F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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Elibean1
I’d love some advice. 

D12 diagnosed ARFID last November, possibly morphing into AN (she had some body image stuff) dropped off her weight curve when she started secondary school - too anxious to eat at school, started feeling sick etc.

5 months of ED services, a version of FBT and weekly CBT later, she’s WR+ (gone up to 55th centile from pre-ED 25th centile) and has been much happier over the holidays.

back to school today, she’s eaten but is very upset and feeling bad about herself. Says she’s ‘fat, disgusting’ and ‘everyone else my age is skinny’. Sobbed herself to sleep. All made worse by thought of having to wear short gym skirt for first return to PE tomorrow (she’s scared of exercise, throat trauma in past, so hasn’t done any at all for over a year). 

Her big sister, no ED, told me it’s true that compared to all her friends M is ‘chubby’. She wasn’t being mean, just matter of fact...she did also say that at that age she had thought she was fat too but ‘everyone hates the way they look in Year 7’.

I still think some of M’s distress is her ED - even if some is also insecure 12 year old wanting to be the same as her friends. 

It’s true that she’s ‘slightly chubby’ compared to her friends, but if that’s what she needs - who cares if it’s going to help her be healthier. But how do I help her with the self-hatred? I’m scared the self consciousness of school will tip her into a worse place mentally - bad enough for non ED kids at this age 🙁( 
Elibean
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debra18
If the gym class is causing her stress is there a way for her to skip it? It seems early on for her to have to deal with extra unnecessary stress.
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Elibean1
Thank you Debra, I think my husband and I just came to the same conclusion - priority (now that food, top of top priorities, is going well) is school attendance not tackling sports fears. Or sports uniform fears, either. 

I think I’ll renegotiate with school x
Elibean
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debra18
Good idea.
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tina72
My d did not went to PE for 6 months. She had an extra work to do so she could get a PE grade though (some theoretical things). She had to join the lessons but could sit aside and did not need to wear these clothes. I would quit PE for a while.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Elibean1
She’s never really done PE since moving to the new school - too phobic about exercise, then with her ED we thought better not anyway (she was relieved). 

But you're both absolutely right - it’s too much too soon, don’t know what I was thinking!  

Shes up and getting ready for school, she likes the new plan 🙂

Ive also ordered the next size up of kit for later on..

thank you xxx
Elibean
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krae
Elibean1 my d has never been very good at PE due to hypermobile ankles which we only discovered she had 4 yrs ago. I do believe that the stress of having to do PE when they're not comfortable, being the uniform, the way they feel about their body, their own anxiety about doing exercise in front of peers should be enough to get them a reprieve from having to do PE forever, or until they feel comfortable about wanting to do PE if ever!

My d doesn't do PE but has discovered ice skating. It suits her perfectly. She can be autonomous or have her friends come along for the evening.
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