F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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SpiritedPossibility
Hello everyone,

We are about to start Maudsley Treatment as a family on January 14th in an intensive outpatient hospital setting.  My daughter has always been fiercely independent and has fought for control since she was a tiny, little girl.  I'm nervous about treatment and want to it to help with all of my heart.  What has your experience been like with Maudsley and has it helped your child?

Thank you in advance for any replies.

Blessings,
S P
17 year old D - diagnosed with bulimia at beginning of December, 2018.  Has been bingeing and purging for a little over a year without our knowledge. Beginning outpatient hospital ED clinic which uses Maudsley Approach in January of 2019.
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Ronson
I think most of us are doing a version of fbt or maudsley. We did it at home (and still are). My d is also fiercely independent; however I have noticed that with the Ed has come some need for my help. I think she knows she needs me to fight the Ed. It was very hard to start off with and there was huge resistance; but after persevering for some time it has all improved. I’ve not had any experience of doing it in a hospital setting though. I would imagine you will initially get support around meal times to learn the techniques to use at home which could be very useful. We have all found Eva’s book very helpful as a starter also. I think it is a case of finding what works for you and your family which will take time and trial and error. Wishing you all the best.

R
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SpiritedPossibility
Thank you so much for your reply, Ronson.  My D, my husband and myself will be experiencing the Maudsley Approach but it will be in an outpatient format.  We will be working with a nurse practitioner, a family therapist, a nutritionist and a psychiatrist. Our daughter will still be in high school full time, but will miss some classes as we take her to appointments at the hospital's Eating Disorders Clinic.  We don't have our first appointment until January 14th and I am hopeful but also anxious.  I believe that our D is motivated to get well, but she does not share information or emotions easily with us and has had a very, very emotionally difficult 1 1/2 years as she was in what she now understands was an emotionally abusive relationship with her first boyfriend (that relationship has been over for 7 months but I believe the effects are still haunting her).  Thankfully she has always been open to attending therapy and has consistently been responsive and engaged during sessions.  I guess I am most nervous about the degree to which she will have to allow us "in" as part of the FB treatment.  It is so hard to watch her still fully engaged in her ED rituals while we wait for the treatment program to start.

Thanks again for your response and I am happy to hear that your D is doing well.

S P
17 year old D - diagnosed with bulimia at beginning of December, 2018.  Has been bingeing and purging for a little over a year without our knowledge. Beginning outpatient hospital ED clinic which uses Maudsley Approach in January of 2019.
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Foodsupport_AUS
We did not do FBT here and D has AN, but there is increasing evidence of the benefits of FBT as a treatment for BN as well as AN.

One thing about FBT is that it does not require the person with the eating disorder to necessarily want to get better. It does require a lot of work from the families and often to get our children better we have to parent in ways that seem unusual or abnormal. I think it is common for children who have eating disorders of all types to be described as stubborn, strong willed etc. It seems to go with the illness. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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Ronson
Hi - it is encouraging that she is motivated to get well. My d was not and I was shocked by the levels of resistance we got from her - smashed plates, broken chairs, violence. It was awful. Be prepared that although she may seem motivated to get well that may change when the reality hits her that she will need to eat properly and regularly. It is good you will have the support around you - we did not have that; although we see camhs they did not provide any actual meal time support. You may have to change your style of parenting and parent in a way that can be very challenging. Make time for yourself in it all - it is very stressful and you will need self care x
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SpiritedPossibility
Thank you, Ronson.  Knowing I can hear feedback from parents who have lived this brings me such hope.
S P
17 year old D - diagnosed with bulimia at beginning of December, 2018.  Has been bingeing and purging for a little over a year without our knowledge. Beginning outpatient hospital ED clinic which uses Maudsley Approach in January of 2019.
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SpiritedPossibility
Thank you for your reply, Foodsupport....I found your statement that many kids with EDs are described as stubborn and strong-willed very interesting.  We are so new to this journey that hearing insight from other parents is very helpful.  Hearing that our parenting strategies will likely change and may feel uncomfortable is scary but helpful as it is prepping me for what is to come...
Many thanks,S P
17 year old D - diagnosed with bulimia at beginning of December, 2018.  Has been bingeing and purging for a little over a year without our knowledge. Beginning outpatient hospital ED clinic which uses Maudsley Approach in January of 2019.
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Ronson
Spirited possibility - sorry I didn’t see it was for bulimia (the full thread title cuts off on my phone). Ours was for ran - but I imagine the techniques are much the same; ensuring consistency in food and three meals and three snacks. And I imagine the difficulty may well be similar. I think accepting that your parenting may need to change can be difficult but you will find what works for you. I find it difficult that my friends who are mums don’t need to check in so much - can let their kids lie in and not worry about breakfast etc; or let them stay on at a friends without needing them home for a meal. But you do get used to it and it gets easier. How old is your d? Mine is 13
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scaredmom
Dear SpiritedPossibility,

I see you are in Canada and if with CMHA,you should get evidence based therapy. So with what you are saying above, I think that is good. There should be a lot of education for you as the primary care providers, (they can only support and you will need to "do" at home), they should also offer you support personally if you are struggling with your own emotions or what to do. At the beginning, it is not about getting "buy in" from your child so please don't worry if she may not wish to "participate" fully.  Treating ED is hard.Many of us have had to change our parenting styles from being collaborative (? not sure that is the right word) into compassionate dictators,( I think that was Mamaroo's term and I love it) at least I needed to.  You will learn a lot about how strong YOU are to handle this. 

Keep posting and let us know how it is going. We are always willing to help with our experience.
XXX


When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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SpiritedPossibility
Hi Ronson,Our D has just turned 17 and we discovered at the beginning of this past December that she had been bingeing and purging for a little over a year - many times per week..  I'm glad to hear it will get easier.  I'm not sure my daughter is prepared for how things are going to change...I think it will get rougher before it gets better...but my husband and I are committed and will do whatever is needed to help our D heal and recover.  Your D is so young - it must be so very difficult to see your young child struggling.  My thoughts are with you,(((hugs))))S  P
17 year old D - diagnosed with bulimia at beginning of December, 2018.  Has been bingeing and purging for a little over a year without our knowledge. Beginning outpatient hospital ED clinic which uses Maudsley Approach in January of 2019.
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SpiritedPossibility
Thank you so much for your reply, ScaredMom.  We are feeling incredibly fortunate to be able to access free Maudsley/FBT out of a nearby hospital.  Our D will be able to stay in high school full time while she and we complete the treatment.  We - as parents - will also have access to a parent support group which I think will help immeasurably, as, until I found FEAST, I was feeling very, very alone.  I like the words "compassionate dictator" : )  I am ready...I know it will be unbelievably difficult, but my H and I will do whatever it takes.  Our D wants to move out and begin university in the fall, so healing and recovery must begin now.
Thank you again for your support.
(((hugs))
S P
17 year old D - diagnosed with bulimia at beginning of December, 2018.  Has been bingeing and purging for a little over a year without our knowledge. Beginning outpatient hospital ED clinic which uses Maudsley Approach in January of 2019.
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Ronson
Thank you sp. yes she is young and it seems to have been such a long journey. It’s good to be aware how difficult it can be - I wasn’t at all and got a bit blind sided. This forum has guided us through some very difficult times; I hope it will prove useful to you too. It’s good that you have access to the parent support group - that will be hugely helpful. X
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debra18
I used a Maudsley Method style approach for my daughter . But she has Anorexia and was out 11 when she became sick. You said she will be continuing in school full time. With this approach, you will need to feed her 6 times a day and monitor her after she eats to prevent purging. I was able to have my daughter supervised by teachers in school, but most people here have had to keep their kids home from school to be supervised for meals.
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SpiritedPossibility
Hi Debra18,
Thank you for your reply.  Even though we haven't started the ED clinic that uses Maudsley yet (first appt is in two weeks), I've become aware of what you mention about supervision of meals etc.  I'm very lucky right now, as my teaching schedule for this term (I am a professor at a nearby college) allows me to be home during breakfast and I can go to the high school - if need be - to sit with her while she eats lunch.  My husband will be home for dinners when I am not and will be able to supervise then and for the evening.  I know it will not be easy.  Thankfully my sister and brother in law live in our town and can be brought on board for meal time and non-purging supervision as well.
I hope your daughter is doing well - this disorder is a beast.
(((hugs)))S P
17 year old D - diagnosed with bulimia at beginning of December, 2018.  Has been bingeing and purging for a little over a year without our knowledge. Beginning outpatient hospital ED clinic which uses Maudsley Approach in January of 2019.
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debra18
Yes, thank you. My daughter is doing well now. But it is a very long process.
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AUSSIEedfamily
Dear SpiritedPossibility,

Dr Walter Kaye does mention Bulimia in this video  https://www.edfaevents.com/blog/neurobiology-of-eating-disorders

You might find it of some interest
ED Dad
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SpiritedPossibility
Thank you!
S P
17 year old D - diagnosed with bulimia at beginning of December, 2018.  Has been bingeing and purging for a little over a year without our knowledge. Beginning outpatient hospital ED clinic which uses Maudsley Approach in January of 2019.
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