F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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lluka
My 19 AN d is stage 2/3 of FBT. Her weight yesterday with the therapist was 59 kgs (1 kg above what he wanted her to stay at). He wasn't concerned at all, but she had massive anxiety before the appointment and was totally devastated when she discovered her weight. She has a newfound obsession with sweet foods (she rarely ate sweet foods pre ED), but seems to be a little out of control with her intake. At first I thought it was fantastic that she would so freely eat this, but its now become an obsession. I also had her come to the gym with me three times a week to do yoga/pilates which was very helpful for her mind/body state, but she has gotten bored of that and hasn't done it for a month.The problem that I can see is that, she seems to be not interested in helping herself with self-care. But is not happy that she has an extra kg over goal!! Its so frustrating because she knows how to lead a healthy life.....BALANCE. But its like she's going to now end up overweight, and god only knows what issues that will bring. Im just finding it really hard to regulate her weight, now that she is at goal. Should I be worried about her going over goal weight? Is this another part of ED? 
TIA and massive hugs to you all in battling this shitty disease.
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Enn
Hi lluka,
Well done with weight gain and eating sweets I think is great.  
You mentioned purging in your title. Is she purging? or is she bingeing? You note she has a newfound obsession with sweets- so I thought you meant bingeing.
It is common in recovery to wish to eat more. 
https://tabithafarrar.com/2017/02/recovery-binges-not-end-world/

She may still need to gain into her 20's if you let us know her height we may be able to troubleshoot. This may just be part of her recovery. To be honest, I would consider her not wishing to exercise are being normal for a teen. My non ED d  (21)does not do much physical activity and just enjoys physical activity when she wants to- a walk or yoga or bike ride just for fun. 
Your d is really still quite young and her weight may just settle out at her natural/ predetermined weight range. I think time will tell with her weight etc..
I tend to ascribe to Heathy bodies at Every Size (HAES). I tend to go with state not weight here. 


When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Enn
I see you started your journey in about April and so it is still very early days. It takes months to  years to see full brain recovery. The brain(prefrontal cortex) continues to develop until about age 21 for girls and 25 for boys. Of course that is general and all people are different.
I feel you have done very well and I know it is hard to be patient. \Sending my best. 
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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lluka
yes, stupid me, sorry, I meant BINGEING. My thoughts are are totally messed up at the moment. My 15 yr son was just diagnosed with OCD and Anxiety, so Im in damage control everywhere I turn.
Yes, hopefully it just all balances out. And yes, my D is lazy by nature,( which has its pro"s and con's). My d is 173cm tall. Thanks for your advice.
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melstevUK
Hi Iluka,

I am sorry to hear about the difficulties you are having with both children .
In terms of ed d, it is very common for patients recovering to overeat when they finally start to recover.  Your d has a lot of growth and development to go through as well which may be affecting her appetite. 
It is a tough one. My own d who recovered at the age of 25 was always a small build and very thin, actually looked chubby for a while but I did not dare say anything .However, after about eighteen months everything started to settle and she started to look like an adult after years of looking like a waif. 
You want to factor in enjoyment of food and eating without doing anything which could be interpreted as criticising. I would let things run for a few months and see what happens. 
If yoga helped with her frame of mind, that is the one activity I would keep encouraging her to keep going as it is unlikely to lead to obsessive exercise, which can be even worse than no exercise. 
What is she doing in other areas of her life? Is she studying or working? At this point try and put the focus on her getting her life together and being happy with her choices. And also ensure she has friends and interests .

You have done a great job so far.
Believe you can and you're halfway there.
Theodore Roosevelt.
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tina72
lluka wrote:
yes, stupid me, sorry, I meant BINGEING. My thoughts are are totally messed up at the moment. My 15 yr son was just diagnosed with OCD and Anxiety, so Im in damage control everywhere I turn.
Yes, hopefully it just all balances out. And yes, my D is lazy by nature,( which has its pro"s and con's). My d is 173cm tall. Thanks for your advice.


To be honest, with 59 kg at a high of 173 cm she is still on the very low end of the weight range and 1 kg less would mean that she is just not underweight. The normal weight range is up to 73 kg! So she is really far away from getting overweight and can eat as much sweets as she likes!
Most ED patients feel recovered around a BMI of 21-23 so she is far away from that and should gain some more kg in the next time to keep her safe. If you keep her on the edge of being just not underweight (and that is a common mistake professionals do very often) you keep ED just in front of your door and when she loses 1-2 kg (because of an infection or more work or more learning or something else that is stressy) you see her relapse within a few days.
ED patients need a safety net and one part of that safety net is a good and healthy weight withing a normal range and some buffer.

I would try to avoid binging by serving regular meals and snacks for the next 2 years as she is still very early days. It is important to keep her blood sugar level constant and then she will feel no urge to binge and her anxiety about that can fade away slowly. Normal meals and normal food with all that she ate before ED moved in, that is the target. It takes some years to recover from an ED.

If you want to change the name of your thread into "Binging and not commited" you can use the "edit" pencil on the right side of the titel.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Enn
lluka,
Do you really feel she is bingeing  or just eating a lot of sweets? 
It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I hope you get sometime for yourself as well and that you have someone to support you to lessen the burden. 
Sending a hug 
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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lluka
thanks for everyones advice. our FBT therapist wanted her to stay around 58 kgs. So when my d weighed in at 59 kgs, she (my d) was very upset. Weigh ins are hard at the best of times. I saw the ED appear back in her eyes about three days before our FBT appointment. I will keep feeding. thank you.
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Foodsupport_AUS
I do worry about the experience of your FBT suggesting that a particular weight is an upper limit weight. It suggests someone who is very weight stigmatising and may not be helpful in the long run for recovery. I would have a clear word with him to establish where this is coming from. If she gained 10kg more would that be bad if she was happy, physically and mentally healthy? She would still be well within what is considered "healthy weight" guidelines. Perhaps her bingeing is in response to a need for her body to gain weight, may be she is just really hungry?
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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tina72
lluka wrote:
thanks for everyones advice. our FBT therapist wanted her to stay around 58 kgs.


This is not professional at all. Is that a licenced FBT therapist? To keep her at such a low weight means to keep her sick...this is cruel and does not lead to recovery but to chronical illness.
Keep feeding. She must get to a healthy weight to get recovery started. Be not afraid of what ED is afraid of.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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lluka
Ive just messaged him to call me tomorrow. Yes, he is licensed FBT therapist, one of the pioneers and the best in my city (apparently), and has been faultless until this happened. I can literally see the fear and anxiety back in my d's eyes, and she has been free of that for a few months.Its going to be very difficult to get that "goal weight" out of my daughters head now unfortunately. 
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Enn
I remember when my d had lost a bit and the therapist said it was ok and why was I so upset. I told her that it may be the beginning of a relapse- it was a baby relapse.  She said ‘well you don’t want her to gain forever do you’, I actually said yes then I qualified that with, ‘ her body will find its natural place’ and that worked for us. 
There is never ever any harm for more, there is always risk of less or a lower weight. This guy needs to challenge his own prejudices regarding weight. 
I am sorry for this place you are currently in. I am sure he has been great for most of your journey. I think he is allowed to have his weaknesses and you will get back on track. 
I would not even have a new goal weight in mind, go with state not weight. The fear is because of ED. 
Sending good thoughts your way.
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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