F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Scaredmom2019
I know body checking is an ED behavior. I also dont know anyone that doesnt "body check" to some extent every time they look on the mirror at their outfit etc. Many, many people have full length mirrors ( we do not though). 
How do you support a kid to look in the mirror in a "healthy" way? I'm really stumped by this piece of ED. I body check every time I get dressed. Do I always like the way my sweater or jeans fit? No! But I carry on as normal anyway. I realize that ED is a mental illness and therefore is not able to "move on" like I do but how do we expect our kids to not care about their outfits and how they fit? I really think this is "normal" for most people. 
I feel such a juxtaposition with the full extinguishment of this behavior.
Seems.more reasonable that we may push acceptance commitment while still looking at their outfits? 
I am stuck! Help!
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ValentinaGermania
I started to comment about outfits another way than before. I did not say any more "this shirt fits well" but I say something like "the blue in that shirts makes your eyes look brighter" or something like that. Do you know what I mean?
I think what you describe about getting dressed yourself is no body checking in the sense of ED. You just check if you look good and there are no stains on your jeans and the colours of your shirt and pants match. You know that your body might not be perfect so you do not expect to see that in the mirror and you know that 99,9% of the women do not have a catalogue body so you are content with what you see.

I think if you keep showing your d that you accept yourself the way you are and that all body shapes and sizes are fine you are the best role model for her to learn to look into the mirror in a healthy way.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Torie
I have heard that when AN-kids look in the mirror, they literally see a distorted image.  I don't think anything except weight + time can help with that.  (I have no idea of knowing if this is happening with your d or not.)

(I read about a study that tested this by having ED-kids walk through a narrow doorway.  When we realize our bodies are a bit too large for an entrance, we naturally turn a bit sideways in order to get through.  The ED-kids turned to the side like that at a size when a neurotypical kid would walk straight through.)

The body checking we saw was pretty typical, I think:  the most common example was feeling her belly with her hands.  I often hear about them touching various parts to see what the size seems to be today or more like this minute because they do in many, many times each day or even many times each hour.

I agree that it is normal (sadly) to look in the mirror and think "This is not 100% what I had hoped to see.  Oh well, my house is not as clean as I would like, either."  That is just how life is for females in the 21st century.

Since your d is doing so well, I expect any bugs with this will melt away with food + time.

Keep swimming xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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Scaredmom2019
What an interesting study! Wow

I think my D has body dysmorphia and has for many many years. The difference is that her's always centered around the perception her eyes were too red and that her nose was too big. Like this was HUGE. Then it turned to ED and waistline though I dont think my D ever has thought that she was overweight. She didn't love her body but can honestly say to me that she's never felt truly "fat" (she's never been even close).
Today she made a comment: while since I'm getting bigger maybe I can wear my old jeans again. Wow. 
The stomach rubbing I DO see a lot. She says "I'm bloated" which we then talk about the normalcy of that during recovery and she moves on. 
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Torie
"The stomach rubbing I DO see a lot. She says "I'm bloated" which we then talk about the normalcy of that during recovery and she moves on."

Hmmm ... that might be a different kind of stomach rubbing.  It was pretty clearly stomach checking that we saw.  It sounds like your d might just be talking about the discomfort she probably really does feel?

"Today she made a comment: while since I'm getting bigger maybe I can wear my old jeans again. Wow."

Wow, indeed!  That is amazing. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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