F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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SeaLion
Hello,

We have a daughter in college who is not in solid recovery.  This is Rather a stressful time for her Dad and me, and for her, of course, though she links none of her problems to meal-skipping or restricting food.  At a recent appt., her usually-good psychiatrist regrettably said something about D's "BMI being at a healthy level."  When, what has actually happened, why we are concerned, is that my D has lost a significant amt. of weight since starting school in late August.  We are concerned, and are increasing our support. 

My daughter heard this BMI comment (Basically Meaningless Information, since she seldom had low BMI, just LOW FOR HER growth curve...) as a green light, I fear.  The doctor also encouraged her to spend entire weekends at school, the exact opposite of what my H and I are seeing to be helpful to interrupt the weight loss... We've had her home for a night or two, many weekends, and we have in mind to do all meals and snacks at home if weight loss continues...  Our D knows this, but exaggerated to the Doc that she's "spent every weekend at home," as if her trouble with regular eating is (you guessed it) ALL DUE TO OVERPARENTING. 

She's suddenly interested to see the stats on when she first came into ED treatment (not very good treatment, sadly), back in 2014.  As if to prove that there never was an ED. 

I think it would be helpful to share with the doctor the videos I came across here?  They portray a doctor and a patient at a regular check-up.  A skit is shown two ways, first with a well-intentioned but non-ED-literate doctor saying things that accidentally encourage ED.  Second, a more neutral response and careful follow-up to any red flags. 

Thank you for your help, I thought these were on the NEDA website but I couldn't find them there. 
Older and Wiser
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Foodsupport_AUS
Doesn't it do your head in when you hear this is happening? 

As for the videos I don't recall having seen them, and have been around a few years. can you recall if these videos had real people or cartoon characters such as the Xtranormal videos which may help us narrow it down.
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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SeaLion
Hi, FoodSupport and ToothFairy, Thank you so much for your replies! 

The brief videos I'm remembering that would be so excellent to share with the doctor involved actors, not cartoons.  I checked the AED and Emily Program websites, also NEDA again, and I just can't track them down.  The videos ToothFairy shared are all great, too.  Like magic from a T.F. wand, they just appeared when I checked back here!  😉 Let's hope this doc has patience for the robot-like voices, ha ha.

It really does throw me for a loop (of depressed mood, and looking backward at past invalidating moments and eras) when any health care provider kicks a leg out from under the table of my daughter's recovery... Truly, casting any doubt on what her dad and I are up to is counter-productive, even damaging.  We have excellent and evidence-based reasons for all of the odd-seeming parenting practices we need to use.  Trust is key with our D.  I've been showing ED the door, over and over, day by day, for 4 years... I walk a fine line of remaining connected and letting her lean on me about non-food subjects, in order to be there and be helpful whenever I can, about her overall health and the all-important intake.  She had a two week period in which weight stabilized.  I'll do whatever I can to keep that going in a good direction. 

I do need to speak with this doctor, but I've been intimidated by the necessity of going through a receptionist and then a nurse, just to lob my message (complaint)... It's hard, when I feel so shaky, but at least I have a question to ask, along with my complaints/requests, for more neutral language and a clearer response to the weight loss...

Meanwhile I'm trying to find my D a new therapist and dietitian. 

It's a lot to think about.  I think I'll go carve a pumpkin. 
For those who celebrate it, Happy Halloween!
Older and Wiser
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SeaLion
ToothFairy, I asked my husband to carve the pumpkin, so I could watch all of the videos you shared.  I feel less shaky.  Thank you. 

One link wouldn't work... I'll let you know which one that was.

Hugs!
Older and Wiser
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SeaLion


ToothFairy, fyi this is the article whose link didn't work.
Older and Wiser
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ValentinaGermania
SeaLion wrote:
Hello,
At a recent appt., her usually-good psychiatrist regrettably said something about D's "BMI being at a healthy level."  When, what has actually happened, why we are concerned, is that my D has lost a significant amt. of weight since starting school in late August.
My daughter heard this BMI comment (Basically Meaningless Information, since she seldom had low BMI, just LOW FOR HER growth curve...) as a green light, I fear.  The doctor also encouraged her to spend entire weekends at school, the exact opposite of what my H and I are seeing to be helpful to interrupt the weight loss... We've had her home for a night or two, many weekends, and we have in mind to do all meals and snacks at home if weight loss continues...  Our D knows this, but exaggerated to the Doc that she's "spent every weekend at home," as if her trouble with regular eating is (you guessed it) ALL DUE TO OVERPARENTING. 


I feel so with you, SeaLion, but I think it is lost time to show the doc those videos. They will never get it. I gave that up.

Our GP (who is normally a good one) recently asked me (when I announced d will only come for 3months weighings now and not monthly any more) "when do you think you will give her a longer leash? Be careful that you do not play the judge and control too much". ???
I do not want to lose that GP again and tried to stay calm and tell him (the 3rd time?) what FBT is about and that relapse prevention works with a safety net and a contract etc. But I am so sick of it.

I want ALL GPs around there in the world to stop judging parents for helping their kids safe their lives with FBT and only do what they are paid for: weighing, blood, heart check. Nothing else.
They should tell you the numbers and not comment anything about it.

Tina72
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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