F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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cm72
Hello. We are progressing nicely through the refeeding stage at home. She's eating pretty much anything I put in front of her although each day I give her an option to pick a meal or a snack and she always goes to the same two things: cereal or a bagel sandwich. But we still challenge her with other foods and she's doing ok.
So now we are working on getting her to eat out. We go out about once a week and have been doing so for about a month. We told her last night she was going somewhere and she freaked out, begged to do it today which was fine with us. Well today we told her we were going out for lunch and then a museum. She ended up throwing paint everywhere and cried for hours on end. I think I will have to physically pick her up and put her in the car to go and then i'm sure it will be nonstop fits wherever we go.
Any suggestions? Do I push through this? Take it a lot slower? 
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Foodsupport_AUS
Great job on getting started on tackling the fear response of going out. I started my D going out first but took food with us initially then moved on to actually choosing off a menu. 

As for today, I think you have to go ahead. Otherwise ED learns that pitching a fit is going to get her out of the challenge. Could you go somewhere she has successfully been to before? Unless you have already said where you are going, in which case you should go. Clearly the idea of going out like this is very anxiety provoking for here. It says there is a lot of work to do, but unfortunately the only way is through. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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scaredmom
Hope you did go out. Agree with Foodsupport above.
I recall when we went out for dinner the first time I knew she was anxious but wished to appear normal in front of strangers and held it together. 
I hope that works for your d. These are normal thing you are doing and with more exposure this should get better. 
I was prepared for the worst just in case. Dad or I would remove her if needed from a situation and we have taken two cars at times. 
Well actually we did need  two cars to remove the other kids from another situation but just once.
i am sorry it is so hard and you have done such a great job! 
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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debra18
Maybe you could get take out and bring it home and the next time go to the same place and get the same food and eat it there?
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Ronson
We pushed through it.  She didn’t want to go places and there was huge anxiety.  As others have said we took meals with us to start as to go somewhere and eat somewhere was just too much.  So we took a safe packed lunch.  We then worked up to packed lunch and tea out somewhere.  But again somewhere safe - McDs is d safe option.   And then more recently we have worked up to eating out a bit more varied.  To be honest as a family previously we would normally have taken a packed lunch as it was cheaper so this isn’t too unusual for us.  We’ve now got to the stage where we still take a packed lunch but don’t take safe snacks - we will buy one there and she will choose an ice cream or sweet.  Going places isn’t scary now and I’m glad we pushed through it as I think it was really important to get her back to normal socialisation.  This afternoon she will go out with friends and eat a snack with them - she is much happier.  
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tina72
We did it that way:
First we took some food from a restaurant we have been to a hundred times before at home and ate it there.
Then we went to that restaurant and ordered the same meal there.
Then we tried a new restaurant and took the food home first. We read the menu online and we decided what she would like.
Then we went to that new restaurant and had the same meal there.

Now in year 2 we do it that way: if we want to eat out we check the menu online (and try to find a restaurant were the calories are not on the menu 🙂).
We tell her before that we will go (than can be short before now) and she can chose what to eat online at home. Then we go there and she orders what she has chosen.
Same with lunch at University, she checks before she goes what she wants to eat and then just needs to order it.
That works here. It took some time to be relaxed with it but now that is no problem any more. She even can cope when her planned menu is out and she needs to decide for another one spontanously.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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debra18
The first time we went to the pizza place my daughter ordered a potato and vegetable soup (safe foods). The man told me when I was paying  "don't forget to pay for the skinny girl's potato and soup." I replied "soon she will be eating pizza too". He didn't have any idea of what I was talking about but surprisingly to me she was eating pizza there faster than I imagined. The next time we went she ate whole wheat pizza and the next time was regular pizza. Now she eats pizza without a problem.
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melstevUK
cm72,

Tina's way offers a solution - check out the menu online first so that d can make her choices before you go.  That will take a lot of the stress out of the situation.  It can be tricky as a lot of menus do show calorie counts but you could either choose a place which doesn't do that, or just let her choose and ensure she chooses a combination of food which gives you her the calories she needs.  
Believe you can and you're halfway there.
Theodore Roosevelt.
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scaredmom
cm72 wrote:
Hello. We are progressing nicely through the refeeding stage at home. She's eating pretty much anything I put in front of her although each day I give her an option to pick a meal or a snack and she always goes to the same two things: cereal or a bagel sandwich. But we still challenge her with other foods and she's doing ok.
So now we are working on getting her to eat out. We go out about once a week and have been doing so for about a month. We told her last night she was going somewhere and she freaked out, begged to do it today which was fine with us. Well today we told her we were going out for lunch and then a museum.  


cm72,
just so I comprehend your question. Is it about going to restaurants and new foods or going out in general? 
you wrote that you have been going out once per week for the last month to eat already? 
So to ensure my first reply was appropriate do you mean how to handle the anxiety of going out or going out and eating or what  she would eat when you go out? I can see three possible interpretations for your post above. Maybe it is all of those possibilities?
thanks in advance for the clarification.
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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