F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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Turnbulltj
So our D has been assessed by the hospital today as a tier 4 admission. 

Me and my wife know it is for the best but how do you convince a 14 year old who is convinced she can do it on her own.

She feels that it is going to rip her world apart and totally destroy any social life she has struggled to make. She also is saying that it will make her condition worse and totally mess with her head. 

ED is really strong and will not relinquish control. We know it's a necessary step but still rips your heart out to see D like this.

I suppose this post is more for us really to know how to deal with pre-hospital, between now (assessment day) and admittance.

Feeling low.
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Foodsupport_AUS
I don't think you need to convince her at all, rather move forward as though this is what is going to happen and there is no question that it is the wrong decision. You have been at this for a while now and so far things are not improving. She needs to be gaining weight regularly week in week out. She has been leaving large amounts of her meal "plan". 

As much as possible I would not get into an argument about it, but if she is arguing then the only way to convince you would be for her to eat all the meal plan as YOU think it needs to be with a view to gaining 1kg per week. If she can manage this prior to admission to hospital may be she really doesn't need it. Often it will be a while till a bed becomes available, my D just stopped eating when she found out she needed admission so be prepared to have a trip to Emergency. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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tina72
Turnbulltj wrote:

Me and my wife know it is for the best but how do you convince a 14 year old who is convinced she can do it on her own.
She feels that it is going to rip her world apart and totally destroy any social life she has struggled to make. She also is saying that it will make her condition worse and totally mess with her head. 


Try to keep her eating until the admission to that she will not go further down if possible. Some stop eating and drinking totally before admission (mine did) and that is a case for ER if that happens.

To be honest the IP will mess up her social life and rip her world apart. But that is due to AN. Blame the disease for that.
Tell her that she can come home as soon as possible when she is WR and can eat normal again. And that you love her and want her back home as soon as possible but that she is not safe in that bad state at home at the moment.

Try to reload your batteries when she is IP. I hope you will not need to wait too long. Did they tell you any time line?
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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scaredmom
This is a very trying time, indeed and I echo all that was said above. I really wish they would admit on the same day as they think about it. That way there is less time to fret.

This is a turning point and absolutely needed. You can’t convince her, just be confident that this is the right decision and that all is fine. Even if you are shaking in your boots. 

Try to get the food,in all of what you feel she needs to gain. And yes what Foodsupport says ,if she gains, then that is the ticket out of admission.

XXX
Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Turnbulltj
tina72 wrote:


Try to reload your batteries when she is IP. I hope you will not need to wait too long. Did they tell you any time line?


We have heard today that she is being admitted at 10.00AM on Monday at Newbridge House, Sutton Coldfield.

That hasn't gone down at all well. And after a massive rant and rage on the way back home from todays Camhs session she is now giving us the silent treatment.

But ........ head has got to rule heart. Keeping strong (for now !)

😥
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tina72
I think Monday is a good date. Only this weekend to survive 🙂. She will never be compliant about that and she does not need to like it. Most important is that she is safe there and they help her there.
When you drive there on Monday make sure all car doors are locked, we have kids here that tried to escape from a running car. And she might tra to escape from home so please supervise her very well. And be prepared that she might refuse to eat and drink at all now, then take her to ER.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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scaredmom
Hi Turnbulltj,
Just thinking about you and hope all is well.
I know today was a big day.
XXX
Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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