F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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medford
Greetings all and warm regards, 

First, the history
  • 1st admission Feb 7, 2014 for RAN at 15
  • Fooled the doctors by hiding weights
  • Told us to perform home hospitalization in June 2014 (awful time with violence-tried LSUYE, daughter jumped out of her 2nd story window)
  • Aug 2014, 2nd inpatient stay- sectioned
  • Went to live in foster care because she was too traumatized (likely had a mental health breakdown)
  • Returned home Dec 2014 Stopped going to all doctors appointments
  • Illness steadily worsened.  Became vegan
  • Feb 2016 3rd IP admission, followed by a 5-month admission to mental health facility that does not treat eating disorders (secondary diagnosis fluid: bipolar, schizoaffective, depression with psychosis)
  • tried to purge while on a pass for mental health program.  We tried to stop her. Ended up having to call the police to take her back to hospital  
  • They tried to return her to eating disorder program after discharge from mental health hospital but she refused.  Significant weight loss
  • Said can't come home due to traumatic experiences.  Went to live in transitional housing 
  • 3 weeks ago sectioned her again, right before 18th birthday since she didn't eat for 2 days
  • Not tolerating weight gain very well.  Refusing referrals to other programs
  • Few relationships remaining 
  • Quit job
  • Needs to finish one course in order to be eligible to attend university but is saying that refeeding is affecting her mental health and ability to complete the course. 
Presently wants to travel across Canada, Europe and India and go away to university in the fall next year.  Has the money to do it since she has also become miserly and has significant savings.  Due to her multiple diagnosis is on disability and there are programs and grants for people in her circumstances.  Consequently, our leverage has diminished as we stated that we would not support long term travel outside of Canada and or going to university without having been weight restored for a year.  There is one area up for negotiation but it is a rock in a hard  place scenario.  Since what she gets from disability isn't much, we have been helping her out with food.  The problem is that she is afraid that she will binge if she has food in her room.  So, she only eats out.  If I don't give her the money, she won't buy the food herself.  So, we are kind of stuck, but this is also expensive.  Also, she says that the trip to India is the only thing keeping her motivated to remain living. However, we are concerned about travel outside of Canada due to the preexisting clause if she has some complications due to anorexia.  Any advice how we can convince her to stay in the hospital ( she can stay voluntarily) and or to get the help that she needs? 

Best wishes everyone




D 19, dx with RAN in March 2014. 6 hospital and 2 psychiatric inpatient stay. Not living at home and just completed first year of university
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Torie
Hi medford, I'm sorry I don't have any great ideas for you, but I have a question: Do you agree that your d as bipolar disorder and if so, does she take meds for that?  I also wonder if you might be able to negotiate a compromise where is she does ___, you will go with her for the trip she wants to take.

I wonder where Wenwinning is these days - she always has good advice for the ya crowd.

Hang in there. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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iHateED
Oh Medford,  I'm so sorry for your situation.  It becomes so much harder when they become young adults and are financially independent.  You have been at this for such a long time now and you are doing the best that you can for your D.  The secondary conditions such as bipolar and depression may go away once your D is weight restored and her brain starts to heal.   Until then, it will be truly hard to tell.    Would you be able to get your D to the 5 day intensive in Ohio at the Center for Balanced Living or the UCSD program?  Perhaps that would help get you both on the same page to recovery.   When we took our D to the UCSD program, we told her how we would make it into a mini vacation.  Since your D wants to travel, maybe that would work for you. 

Sending hugs and prayers to you both.
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mjkz
 
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Has the money to do it since she has also become miserly and has significant savings.


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we have been helping her out with food.  The problem is that she is afraid that she will binge if she has food in her room.  So, she only eats out.  If I don't give her the money, she won't buy the food herself. 


Why are you paying for food if she has significant savings?  One way you might stop the traveling is making her use her savings for food rather than traveling since one is essential and the other is not.  Disability might not be much but with savings she can pay for her own food especially if she is going out for everything.  It is expensive that way and while I understand why she does it, it might be a way to curtail her travel.  She may end up not eating and back inpatient too which would certainly curtail her traveling.

I would be scared to death to have had my daughter traveling when she was in a similar situation.  Can the fact that she has been sectioned be used to stop her from traveling?  I am on the other side of the pond but I have had friends who complain that because they were sectioned as kids, it affects their ability travel outside of the UK.

Hang in there Medford.  It sounds like she didn't make it very long in transitional housing so her traveling might never be something she can do with her mental state.
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AUSSIEedfamily
Dear medford,

Sorry to hear that your D is struggling. I see that ihateED has suggested the 5 day NEW FED programs at the Centre For Balanced Living & USCD.

If you plus other members of your family & your D were able to get into the NEW FED  there might be an opportunity to make a positive change to the cycle of inpatient stays.

I was fortunate to be a visitor & a participant of the 4th day of the 5 day program in Ohio during August this year. All the participants had experienced long term illness. From my observation & experience during this day it appear that this program has the ability to reset the story for those with a long term illness & reset the story for the family & support people. Hearing the comments of the patients at the end of the day when I posed a couple of questions about the program gave me the feeling that some very long & difficult journeys had taken a new turn for the better & that that turn included the family & support people.

From all that I now read about long term & severe EDs and what I learn from clinicians who work to change the lives of those with long term illness is that when the family & support people are included as an integral part of the treatment & recovery then life without an ed in control becomes a reality.

You may be able to negotiate a deal with your D to get her to go to Ohio or to USCD.
ED Dad
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medford
Thank you all for your comments.  I am grateful for your advice and support.  I will definitely your words of wisdom.   I will keep your loved ones in my prayers.
 
D 19, dx with RAN in March 2014. 6 hospital and 2 psychiatric inpatient stay. Not living at home and just completed first year of university
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