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Frazzled Show full post »
Frazzled
Thanks workingthrough, she may be growing again because when I think about it it seems to be a trend with her being really cranky/moody around the time she grows. She isn’t restricting anywhere although lately she tries sometimes and I am able to catch and correct. Things were slightly better today but she just got braces put on today so I’m expecting some other challenges 😭 It’s one thing after another. Thanks for your support ❤️
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sk8r31
Hang in there frazzled!  The braces may bring added challenges, but smoothies and milkshakes can help tremendously!  I love the Chinese saying, 'a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step', and find it helpful when I'm feeling overwhelmed.  You and your d will get through these difficult times a step at a time.  Lean on us here at ATDT for moral support when you need it.  We understand the challenging times and support you 100%.

Warmly,
sk8r31
It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
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debra18
My daughter got braces early on during refeeding . I utilized the smoothies, shakes and ice cream. There are some fear foods she won't conquer until the braces come off.
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EASL
You’re doing great!! Braces offer the best excuse ever for mashed potatoes (with butter and cream of course!), milkshakes, gravies and sauces.

Seems to me the caterpillar into a butterfly metaphor is in full effect at your house. When she’s open I remind my daughter that everyday we all are walking towards a different us - some have a longer journey because they are just starting (kids/teens) - imagine how special and unique your D will be a year from now. 

Keep going. You can do this!!
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Frazzled
Thanks ladies! Still have crying daily because of poor body image but we are making it through. Her teeth are very sore from the braces. She has been having smoothies, milkshakes, soups, noodles and Mac n cheese so things are working out well so far. Although, I don’t like that she will have to eliminate some foods that she has been eating because of the braces, example being hard tacos, but we will manage. 
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scaredmom
 Have you given some pain meds to her so that she feels better and as I recall from my own braces adventures, it took about two days and all was fine after that and could eat well. 
Good about the high calorie foods!! Can she do soft tacos, burritos?
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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debra18
My daughter has braces and is able to eat hard tacos and pizza crust without problem. The things she cannot eat are nuts (I crush them in smoothies and muffins), gum, and chewy candies. It did take my daughter about a week to eat normal food after getting them on and everytime when she gets her braces tightened takes two days to adjust. But I do keep to her schedule of eating just adjust the foods for a short time. 
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EASL
Avoiding hard tacos might be a ‘win’. Buy flour tortillas and warm them by frying in a hot pan w oil!!!
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Frazzled
Scaredmom, I have been giving her Tylenol but she said it isn’t working that well. Maybe I will try Advil or excedrin next. Will have to switch to soft tacos or burritos if she can’t have the hard ones anymore I guess. Although, I can’t see the hard tacos breaking her braces. Understandable why one wouldn’t be able to have corn on the cob or an apple anymore but some of the things on the list are silly. It’s a big list of things to avoid. Debra18, good to know that your daughter can eat crunchy things and pizza crust. I might burn the list that they just gave us and make my own 🔥 EASL, very good idea with the soft tacos. That would make them crispy like she likes also. 
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debra18
It will take a week or two to eat normal foods. Especially in ED kids that are more sensitive. Apples and most fruits do have to be cut.
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Frazzled
Debra18, Thanks for the heads up 😀
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Frazzled
Another horrible day. She is crying again saying she hates the way she looks and she wants it to stop but she can’t do anything about it and it’s not fair. I just took all of the mirrors down upstairs and will probably have to take them down on the first floor as well. It seems to me that’s ED is mourning that it has no control anymore. I can hear the ED in her voice and see it on her face. I think she is torturing herself by staring in the mirror and pinching herself and telling herself how fat she is etc. She pretty much tackled me and tried to get the mirror out of my hands. Like it was her most prized possession and she didn’t want to give it up! Maybe she isn’t weight restored yet because this sure seems to be similar to what people have said happens right before weight restoration. We do not have all of the weight measurements for all years so I am going by her weight curve from birth to around 8. Anxiety at an all time high but she is still eating well. Just needed to vent again. 
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scaredmom
Frazzled, 
I was thinking about you today and the issues are facing. Is there something going on with friends? Other girls and food, weight, image issues?. We have that here a bit currently. D's friends are dieting!! and she is seeing that- I am enraged but I am dealing with it. Just wanted to put that out there to think about.
 
Many have had to take the mirrors down. I find it interesting that you can see and hear ED! WOW! I get that. Yes she is torturing herself and you are doing the right thing. For my d we did not have any real extinction burst as she got close to WR. There were just good days and bad and we pushed through. WR is part of it and the other stuff we still need to do - challenge and get rid of ED thoughts and behaviours and that can take along time.I was reading the extinction burst thread today and we know that at minimum it can take 3 years or more to really get rid of ED. Is she on anti anxiety meds? My d is on sertraline and was off for awhile and I do now see the difference, where I did not before. 
We too did not have weight for heights since the age of 5 and our old family MD had retired. 
It really feels like it will last forever doesn't it. I am not sure what more you can do than all you are doing now. 
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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workingthrough
I’m so sorry it was a horrible day 😢

Very good job on taking those mirrors!! Ours are all away and/or covered as well. Keep them covered for some time. We took posterboards and covered the bottom half of our bathroom mirrors as well. She needs to stop those pinching behaviors, self checking, etc. Working through those behaviors + food are what will pull her through. 

You're doing wonderfully! Sadly, it’s such a gradual and step by step thing. Try to focus on the things she’s doing well (eating/fear foods, etc.). Keep goals, etc. in mind and push for them, but sometimes focusing on what IS going better helps pull me through. 

Sometimes there are just rotten days 🙁 I hope tomorrow is much better for you both, sure thinking of you both. 

ETA, maybe her calories are a little lower with her new braces. Maybe stress is also higher with getting the braces? Stress sure seems to escalate s a bit. Hopefully it’s just been a long week? I’d imagine she’s very close to WR as well perhaps — keep pushing through, you’re doing so well!! She’s lucky to have you! I hope you can do something nice for yourself tonight or this weekend. 
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workingthrough
scaredmom wrote:
Is there something going on with friends? Other girls and food, weight, image issues?. We have that here a bit currently. D's friends are dieting!! and she is seeing that- I am enraged but I am dealing with it. Just wanted to put that out there to think about.
 


This is so sad to hear and such a good thought as well.

Heartbreaking.

Food/diets/body shape are everywhere, it’s so sad. 
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Frazzled
Scaredmom, I feel for you with the dieting situation with your daughters friends. It’s awful how engrossed with appearances and weight we are as a society. We just can’t escape it! My daughter denies that anything is going on with friends right now but maybe will tell me something eventually. I was thinking about things and the neighbor girl may be a trigger with her. The neighbor girl is super skinny. Olive oyl on Popeye skinny. When my daughter sees her outside I see her look down at herself and put her arm around her waist and she looks very self conscious 😞 My daughter wants to have long stick legs and unfortunately that isn’t her body type. This behavior started after the weather warmed up and the neighbors are outside again. Seeing her could be making my daughter feel bad about herself?? Seems kinda silly but that’s all I can come up with. Workingthrough, I’m definitely going to focus more on what’s going right at the moment. I am worried that I am not doing enough to help her fight this but it’s still early days at almost a year into it. We have quite a ways to go. This is all so hard. 
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workingthrough
You’re doing amazing!! 

It sounds like that that could be with your neighbor girl, it’s so hard. Does your d see a therapist? Maybe they could work through some body image things in time? 

S’s therapist has been the one having “challenges” for s. Initially it was getting rid of a sweatshirt, and then wearing t’s, showering, etc. Maybe she could explore her feelings a little with her therapist and she/he could help build her up? S’s therapist didn’t want to put much focus there until S was WR. 

I agree, it’s so sad with society and things being so focused on image. 

You are doing amazing! Try not to be hard on yourself. I think the hardest part of all of this is that there is no x, y, z answer for any of us - we’re all figuring it out as we go. I’ll be back + asking you braces/food advice in no time, I’m sure!!
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EASL
Frazzled - sending you a big hug!! I second what ‘working through’ said - one of the hardest parts of this is the day to day fight - it’s a a slog that feels thankless. BUT - YOU CAN DO IT. 

it it helps me to ‘rate the days’ using a colour code -  red/yellow/green - we will have a purple day when my D eats Just because - about a year from now I expect. A day can be a mix of colours too. So if your D is eating and not exercising and communicating her feelings - but still body checking that might be a yellow/green day. The rating is NOT about you or her but about the amount of ED you are able to vanquish in a day. If you do this you can see your progress. 

As she’s 11 maybe it’s worthwhile tracking your monthly cycle to her moods to see if there is beginning to be a correlation? It might help you to prepare for monthly grumpies? Even if she’s a year or more away from her period her moods could begin shifting and you’d at least know about it. 

I think of ED as Diabetes, and have in a generic way explained to my D, it’s always there so she must let her body be ITS version of strong - whatever her DNA says it is and she must eat 3 meals and 2 snacks forever. Otherwise just like Diabetes she will get v sick if she doesn’t mind her nutritional needs. My D is very scientific so this analogy helped. Maybe for yours you could look at old family photos and show her how she has her grandmothers eyes or her aunts legs, etc? And that no amount of dieting/aspiring to different eye colours or leg length can change DNA. Of course more food going in and more non-body related positive feedback will also help loads. 

Good luck. I am thinking of you. You will do this. But please, get out and do something for just you. 
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tina72
Frazzled wrote:
We do not have all of the weight measurements for all years so I am going by her weight curve from birth to around 8.


We also have no growth weight charts as my d was not sick at all from 5 to 17 and did not see a doctor and we did not weigh her at home.
What helped me to see how she should look like was old photos before ED moved in. I saw that her face looks still different and that her legs are still thinner and that helped me to see that she should gain a bit more.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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tina72
EASL wrote:

I think of ED as Diabetes, and have in a generic way explained to my D, it’s always there so she must let her body be ITS version of strong - whatever her DNA says it is and she must eat 3 meals and 2 snacks forever. Otherwise just like Diabetes she will get v sick if she doesn’t mind her nutritional needs. My D is very scientific so this analogy helped.


Do you already know the adapt to famine theory of Shan Guisinger? It explains why Anorexia might have survived evolution and is still there. My d is very interested in evolution and biology and it took tons of shame and guilt from her shoulders and helped her accept the disease as a special evolutionary thing.
https://www2.psy.uq.edu.au/~uqbziets/Guisinger2003%20Adapted%20to%20flee%20faminine%20.pdf
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Frazzled
Thanks EASL, I will start tracking her moods around my cycle. You may have something there. Showing her pictures of family members and the traits that she has inherited will help also. Tina72, I have not heard that theory. I will share that with her as she also does well with explanations of things. It will certainly help with any guilt if i can show her that it’s biology at work. Thanks for your expertise! 
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tina72
I really love that theory as it is a really good explanation why this illness was not killed by evolution. It also explains very well why special people are still functional although they are nearly dying from starvation and others (like me) are not functional at all without normal food intake. It also explains why this illness is there in all societies and all countries around the world, even with the Amish or other people that have no contact to media, advertisement and even in societies that have a much different body image like the Fijis where big women are admired and not the thin ones.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Frazzled
Wow! I really love this theory also after reading. Makes a lot of sense. Thank you for sharing! I will be sharing this with my daughter as well. 
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Frazzled
Things are going a little bit better after taking the mirrors away. She is still upset though and I’m still trying to figure out what else may be triggering her right now. When she cries it reminds me of previous ED related events because I always picture the wicked witch of the west melting away in the Wizard of Oz. I can hear some mourning in her voice and she says that she wishes she can do something about her legs etc. maybe she is referring to restriction or something related but she always says that she can’t do anything about it and that makes her sad. I hope things continue to improve and this behavior dies off just like the wicked witch of the west 😜 Thanks for all your suggestions!
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EASL
Good for you - sounds like a small step but an important one. I am always reminding myself that they are so young and struggling - so maybe you have to just turn a deaf ear to the body complaints. The more regularly (and right amount) she eats the likelihood is the sadness will ebb and maybe then you can have some conversations about WHY her appearance is so important. But wait until you know she’s less sad. Just like us non-ED people - it’s hard to discuss a failing or an emotional topic so let her get to a stronger point. 

It it sounds like you feel a bit better. I’m happy for you. 

Every loophole that closes means you feel better and I believe those suffering do too. Sending a big hug!
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