F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Emma_Olive1
Hi there, Sadly my daughter is not doing so well again after starting recovery a year ago during an inpatient stay for treatment of AN. She was so close to being nutritionally restored and many of her ED behaviors were slowing going away. Unfortunately she is very isolated and not having a peer group is taking its toll. She turns 18 on the 22nd of August and has been with CAMHS but they need her to be on board to transfer to adult services. She may have accepted this a few months ago but as she is now 'zoning out' she just wants them all out her hair. So we now find ourselves having  to go it alone which is not ideal. We've been told that, should she need to, adult services would pick her up quickly after a referral from the doc because of her history. This gives us something but obviously we hope not to get to that stage. We plan to carry on with the FBT model of treatment at home albeit without the treatment team and so without any support at all which is daunting. My daughter may not want the help right now but it was so helpful to me - just to have someone to double check with when my confidence was low. Can we do this on our own? 
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tina72
There are some options I see at the moment:
You could do FBT at home if you could get some time off work and have a private FBT therapist to help YOU (your d does not need to see him if she does not want, most of the work is your work anyway).
You could ask your d to sign a contract when she is 18. We did that with our d who is 19 now. We told her what we will do for her (pay for living, insurances, car, phone, University, all else) and what she needs to do for that (eat regularly 3 meals 2 snacks, maintain weight, go to regular weighings, see GP, talk to us and let us know about medical decisions etc).
As long as they are financially dependend you are not helpless. You could even "force" her to get into adult cahms service with that.
I know from another family that camhs also can force them into therapy by law (I do not know how that is called in UK at the moment). Depends on her state of health if that is a possibility too.
You are totally right, she does not want to be better and she will not engage into treatment but she must to get better and recovery. Against her will if necessary.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Emma_Olive1
Thank you tina72. Yes I agree that we do still have some control as she is dependant on us financially etc and she knows this and since resetting the boundaries and making it very clear what we expect she is eating most of what we give her. I stopped working a year ago to care for her which makes things a bit tight but I will have a look into a private FBT therapist in the area. x
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teecee
Yes you can do this without them. Let’s face it when CAHMS are involved the amount of time with them a week (we are talking hours) compared to the days we care for them when sick is not comparable. We underestimate ourselves as parents/carers when in fact we are the experts. 
Unfortunately my D will be financially independent of us in a few months but this does not worry me as, if needs be I will contact college/university Safeguarding Dept if I need to to explain their responsibility towards her if they allow her to study with them if she becomes seriously unwell again. The last thing she would want is to be stopped from completing her studies however if that’s what it takes I will do it as I love her too much to see her throw her life away.  At the moment we are only moving forwards positively however if that were to change the gloves would come off, so to speak! 
You are her best carer....end of. Virtual hugs and strength xx
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Emma_Olive1
Oh Thank you teecee - so good to have your support. It's really tough and just seems surreal that we will have no more support from them just when we need it most again. They were such a nice team and so good to know they were there. The system is stupid! Who really is a grown up at 18?? x
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kazi67
Hi Emma
my d is now 20  (dx17)) and still needs our support
if and when  you get your referral make sure you get your permission on paper (think there is a form of some sort to fill out) which allows you to be involved/informed of treatment
My d now 20 but admitted adult ED services at 18 and in her emergency admission into hospital we missed this opportunity and now we are no longer involved “on paper” meaning team tell us nothing (even though we support d)
This just makes it more difficult for us the parents and to me seems to give ED control and I second guess everything 
i find too it causes SO many unnecessary arguements  between me and my d
it would be so much better if we were included it also makes us feel as we are to blame which I know 100 percent we are not!!!

and of course they are NOT magically an adult at 18
my d still struggles at 20 needing constant guidance, encouragement and support
be a dolphin 
x
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teecee
No thanks needed at all....I feel we were in the same boat as you...lovely CAMHS team who were fabulous and supportive in the crisis but do not have the resources to support in the long term. Only a few months ago my D was begging for the Dietician to just ring her so she could hear the professional giving her the spoken advice (even though we say the same) to enable her to counter narrative the ED when having a challenging day....you would have thought we were asking for the Crown Jewels! 
When we needed written support for college they are straight on it but bizzarely they don’t seem to do support by telephone...such a shame. It upset me at the time because I think that one simple thing could have just made life a little bit easier for us all at the time however she is doing well herself with our support.... but only because we look after ourselves now to prevent carer burnout again. 
Keep swimming and come here for support. As Tina says, you can get the answers here and tell her the ‘professionals’ have said this and that (without telling her it’s us parents !!)
virtual hugs xx
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tina72
My friends d is in adult cahms service and they are great there. Maybe worth to ask how to get her in alhough she might not want it at the moment? My friends d was forced to do it free willingly or they would go to court with that.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Emma_Olive1
Thank you for all the support. I keep hearing you guys mention Adult CAMHS..... Is there not just CAMHS and then Adult services?
And teecee - I am definitely suffering with carer burnout! BUT I have taken steps recently to get help myself.... I'm just so worried that it will be even harder now that there is no team....
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tina72
My friend is on holiday at the moment so I cannot ask her but I am sure there will be others from UK soon to answer that question. I only know that she first was on an adolescent IP and is now in adult IP. Still under cahms as far as I know.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Hendrixt
[QUOTE username=Emma_Olive1 userid=6695319 postid=1309242355]Thank you for all the support. I keep hearing you guys mention Adult CAMHS..... Is there not just CAMHS and then Adult services


You’re right Emma as CAMHS stands for Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services. They move from CAMHS to adult mental health services at some point. I think it differs from area to area but it’s usually when they reach 18yrs (as we all know they suddenly become an adult at that age - NOT !! 😉)  . CAHMS are supposed to help with the transition but I’ve heard the effectiveness of this can be quite patchy
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