F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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We are 36 hours away from starting a full time outpatient programme and D now saying she refuses to go. We have been struggling through hours and hours of protracted eating to get a few morsels in to keep her out of hospital constantly losing weight in order to join this programme (with advice of CAMHS who turned her down for IP).

What should I say to her? What should we do? The “rhino” approach of “well you have to go” doesn’t work as she says unless sectioned she has to agree to go (we had to call police last time to get her to a&e). The rational approach “better for you to have your freedom and be OP” doesn’t work as says she doesn’t care as has no life anyway. Consequences don’t work “you think I care about my phone/laptop when I’d rather be dead than go on this programme and eat?”. Any suggestions of what to say/do?
Just take her. Don't have any more discussions about it as it only makes her more anxious. My older d is quite anxious and when I ask her to do something or go somewhere for an activity, she would cry and complain. But afterwards, she would say how good it was and how glad she was that I insisted she went/did the activity.

ED will turn everything you say into a negative, unfortunately. Do you have anyone who could come with you on Monday so that you could have more support? The first day will be the hardest and if your d can get through it, the rest will be easier.
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
To a large degree I would avoid discussing it. At the moment she is terrified. Terrified to attend because they will insist that she eat and terrified to gain weight. All normal if you have AN. Entering into the conversation to persuade her is just not going to cut it. 

So lots of hmmm's may be better than any discussion about it over the next 36 hours.
On the day though - start as though she means to go. Early if possible. If she truly baulks and refuses to get into the car or get ready at that point is when you have further discussions. Having some assistance there is also a good idea. Acknowledge she is frightened, acknowledge that she doesn't want to go but also say that she needs to attend treatment. If she is not eating well then does she need emergency assessment instead? Contact CAMHS with a view to working on how she can be sectioned. Be firm she will have treatment and the options are she goes willingly or you will work as hard as you can to have it enforced. Be prepared to call the police again. She went to emergency with the police last time, don't be scared to use that again. 
Often once she is truly backed into a corner she will be able to move forward. Imagine it this way. Her eating disorder is telling her not to go. They only way she can go is if there is no choice, then she can tell her eating disorder she didn't have a choice, she had to go. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
I agree with all the above. Don’t discuss it, she has to go and that is that. If necessary she will have to be carried to the car and taken. Do you have a plan for this? Have you spoken with camhs about her refusal to go? I would be prepared for the day so there were people there to help - police if necessary. Once she understands there is no choice it will be easier - at the moment she is looking for you to back down.

When you say she doesn’t respond to consequences - have you taken phone/I pad etc. My d used to say the same kind of things - but after a couple hours of no phone and no I pad she would start to respond to it.

Here it helped to fake that I am convinced she will go and that I am convinced that not going is no option. Only option was to go (here it was with IP).
I would also have some adult help for that day (best would be a male relative) or call the police if needed.

If the law says she does not need to go unless sectioned (I do not know how it is in your state) I would tell her then you will get her sectioned if that is needed.

But I also would try to not discuss it at the moment and just take her on day x early in the morning. Think about waking her up two hours earlier than normal and hope that ED is not awake for a big fight...

Keep us updated how it went!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.