F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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Pingu
So she's lost a significant amount today 
Camhs are concerned a d have warned about readmission  She's been home less than 2 months
Devastated 
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tina72
No other help from cahms than this warning? This will lead to nothing, she will not change her behaviour. Please ask them to set a bottom line for readmission, it might be needed. Maybe better get her into IP another time and have a better start then to lose even more weight...
It is so exhausting. I can imagine that you are devastated...
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Pingu
Thanks s tina
I can't even cry
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tina72
Oh, I know. No tears left any more. Just so tired. I can imagine how you must feel.
Can you do something nice for yourself? Have a bath? A cup of coffee?
Can you have a friend around?
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Pingu
Wine is my poison today 
All that hard work for nothing 
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tina72
I hope this helps a bit. Sometimes alcohol is needed 🙂.
It is not for nothing. You have learned a lot in these weeks. It is just such a hard fight and it is really not easy.
She should have been truely WR before sending her home. They should have helped you with a good transmission and a plan and a contract for readmission if she is not compliant. Cahms seems to be a lottery thing...
Bad planned transmission at home is the most common cause for a relapse in my experience. It is not your fault that cahms lets you down. Your poor girl has to take the consequences of their bad plan. Is there any chance to change the team or get to another IP the next time where they probably help you better?
One battle might be lost but not the war. Try to care for yourself a bit today and tomorrow is a new day for a new battle.
You are a great mum. It is just too hard to stand for one alone.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Pingu
Wine is my poison today 
All that hard work for nothing
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Ronson
Hope you are ok. When do they decide if she is getting readmitted? 
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Pingu
They want her to see the psych 10th May 
I kicked off and got an appt eventually 
Then were having a cpa supposedky
But they have broached it with her and that's telling. 
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Ronson
that is still a while - will she be weighed again before then ? 
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mjkz
Do you think this is something you can turn around or does she need to go back?  Seriously there is no shame in going back and all that hard work is never for nothing!!   You now know the areas you need to work on if you can't turn this around again.  If you think you can, then do it.  Go back to the rules of inpatient and fight.  If you think she needs to go back, let it happen and start planning on how to prevent her from needing to go back.
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kazi67
Pingu
i was a basket case on my d second IP admission, I was devastated, felt like we had completely failed 
she has recently been discharged from hospital 
she still has ups and downs but the second IP stay has made a big difference 
i see it in her, she still has struggles BUT she is choosing life now
Remember that recovery is not a straight line 
thinking of you
stay strong, look after yourself 
x
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Kali
Pingu, sometimes there can be more than one admission and a long protracted period of treatment. It needs to somehow be made clear that she needs to eat whether it happens at home or in inpatient. If she can't eat at home then you have the option for her to go back. As they say here, feedback, not failure. And the eating disorder may be very strong right now and may need a higher level of care. The important things are that she is safe, and that she is getting help and nourishment, and that you do not exhaust yourself so that you will be able to have the energy to manage this very tricky and difficult situation.

Thinking of you, warrior mama. You are doing hero's work even though it may not feel like it right this moment.

Kali 
Food=Love
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Pingu
Thanks everyone  
My situation is further complicated by her having shared care with her father.  She's unsupervised there and whilst I've managed to get weight on at our house she's lost at his. He also said a recent meal was too big even though dietician said yesterday it was perfect proportions  
When she gets admitted I'm goi g to go for full custody .. Just need her to be in a supported place before we do the court thing again. 
Camhs gave her Co trol back way too early and ED is revelling in it. She's had no psychological support since original discharge
I just feel panic at the minute
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tina72
"Camhs gave her Co trol back way too early and ED is revelling in it. She's had no psychological support since original discharge"
That is not your fault and needs to be adressed. Can you send a written complain about that?

"When she gets admitted I'm goi g to go for full custody"
I really think you need to do that. He has prooved that he is no help. You have NO CHANCE to get her refed in this situation. You cannot be asked to do smething that is impossible.

Try to stay calm. I know it is hard. But the war is not lost at the moment. Take breath and think about your options and what you can do.
Think about calling Eva Musby. Maybe she can help.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Pingu
Does Eva speak to parents? 
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CED123
yes, you can book an appointment via her webpage.

sorry you are having such a tough time.
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CED123
https://anorexiafamily.com/individual-support/
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tina72
Eva speaks to everyone 😁, she is a very nice and compassionate person and well known in the british ED world and she has very precious contacts so yes, get in contact with her!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Pingu
Tha ks all I'm gonna be speaking to Eva next week so hopefully have some hope
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tina72
Eva is the best and she will give you more hope and some good ideas I am sure.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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sk8r31
Hang in there Pingu.  Eva is lovely; I'm sure she'll provide some great support for you.
Sending warm support,
sk8r31
It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
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melstevUK
Hi Pingu,

I was a 'guinea pig' for Eva when she was starting out her journey of supporting parents through telephone calls or Skype.  She is fantastic at helping you unburden yourself.  I wasn't particularly looking for ideas about my own d at the time.  I just felt exhausted and useless and needed someone to share my fears with and Eva was so comforting. If she can help you find answers she will do, but if you just need support and someone to tell you that you are going to be ok and that you are doing fine - she is equally brilliant.
It maybe worth deciding how you want her help - to fight your h and resolve the issue around his undermining what you are doing; to make you feel less helpless; to look for positive ways to help your d.  
Having a focus for any therapeutic session always helps.
Believe you can and you're halfway there.
Theodore Roosevelt.
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NELLY_UK
In my experience don’t take this as failure, this is the path it can take- often. What you really don’t want is her reaching an age when they don’t offer IP and it becomes voluntary when she is not recovered. Our CAMHs threatened re admission but never carried through, oh how I wish they had. My D was 15 at the time and they let it go, then the law changes at 16 and even more so as they approach 18. Now we have a severely enduring case of bulimia - 8 years on. 
Please don’t see this as failure. Take as much help as possible while you still can. 
NELLY D 20 bulimic since age 12, diagnosed in 2011. 20 months useless CAMHs,7 months great IP, home March 14..... more useless CAMHs.now an adult & no MH services are involved. I reached the end of my tether, tied a knot in it and am hanging on. ED/Bulimia treatmentis in the dark ages in West Sussex.
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