F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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jennifereden
I can't post this on our FB page because I do not want it seen on mine. I had an epiphany today and, not a good one. My D has been into the Steampunk look for the past two years. A lot of the clothing is not appropriate for a 12 year old and I obviously control what she wears. She has always favoured dresses with a corset look. Most of them are sexual so, we do not buy them. Yesterday my friend gave her dress that has the steampunk look and is amazing on her. She said she would prefer if it if it had bones. I told her I could get her an under garment with such. I bought a regular corset from amazon. Later on, she asked me why all chest binders are advertised for lesbians. I told her that I thought it was so they could look more masculine. She then asked about trans people or, people who just don't want breasts. My response was that some people have surgery to remove breasts. She then asked me if I would buy her a binder. I said, no. I asked her if she felt male? I also said that a binder would not be healthy for a growing child to wear. She said, no, she did not feel male just that, "boobs are stupid." It has just occurred to me that this is all a part of ED. Has anyone else ever encountered this?  I should add that she is at a good weight and cleaning her plate with some minor issues but, not like December when she was diagnosed.
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Foodsupport_AUS
I have come across a number of teens who struggle with body changes at adolescence. I have heard of other non ED kids struggling with periods (hiding soiled items rather than managing appropriately) struggling with bras etc.. The changes are rapid for many kids and I think it is common for them to struggle to come to terms with the changes. Most 10 year olds are not keen to develop adult bodies. 12 year olds can also struggle as can slightly older teens. I think it is particularly hard when they feel different from others so by the time they are 15 /16 and everyone has gone through puberty they have adjusted and want that body type instead. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Mostly recovered 10 years later.  Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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Mamaroo
Hi, my d went through something similar. During refeeding she got a very boyish haircut and had a female friend, which she later told was more like a girlfriend. When she was weight restored, she grew her hair again and was very upset with me to allow her to cut her hair so short (and she wanted it shaved!). She severed all contact with her friend (luckily my d moved school, so that was very easy). In addition my d became very sensitive about the way she spoke (during refeeding), she got upset when she stumbled over words, which made her even more self conscious. This also disappeared with weight restoration.
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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ValentinaGermania
Hi jennifereden,
I think it is totally normal for a 12 year old to have problems with this changing body during puberty. Adding AN to it makes it even worse. They do not want to have a female figure because they think it looks fat.
I would not buy binders and corsets, too. That is no normal clothing for a 12 year old and she looks too sexy with it for her age. And it is feeding AN. Many girls on Proana sites use binders.

"Later on, she asked me why all chest binders are advertised for lesbians."
I asked myself where from does she know that? Is she surfing on AN sites or lesbian sites? Did you check her pc what she is doing in the internet?

When my d got sick and in early puberty years (she never had real puberty) she did not want to have breasts, too. She was pleased to have only A baskets (I hope that is the right word in english). Now at 18 with all friends around having a female figure she is sad that she has so little breast and would love to have more. So that will change I think when she is older.

Tina72
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Foodsupport_AUS
Tina your English is so great that most of the time I forget it is not your first language. The basket word did give me a laugh though only because of the mental imagery it gives. The word we use in English for bra size is cup, and now I have a mental image of some women walking around with tiny little espresso cups and others with mugs!!
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Mostly recovered 10 years later.  Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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ValentinaGermania
Thanks Foodsupport for correcting me, I thought it might be wrong but translater did not help very much. Basket is "Körbchen" in German and we messure bra sizes with that. Indeed I have now some funny pictures in my head, too, because cup is "Tasse" and that is what we use to drink some coffee or tea and is really funny to imagine!
I will not change it in my post because maybe that gives someone else a smile, too, and some smiles are desperately needed here...
Thanks again, I am learning with that and I appreciate it a lot.
[wave]Tina72
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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coffeeandcake
Oh thank you, thank you, thank you for not changing it Tina72!!!!

You are correct that we need laughs, and I did indeed laugh (quietly) at that one.

I do feel however that for some of us that are more well-endowed that perhaps baskets is closer to the correct term [biggrin]
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Mamaroo
O Tina, you made my day 🤣🤣🤣🤣, thanks for mot changing it
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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ValentinaGermania
I never thought it would be that easy to make you laugh [biggrin]
Although not intented it is a pleasure for me!
[wave]Tina72
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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