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mid73 Show full post »
ValentinaGermania
How does she know how much her snack has? Can you use something that is not packed and has a lable on it? Home made flapjacks for example?
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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mid73
That’s the problem really. She won’t really eat home made snacks. When we were refeeding 3 years ago I had a great flapjack recipe but she just wants to eat stuff where she knows the calories. Or can work it out easily. What I’ve been doing is introducing home made puddings at mealtimes but will only eat pudding in an evening.
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ValentinaGermania
That is something you need to work on. It is ED behaviour that she only eats stuff she knows the calories. She needs to learn to eat normal unpacked homemade food again. Do not buy packed food any more or throw away all packaged at the supermarket parking. She will go through the roof first but it is needed. You need to get rid of ALL the ED rules in her head to get rid of ED.

And make clear that a snack below 300 calories does not count. If she wants to stick to these flapjacks she needs to eat at least 2-3 of them. Or a bigger homemade one...🙂 My d always took the alternative with only 1 item. Maybe worth a try?
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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mid73
So as I feared, getting absolutely nowhere here. Last week she gained 0.3, this week she’s lost 0.8kg. Completely denies she’s ill. Is terrified of gaining weight. CAMHS have referred back to GP to monitor as she refuses to go to CAMHS but I’ve yet to get her to the GP. It’s so frustrating, I just feel she’s going to get worse and worse before my eyes. 

I know she probably doesn’t eat what she buys at school. I could pull her out of school but then I’m taking what little social interaction she has away. It’s sooo hard. Stopping driving lessons has made no impact. Bit of loss really what to do next. 

Sorry to whinge X
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Salee

I feel the exact same way, I can see my D losing weight even though she’s eating 3 meals a day and 3 milks she won’t add to her diet no matter how much I try. Tonight she refused mash and wanted rice instead, threats of not eating if I didn’t make rice. I feel like a failure as I gave her the rice she wanted. Any advice as how far to push, is it better to give in and she eats or say no and she doesn’t. 

I don’t feel strong enough or in control of anything!

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Enn
Mid73,
I had a thought when I saw this last post of yours. If what is going on now is not working then radical changes need to happen. So going to school you feel she does not eat. 
Although we wish to keep life normal and social it may not be possible as food and nutrition and getting better is the priority. 
I think by letting her, rather ED ,do what he pleases the wrong messages are being sent. 
How do we help you get back on track? Do incentives work or reward like money, shopping etc..?
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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mid73
I thought not paying for a driving lesson this week as she didn’t gain the minimum 0.5kg that I’d told her was required would concentrate her mind. But it hasn’t. Money is a motivator but she earns some as she has an evening job one night a week. I could keep her at school but meet her for lunch but she wouldn’t do that. At the moment I take her to school. If I refuse to take her I think she’ll storm out of the house and just catch a bus. 

Sorry you’re in the same boat Salee. Can you put double cream in the milk? One tablespoon is 70cal and if you stir it in it really doesn’t notice. The only meal here I have total control of is evening meal. 
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Enn

I wonder if a more immediate rewards/incentives would be helpful So if today she does not eat well, then no job tonight or friends or cell phone. What is her job? Is it a place where they should know about  her illness? I do think meeting at school  for lunch would be a something to consider. You say she would not do that. What if you just showed up and the staff helped to get her in a room with you? I think surprising ED with a different approach may change the dynamic a bit. Just a little shift can help. Easier said than done for sure. Does the school know? 

I think we sometimes need to think outside the box and become really creative to deal with ED. What other issues are you having? We can help brain storm to come up with some strategies.
I know it is not easy at all. I know you have tried so many things. What worked in the past? Is there something that did work before and maybe needs to be tweaked now?

Sending my best,

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Enn
@Salee
it is really hard with ED in the home. IF you can get her to eat and gain, that is the first thing. It does not matter what she is eating at this stage. 
Please consider starting a New topic, then we can all answer your questions if we know what is going on in your home.
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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ValentinaGermania
mid73 wrote:
So as I feared, getting absolutely nowhere here. Last week she gained 0.3, this week she’s lost 0.8kg. Completely denies she’s ill. Is terrified of gaining weight. CAMHS have referred back to GP to monitor as she refuses to go to CAMHS but I’ve yet to get her to the GP. It’s so frustrating, I just feel she’s going to get worse and worse before my eyes. 

I know she probably doesn’t eat what she buys at school. I could pull her out of school but then I’m taking what little social interaction she has away. It’s sooo hard. Stopping driving lessons has made no impact. Bit of loss really what to do next. 

Sorry to whinge X


To expect she will buy food on her own in school and eat it then is too much in this state I think.
It is necessary to pull her out or to go and supervise snacks and lunch there. No other options I think. What you have not seen is eaten is not eaten...
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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ValentinaGermania
Salee wrote:

I feel the exact same way, I can see my D losing weight even though she’s eating 3 meals a day and 3 milks she won’t add to her diet no matter how much I try. Tonight she refused mash and wanted rice instead, threats of not eating if I didn’t make rice. I feel like a failure as I gave her the rice she wanted. Any advice as how far to push, is it better to give in and she eats or say no and she doesn’t. 

I don’t feel strong enough or in control of anything!



You can add oil to the rice and make the portion looking bigger than the mash portion is. I would bet she would want to eat the mash portion then...🙂
There is no rule and no right or wrong. If she eats x instead of y and it is the same amount of energy and she gains weight with it it is not important if she eats x or y. But if she always asks for the lower caloric meal make it be the same. And if you think it is ED that is asking and not your d then do not give in.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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MKR
Hi mid73,

Thank you for the warning. Yikes, that must  have been such  a shock!

You are right, we should keep watch, the propensity probably means and dip in weight can be dangerous. 

We will stick to making contracts with our child (expectations, rewards, consequences) to maintain the present weight. 

All the best and thanks again for the warning, 

Z
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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mjkz
What about making the job conditional on gaining the weight?  You could also talk to the school and let them know what your worries are and let them know how sick she is. You can pull her from school and make sure the school won't accept her until she is following a wellness plan.  Time to take off the gloves and pull out all the stops especially before she is 18 and you don't have even that much control. 
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mid73
Thank you all for your replies and thoughts. I’m keeping her eating. She needs to eat more to gain but isn’t losing. I’m not rocking the boat this week anymore as I have a GP appointment early next week and I need her onside to get her there. I agree loopholes need to be closed but I need back up. No sanctions are working at the moment. 
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