F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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KLB
It’s been a year since I found this forum and started posting. Probably, the hardest, most distressing year of my life if I’m honest. We’re still trying to push through that dark tunnel but the light is getting nearer I feel. We’re at a bmi of 20.2 after weigh in this week. He has gained nearly 14kg over the past year and we have fought so hard for every single gram of that. It’s taken a long time but I really feel we’re approaching weight restoration. Another 2 or 3 kg and I think we’ll be there.....so probably another 4-6 weeks. He gains so slowly despite the large amount of calories. We still have a lot of work to do.....tackling fear foods, reintroduction of swim training, reintroduction to school, ED behaviours/thoughts/rituals, independent eating, hunger cues etc but I believe that will become easier with weight restoration. We have done things quite differently to many people but it’s working for us. We’ve re-fed almost exclusively on safe foods and we’ve prescribed exercise activities to manage the exercise compulsion and this is how we’ve got the weight going on consistently, slowly, probably slower than people recommend, but it’s been consistent. And I think that’s what really matters. 

It took me a long time to realise that you have to do what works for your child, your family and your circumstances. There is no one size fits all. Take the tools and adapt them to fit your child’s situation. We still have a long way to go in our journey to recovery but I think we’re nearly over the first hurdle, which a year ago seemed utterly impossible to achieve. 

Thank you you to all who have offered help, advice and support over the past year. I don’t think we’d be where we are today without this forum. 
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Enn

KLB,
Thank you for this update. I am pleased things are going in the right direction for your son! You have found what is working and that is the key!
You highlight something that took me a long time to realize: that it truly is not one size fits all. Otherwise all would get to a certain point at exactly the same time- we know that is not true. What works for one does not work for all . Every ED, every family, every child, is unique. That is so important! I learn here everyday from all the people who share their experience and hard won knowledge and expertise! 
Your story adds to the text book of ED. We can all learn from your example!

Sending my best,

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Kali
KLB

Thanks for stopping by with your update. It is so wonderful to know that things have gotten better for your son after the events that he and your family have been through. Sending vitual hugs and cheering you on!

warmly,

Kali
Food=Love
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Mamaroo
That's just great KLB, you've all come so far. Thanks for the update!
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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Ellenc1
KLB,I followed your story last year, when we were in our darkest days,and have recently thought about how you and your family are doing. I really am so pleased for you that things are looking up.you are doing amazingly well, keep it up😘
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ValentinaGermania
KLB, that is really great news! How is your son doing mentally? Are you seeing little glimpses of himself again? How is your relationship now?
I think it is time to open that little champagne bottle on my cupboard here! Not at 9:36 a.m. but maybe tonight? Will you join me?

You are definitivly my warrior of the year! I raise my hat!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Ellesmum
KLB, I’m so happy to read your update, I think of your family often and you’ve done an amazing job.  I hope the positive curve continues and you begin to see real healing. I also hope you are able to get a little time for yourself xx
Ellesmum
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mid73
That post has made my day KLB. I have often wondered how you were getting on. Absolutely fantastic news.  I  honestly don’t know how you have all managed it. Good Luck as you keep carrying on! X
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Foodsupport_AUS
Wonderful to hear your update. You have done some amazing work over the course of the year. Absolutely everyone has their own journey. There is not just one way to get there. I hope that as well as the weight gain your son is slowly coming back to you. You are doing an amazing job of re-feeding. Teen boys eat a lot normally. Teen boys recovering even more. Teen boys recovering who are athletes, now that is a lot of food. Cheering you on. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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kazi67
KLB
so lovely to hear of your good news!
keep up the great work feeding your gorgeous boy
so true that although many of our journeys are similar they can be so different 
hope your taking care of yourself too!!
x
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deenl
So wonderful to read your update. I love the message that we have to find our own way. We did that in our family and our son gained slowly but consistently also. I have such respect for all the work you, your husband and brother-in-law (many other friends and family too probably) have done not only in practical terms but also in the mental work of figuring what would work in your challenging situation. And your poor son, to have such a serious version of the illness is so unfair but I hope that in time there will be many silver linings and life lessons for him to benefit from.

I do hope that you continue to pop in and if you have the time or energy to post on threads where the more standard approach is not working. It would be so helpful for those with the 'even more difficult than usual' presentations of the illness.

Well, well done and best of luck in the ongoing journey,

D
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
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teecee
KLB that’s a big WOW from me....what an horrendous year and what a journey. I am really hopeful that lots of positives will show themselves in the next year/s for your family. 
We are all unique and have to find what’s right for us. I, like you, introduced some exercise to counteract the depression/suicidal thoughts as my Ds life prior to AN (from 6yrs) involved many hours of performance tennis training. She decided to try tennis again about 3 weeks ago but with a new coach/environment and has refound her passion. She commented that she carries some ED behaviours every day (which she is still actively challenging) however for the first time she said she was completely free of ED in her tennis lesson (1 x a week). 
She had a period of only eating ‘safe foods’ and was never going to eat cake/desserts again as they “weren’t needed” however she is regularly including ice cream, cake etc in her diet now. We repeat the mantra ‘EVERYTHING in moderation’ and it seems to be penetrating the ED. 
Continue being fabulous but more importantly be fabulous to yourself too 😊💕
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edengirl
KLB I think of you and your family often.  I remember clearly reading your posts in the same early days when we too were just really coming to terms with what we were all up against.  You have never given up and have been brave enough to try the "road less traveled" in many cases to save your son's life.  Never underestimate the power of a parent's love for their child!  Your a warrior!❤
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edhater
KLB, congratulations on this significant progress. You are an incredible mom. You are so right, that while all of our stories have many horrifying similarities; no two stories are the same. I think one of the main reasons FBT works is because nobody knows their own child like their parents, so nobody is better equipped to help them recover. You and your husband cannot go wrong because of the love you have for your S. "Feedback, not failure" has become my mantra since I met my D's ED. Nobody has more invested in a child than their parents. Don't forget to take care of you, too. 
Food is medicine... one mouthful at a time.
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Mcmum
Thanks so much for posting.  Your experience has moved so many of us. It's a testament to your family's love and perseverance that you're here now. You've come such a long way.  Keep up the brilliant work. You have inspired me in many ways xx
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