F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Torie
Well, dang. I'm getting to really hate fall.

D was doing so well at the start of the school year. Even her depression, which preceded Ed, seemed much better; she was helping herself to an extra cookie or snack without asking for "credit" for it, etc. I always send her with 5 items for lunch, and she had been eating 4 and the last one would come back home in her lunchbox (an improvement right there as last year she would ditch or give away the things she didn't want). That is fine because 4 is probably a better number than 5, truth be told.

But.

The number of items coming back home has been increasing. Recently she has been rejecting the main "entree" (a piece of pizza or a set of chicken nuggets, or...).

A few weeks ago I weighed her, and her weight was good.

A few days ago I weighed her, and she had lost a pound and a half: It's official - this is a blip.

She has a stressful schedule of 4 AP classes + time consuming extracurriculars. She needs to learn that restricting is not a coping mechanism that is available to her.

I told her she has a week to regain the lost weight. I will have to take her by surprise for the weigh-in to be sure Ed doesn't play any tricks on us.

Amazing how little it takes to return to the place where I wake up feeling physically stressed.

I hate Ed.

I hope everyone is having a better day than expected. I hate to complain when so many here are facing much much much bigger challenges, but I always find it helpful to read about the various twists and turns the good folks here encounter on the journey so I thought I'd tell a little about mine.

Best to all,

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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Sotired
Oh Torie,that sucks.i hate that wake up stressed feeling too.your journey matters just as much as anyone else,remember ? Think it was you who told me not to compare journeys and you were right.hopefully with a few weeks of full nutrition your d will come right again.it really does suck that this is the coping mechanism of choice for so many an kids even when they recover to a point.do you have some leverage?i hope it works and gets what needs to be accomplished done.three gold stars for being on top of it so quickly ( I'm in a gold star kind of mood today)
.
Sotired42
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K63
Hi Torie, I can understand why you wake up feeling stressed you have been on this journey and know how awful it can be . Well done that you have picked this up early and can be extra vigilant and hope it will settle again and weight is restored. . Warm thoughts.
Daughter started restricting in February 2014, tried re feeding at home hospital admission 4 1/2 months weight restored started restricting post discharge, back on meal plan full supervision weight restored april 2016. Starting to hand back responsibility for meals it's scary. 
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Rayney
Aww Sorry to hear this Torie and sending you love.  It's hard when they have a blip but you have been vigilant and jumped straight on it, so I know you will pull it back. It may be short lived as we have a blip a few weeks ago when my dd didn't eat for 3 days, but within a week we had her back on her usual meal plan and she has improved from before in the last few weeks.  It is horrible and seems just when we think it is improving, bam we are back.  But you are strong and have given me so much support during my journey and I am sending you and your daughter love and hugs (virtual of course) now. Take care and stay strong.x
17 years old, well into recovery and taking full control of food herself and gaining weight, she's loving life at the minute, it does get better!!
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mamabear
I'm right there with you in a " blip".
After 2 plus years of normalcy D has been picking food apart etc.
So we have to go back on the offensive and it SUCKS.
I am waking up with that vice grip feeling again too around my chest, not sleeping well etc.
it is hard to not let my mind wander off to doom. I had a full on freak out the other night with my H and I was screaming " I cannot do this again. I will not survive this again."

Then I had a good cry and put on my BG panties. We are not starting over. This is a blip and there will most likely be more.

We are going to tackle it when H gets home from a trip.

I am thinking of you. We know what to do.
Persistent, consistent vigilance!
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mumto3
We've got ourselves a bit of a blip too, ugh, lost close to three pounds in two weeks...  She's willing to eat more, but seeing a tiny bit of restricting - leaving a little on the bottom of the cup, a bit on the plate.  Luckily, she's agreed to make her snacks more substantial - so hopefully we can turn this around.  Her T thinks she might still be hypermetabolic.

Can you just give her 4 things and insist she eat everything?  Seems like if she only has to eat 4 then she gets to "restrict" by leaving one and this is now turning into leaving the "main" part...

Hate this disease and its endless recovery.
worried mom
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Morgana
I am sorry Torie, but at least you are on it.

Don't feel like you are complaining at all! This is what we are all here for-to support and to be supported. 

Thinking of you, and mamabear and mumto3, let's hope the blips are short lived.
15yr old d. June 2014 stomach pain. Medical investigations until Feb 2015, referred to CAMHs dx food anxiety. Kept restricting and losing weight until July 2015, medically unstable. Began intensive re-feeding at home. Re-evaluated by psychiatrist, dx Autism Spectrum Disorder and Atypical AN.
Found out it's actually Typical AN.
IP from Oct 15, ng tube Nov. Re-started eating food July 2016. Discharged from IP August 2016 97% weight for height.
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floating
Torie

That sucks.........nasty ED trying to creep in

But you noticed fast and will keep stamping you foot on it 

Sorry for the blip, hope it is a one off

Thinking of you xx


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NELLY_UK
My d used that term- I am having a blip. It's a big blip but still a blip.
What is the definition of blip?
We have now had a blip for two months and it is steadily getting worse and worse.
I just had to respond to the BLIP.
Sorry rant over.
NELLY D 20 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. ED/Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
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NellyMac_UK
Hi Torie!  I agree I think autumn is the worst time of year (but also so beautiful!).  Dark mornings and evenings are depressing and its a new term at school for a lot of us, plus whilst our D is looking forward to Hallloween and Christmas it also causes anxiety to spike.

I define a blip as when Ds mood is low and she is either restricting a bit or binge eating.  However, I have learned not to panic.  We all have dips in our moods from time to time, I am at the stage of sitting tight and waiting for it to pass but being on alert to take action if needed.  I want her to recognize when she is having a dip and take control of it herself.  We recently had two very anxious weeks but she had a GP appointment and came out of it and is doing really well again, I think this gives her confidence in herself that she can cope.

I wouldn't let it go on for more than a couple of weeks though and if there was purging, missing entire meals or SH I would take action.

We do not weigh our D as she is at a very healthy weight (with medication she has gained a lot and has gone up another dress size), it also very triggering for her.
Diagnosed RAN October 2013, w/r but struggling with depression and anxiety.
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Torie
Thank you everyone for the kind words and encouragement.

It always sucks to be reminded that progress is not linear, eh PsychoMom?

D has been wr for about a year and a half, during which time she has continued to gain a little bit each year, as she needs to. I do have plenty of leverage thank heavens since she is still 16. I'm not sure, though, how much to jump in and use the leverage as she does need to learn to pull herself back up if there is to be hope of going off to uni in another year and a half.

SHe loves her (non-athletic) extracurriculars, which is great, but it keeps her out from under my watchful eye for 3 dinners a week. Tough decision whether I need to meet her for dinner those three nights or let her have a week to turn this around while continuing on with so much independence. I know some here disapprove of this, but in the past I have required her to have a friend send me meal reports for lunch and dinner. I told D I needed dinner reports again, and she was practically in tears - "Please, Mom, no. I did that for a year and half. I don't want to do that again." That was when I told her she had a week to put the weight back on.

So hard to know what is Ed and what is D. D (my real D) loves to stay after with her friends and have dinner with them between school and her activity. It's always been a good motivator for her. But, very stressful for me when I have no way of knowing what or even if she is eating.

Last night was one of the nights she eats dinner at home. As dinner was going to be late, I made her a milkshake (Haagen Dasz + HWC only ingredients), and when I handed it to her she asked, "What's that for?" I just said, "For my darling daughter" and left it at that. She finished it promptly. (I haven't given her a milkshake in ages.) She eats fine at home, and continues to help herself to a few pieces of candy, a piece of fruit, etc.

I explained to her that it's ok to not eat a small item in her lunch (e.g., applesauce or carrots), but if she isn't going to eat the main thing, she needs to buy something to take its place. How very very weird to have to explain to a 16 year old something so basic! Of course, that isn't weird at all to anyone here, which is why I treasure my membership in this club I never ever wanted to join and wish I had never needed to.

D is low on sleep and has two quizzes today. Please send positive thoughts her way.

Thanks again for all the kind replies.

xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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YogurtParfait_US
Hang in there, Torie! You've got this!

Watching my daughter eat normally again, I'm thinking how important it is to catch the blips, and shore up our kids with more support.

Sending hugs!
"Hope is a wonderful thing ... but hope by itself is not enough. Hope is the reason to take action, to make a plan and then to change the plan when it isn’t working - over and over and over again if necessary." Hannah Joseph (Let's Feast Friday Reflection, "Just Keep Going," Friday, March 3rd, 2015)
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Torie
Thanks for all the replies and support.

I wanted to update this thread, even though I'm actually not 100% sure how it is going.  Also, I always have mixed feelings about writing positive posts because I know they can be hard to read when times are so tough for so many. But then again, if no one ever wrote about the positive things, this forum would be a grim place when actually it is a place of real hope and success. So hear goes with a mostly positive report:

D's weight is good. She regained the little she had lost and seems more and more willing (able) to take an "extra" piece of pizza or cookie or whatever.

She has weathered some friend drama without restricting or cutting (as far as I can tell). It's hard to tell when depression and anxiety are such a big part of the equation and D is so secretive about how she feels. Perhaps the best sign is that she seems to be easing up on her perfectionism regarding grades. 

Keep feeding, everyone. It really does get better.

xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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atdt31_US
Torie - you've been a big help to me over the months and I just wanted to say great job and thanks for updating, especially with positive news.  Your time posting and responding to others' posts is much appreciated!
Mom of either pre-diagnosis or non-ed underweight 12 yoa (as of March 2018) kid here to learn how to achieve weight gain.  BMI steadily in the mid 12's for nearly her entire life.  Born 2006. UPDATE:  April 2018 diagnosed ARFID, based solely on weight being less than 75% of Ideal Body Weight.  Mildly picky, but mostly the problem is a volume/early satiety issue, along with abdominal discomfort and chronic constipation, all present since birth. FWIW ED-D is a fraternal twin and we have no other kids.
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Sotired
Such good news torie-and hey,you were due some!i need to hear of recovery and success even when we aren't there yet.without hope where would any of us be?cheers to you-three gold stars and a vodka jelly shot time[smile]
Sotired42
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Morgana
Torie that is so good to read! And what a huge step forward that she is able to ease up on the perfectionism. I often think our d's are quite similar so it is very encouraging to hear it does indeed get better.
15yr old d. June 2014 stomach pain. Medical investigations until Feb 2015, referred to CAMHs dx food anxiety. Kept restricting and losing weight until July 2015, medically unstable. Began intensive re-feeding at home. Re-evaluated by psychiatrist, dx Autism Spectrum Disorder and Atypical AN.
Found out it's actually Typical AN.
IP from Oct 15, ng tube Nov. Re-started eating food July 2016. Discharged from IP August 2016 97% weight for height.
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K63
Hi Torie, thanks for post and well done it's reading theses positive posts that keep me going with full supervision as sometimes I feel it's too intense and no sign of d taking over any responsibility for her food management but I know I need to keep doing this . Keep posting positive ones.
Daughter started restricting in February 2014, tried re feeding at home hospital admission 4 1/2 months weight restored started restricting post discharge, back on meal plan full supervision weight restored april 2016. Starting to hand back responsibility for meals it's scary. 
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sk8r31
Really glad to hear that you & d have weathered this blip well...though one's heart always sinks when there is a bump in the road, knowing what you need to do can get you back on track fairly quickly.

This is a challenging time of year for everyone...kids and families alike.  The academics ramp up with testing etc, and the expectations and obligations of the season add extra stress.

Sounds like you handled this blip really well....and there may be a couple more in your future...just the nature of recovering from an ED.  But you got this...

Hope that with the vacation time from school, your d can relax more and continue on in good fashion.

Warmly,
sk8r31
It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
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Rayney
Well done Torie, great news and it is lovely to hear some positives as we all need them sometimes mostly to read them when we are in a dark place as it gives us all hope.  Thank you and for all the support and advice you have given me over the past year.  We will all carry on, celebrate when we can and drink when we can't ha ha!
17 years old, well into recovery and taking full control of food herself and gaining weight, she's loving life at the minute, it does get better!!
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schnook
Thanks for sharing. It's really encouraging to learn that some blips are just blips.
Working hard at meal support and WR for an anxious and food avoidant 6yo
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Torie
Thanks so much, everyone. Three gold starts back at ya, sotired - I'll think of you when I make the jelly shots.

I cannot believe what my d said this morning. She had been assigned an agree / disagree paper on something she thought was painfully obvious - she said, "It's like telling you to pick between being stabbed 6 times or eating candy."

Say what?!? I didn't ask, but I'm pretty sure she meant the being stabbed option was the bad one.

I guess it's true what they say that you never know what tomorrow may bring. Hopefully most of the surprises are good ones for everyone here.

xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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momon
Love your good news, love what your daughter said and I want to second what others said-- no, I guess it's not second when I am the 7th to say it but anyway-- that I appreciate so much how you support us all, especially taking the time and sharing the links to Eva's great works for new members. Love Eva and love you for making it accessible to others.  [wave]
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