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Ellesmum Show full post »
kazi67
Oh Tina
Thanks from me too for all your support ❤️
Sorry if I misinterpreted anything you said to me or I have said anything to upset you if so  it was unintentional 

its been a hell of a roller coaster for us and we all just try to express our experience with the intention to help others and sorry if my msgs were any way misinterpreted by you

It’s such a tricky complicated complex illness and wether we are refeeding on our own or with professional guidance,FBT, or IP or kid is YA and no longer included in treatment but supporting our kid 150 percent

“it’s a HELLISH journey for us all!!
one foot I front of the other one day at a time

i think that’s the msg we will all agree on 100 percent 
x


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ValentinaGermania
kazi67 wrote:

Sorry if I misinterpreted anything you said to me or I have said anything to upset you if so  it was unintentional


Kazi67, it is not at all your fault and you did not say anything wrong at all. My heart goes out to all those still in the bad days and I know that you sometimes do see things different and I can totally live with someone having a different opinion. I am a person who it is very hard to get into an argue.
Please believe that you did not say anything that made me upset. It is not because of you, not at all. Sometimes it is a drop that brings the barrel to overfloaw. It is a long history with some posts I do not want to support here on ATDT. But not yours.



We cannot fix it all with food, you are correct with that, but we also cannot fix it all with love. And if we say this is a place to vent here we must accept that people come to rant. And if people want more communication here in this thread this must be o.k. and they should not be critized for that. Some of us are really isolated in real life. And it must be o.k. to say "I am at my end and do not know how to continue to love that kid and I cannot accept her behaviour" without telling them just "you need to seperate ED and child and you need to show love and compassion". Mine did not allow me to show love and compassion (although I did) but she allowed me to be "general food" and be in charge.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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kazi67
I’m confused but I think you are referring to my post about separating the ED by writing it down? 
This was suggested to me by my therapist who said it may help me  and I simply shared that idea, as we know, what works for one may not work for another 
nothing is guaranteed but just thought I’d share incase it did in fact help (no harm in trying)
i definately know what it feels like to feel alone with this illness as my d team keeps me out of treatment (my d choice) so I guess that’s the reason I come to the forum to get ideas or share what has worked in our case 
You can take it or leave it
my d also sometimes couldn’t show love and compassion (I’m pretty sure it was the ED stopping her) as she was always a loving child/YA before becoming ill 
by writing it down and seeing the written print made me see it was the ED not her
anyway I think I’m repeating myself now

keep feeding everyone!!
Food is the medicine 
❤️



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ValentinaGermania
Now I am confused, kazi 🙂
NO, I did not refer to any post of you.
It was just a general explaination of what I am a bit sick of at the moment.
It has really nothing to do with you. Really. 😍

It was my fault, I should have posted this part in another post and not as reply to yours. I tried to make that clear with a bigger gap in between now,
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Ellesmum
Lots of confusion I see 😀 

If you do take a break Tina, I’d like to keep in touch if that’s okay ? 

Its been a good weekend, the local event went better than I could have hoped, so different from last year. She’s been so busy so I’m expecting a very tired girl later but it’s such a relief to see her in the thick of things again. 
Ellesmum
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ValentinaGermania
Ellesmum wrote:
Lots of confusion I see 😀 

If you do take a break Tina, I’d like to keep in touch if that’s okay ? 

Its been a good weekend, the local event went better than I could have hoped, so different from last year. She’s been so busy so I’m expecting a very tired girl later but it’s such a relief to see her in the thick of things again. 


So great that you had a good time there. You can contact me privatly, if you want, I would really appreciate to keep in touch with you all. My email postbox waits for you.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Ellesmum
She’s very tired now after a full and fun weekend but I’m so glad it went well and there’s even a potential romance.

How is your d? Did she come home over the weekend?
Ellesmum
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kkhrd
Jojo what a beautiful and honest moment with your daughter, and no ED in sight!  That is a fantastic gold star.  You will have more of those!❤️

Ellesmum, so happy the town event went well, and teen romance is always so sweet!  Love that she is enjoying the normal stuff!!

Things are good here too, D applied and got accepted for a summer job that she is excited about...  ironically working in a bakery😂 she has final exams this week and is a bit stressed out, but summer vacation is just 4 days away for her.  She also has a few admirers which she isn’t interested in, but a nice confidence booster for sure.  D continues to look skinny to me and has my anxiety peaked, but we have a weigh in on Wednesday so fingers crossed she’s just grown a bit. 
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ValentinaGermania
Jojo2271 wrote:

And five minutes from IP unit she suddenly said 'I am sorry I am not doing better at home mummy'
Cue tears from me and as calmly as I could manage I stressed that I was so proud of her, loved her and that I felt she was doing brilliantly at home. 
Managed to get in how much we all love her, how we are never giving up, that I don't care if I spend months or years coaching her through meals, because I am not letting anorexia steal her amazing life... 

While heart wrenching she feels she is failing it was a major moment for her, as she has mostly refused to discuss her feelings , refuses to ask for help, say she is struggling etc. 
A gold star 🌟 in a wierd way moment 


Jojo, that is really a gold star moment, I´m glad that I just popped in or I would have missed that. Definitivly progress. And you got the food in!!!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Ellesmum
Yes it is great jojjo, brilliant. 
Good to hear from you kkhrd, glad things are going well.

So,  I realised this thread has been running almost a year and through it I’ve received some fantastic help and support and made what feels like real friendships. We’ve celebrated, commiserated, swapped ideas, moaned and cheered.   

Ive recently become more involved in social media support groups and I help moderate one, I’ve been asked to get involved in a few things which I want to explore further.  I think I’m also going to take a bit of a break from the forum for a while, I am very happy to be contacted by email by anyone l  I did send you a message Jojo, I’m not sure if you got it, and you Krae my Aussie twin.

I will also continue to keep an eye out for any struggling parent and send them here. . 

Thank you sincerely xxx 
Ellesmum
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Ellesmum
I wanted to post an update a year on from when I began this thread. I feel unsettled today because I remember last year so well, the last day of term which is normally a day of excitement knowing the long summer break is ahead but instead d was crying on the sofa, the curtains closed and me at my wits end. I wrote this: 

school is out and I know her classmates are out celebrating in high spirits and my girl is not invited, it just breaks my heart. 

Does this illness leave a carer/parent more compassionate or hard faced do you think? I I'm kind of running out of patience for the unkind people.  

Today she is at a 'healthy' weight but I feel needs a bit more, this past year together we've eaten more ice cream, burgers, crisps and chocolate than I can begin to tell, her friends are back and she socialises. She's in school today for the last day of term and there are plans with friends for over the weekend. Her phone rings all the time, this time last year  my heart would leap if it rang, hoping so much it would be an invitation but it never was.  There are people I now know I can't rely on at all and people I know for sure I can - with time and perspective I see that many people have their own stuff to deal with and some of the 'silly/unhelpful' things said are things I may well have said myself before AN came calling.  

I never wanted to enter this world of ED of course but there are positives to come out of it, I have almost endless patience (although of course I crack sometimes) I have come across astonishing people I would never otherwise have done, I have people on my social media now I've never met but have more in common with than most on my timeline, I've had transatlantic phone calls with strangers lasting for hours and we talked because it helped us both, I exchange emails with people who now feel like friends although we've never met and likely never will and help moderate a group online full of parents just like us and when something I suggests helps I'm delighted.  I've given feedback to 'experts' I hope will help to form new ideas for future parents and patients.

The road to recovery started right here, one year ago -- thank you, sincerely xxx




 
 
Ellesmum
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ValentinaGermania
It is so great to see where you have started a year ago and what a warrior you are today, Ellesmum.
When new parents here ask me what thread to read first on ATDT I normally send them to yours to make them see that we all felt helpless and exhausted at the start and what that could lead to when we learn to fight.

You are a great role model to all in the dark days and definitivly earn the "warrior of the year" award!
I am glad to be able to call you my friend today and so thankful that this damn disease has brought us all together! So at least there was something positive in having ED in the house - I have some wonderful friends now! 😍

Thank you for being there.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Ellesmum
Thank you Tina, I remember so well when you first gave me advice I thought ‘but I can’t do this, I’m not strong enough’. 

It’s been a hell of a year but you’re right, I’m thankful to have ‘met’ you too,  I wrote a long post on social media earlier saying that the positive part of this is having got to know so many awesome people. 

I never want to relive last summer but the mind does filter out the bad bits and I remember some sunny days too.  

D sings every day now,  makes plans, she still feels low often, we still have bad days but far fewer, life feels something approaching normal. When AN starts roaring I have plenty of ammunition now.  

Onwards! 
Ellesmum
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