn’t in your presence.

Thank you for the birthday wishes, it has been a difficult birthday because of all the hype surrounding sweet 16. Her party was cancelled and then her beach weekend was also cancelled, but she was saddened by it and said to me that she felt awful that she keeps ruining things for herself. I think the self reflection and the apology are good signs and show her that E.D. does nothing good for her, only ruins things. We promised a big birthday party when she is well enough to enjoy it. Hopefully 17 will be the best reason to celebrate!
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Hibiscus
Thanks for your kind words .Mamado, Mamaroo and Ronson
Ronson, hope you enjoyed your night off while D at sleepover, although it does make for wondering/ worrying times but best sometimes to try to let it go.
I understand the worry about letting your daughter know that the Mum reported back, I personally would let it go for the reason you described. It wasn’t your meal.
Hey kkhrd hang in there. Isn’t it strange how when we get serious about hospital, suddenly they start to comply. How lovely that you got to go out for meals despite the bedroom trashing. So when do these planets change... we r all exhausted!!
Off to bed hope you all have a reasonable day
🤗
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