F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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ML0101
21 years old daughter has anoreixa and is refusing treatment.  I have conservatorship from the court for my daughter. No programs would accept my daughter because she needs to be willing to get better.  My daughter weight is 76 pounds.  Any programs or doctors that can help my daughter
JJ perez
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ValentinaGermania
Hi and a very warm welcome from Germany. Sorry that you have to be here.

Your d is severly ill. Is she monitored by a doc? Sounds as if she is not medically stable at the moment. If so, have you already tried to feed her at home? Is she eating anything you serve? Can you sneak in some butter, cream and oil in the food she is eating? She really needs to gain some weight very quick.

Are you able to get her to the 5 day programm at UCSD? They help familes to get started with refeeding there and I think they have a program for young adults.

Tina72
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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sk8r31
Another warm welcome to you!  I have sent a private email to you, & can help you change your username if you wish.


It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
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ML0101
tina72 wrote:
Hi and a very warm welcome from Germany. Sorry that you have to be here.

Your d is severly ill. Is she monitored by a doc? Sounds as if she is not medically stable at the moment. If so, have you already tried to feed her at home? Is she eating anything you serve? Can you sneak in some butter, cream and oil in the food she is eating? She really needs to gain some weight very quick.

Are you able to get her to the 5 day programm at UCSD? They help familes to get started with refeeding there and I think they have a program for young adults.

Tina72
JJ perez
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ML0101
Thanks Tina

Yes she is being seen by a a dr. every week.  She does eat but dinner lunch have to be measured and breakfast.  She refuses to eat fats, no peanut butter cream, oil etc.  I do put oil when i grill her chicken or salmon.  Thanks i will call UCSD.  She has been to eating disorder programs.  The problem is when she is released she starts loosing weight.
JJ perez
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Foodsupport_AUS
Welcome to the forum. It sounds as though your D may have been sick for some time since you mention conservatorship. You don't mention where in the world  you are so we are limited to even know what may be available to you. Have you spoken to your lawyer about your options for compulsory treatment and sought out where that would available. What does the doctor she is seeing at present say about her medical stability and the need for higher level of care. 

It is common and normal in most jurisdictions for people to voluntarily be in treatment, particularly as adults but sometimes much younger than that. Most systems however also have options for compulsory treatment. Good therapists and treatment providers can often engage someone who is unwilling to help them stay in treatment even when they are not well engaged in the recovery process. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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ML0101
Hi My D has had anorexia since she was 13 years old.  All this began when she was bullied at school. she has been to been to Rady's  Childrens hospital (eating disorder) in San Diego and Standford Children's Hospital in Mountain View CA.  The problem with my daughter is that she doesn't want to recover.  At the moment she has a dr., therapist and attending and AAA eating disorder group on Mondays.  It's been a long journey trying to help my daughter.  I feel like i am running out of resources.  I have called eating disorder treatments in CA or other states.  They told me that the patient has to be willing to get better.  Any resources or tips that can help me out.

Thanks
JJ perez
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ValentinaGermania
"The problem with my daughter is that she doesn't want to recover."
That is quite normal for ALL patients at that state. And that is the big problem with AN. They need to eat to get better and then you can help them when the brain is able to rewire all these damaged connections.

So at the beginning of recovery most of our kids needed to learn to eat again although they did not want to eat and although they did not want to recover. They do not need to want that. In FBT you get in charge of food intake and she is required to eat what you serve. That is much more difficult with an adult than with a child but I know that some parents here did that. She is dependent from you and so you set the rules. It will need a lot of power and will not get easy but that is the only way through. She cannot recover at that low state. She first needs to gain weight.

"The problem is when she is released she starts loosing weight."
That is the problem with most IP programs when there is no good transition to the home and when there is no help at home. They need help and supervision for a long time after IP and that is the secret why FBT works because it gives them a safety net at home.

Tina72

Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Foodsupport_AUS
ML0101 wrote:
Hi My D has had anorexia since she was 13 years old.  All this began when she was bullied at school. she has been to been to Rady's  Childrens hospital (eating disorder) in San Diego and Standford Children's Hospital in Mountain View CA.  The problem with my daughter is that she doesn't want to recover.  At the moment she has a dr., therapist and attending and AAA eating disorder group on Mondays.  It's been a long journey trying to help my daughter.  I feel like i am running out of resources.  I have called eating disorder treatments in CA or other states.  They told me that the patient has to be willing to get better.  Any resources or tips that can help me out.


I can see why you are feeling so exhausted given she has been ill for 8 years. My D has also been ill for that long too. She is now well on the way to recovery but like many with an eating disorder, although she hated the consequences of the illness she was too terrified to gain weight for a long time to want to recover. So many kilograms gained and lost. She has only accepted that weight gain is necessary in the last year. Ultimately to fully recover yes they do need to work at it, particularly at this age and stage. Our goal is to try to guide them towards it. 

Your choices at the moment seem to be between contemplating if compulsory treatment is an option - you would need to talk to her doctor about that possibility, or working with her towards motivating her to actively use treatment. It seems as though she is engaging in some form with treatment but from what you have mentioned, does her low weight mean she is not complying with any treatment plan? 

The evidence suggests that FBT may not be for you, given it is most effective in the first three years of treatment, but some parents on here have had success with home re-feeding after many years of illness. Sometimes it is the fear of heading back to institutional care that they don't want to face, in which case something such as the five day young adult program may be suitable for you. http://eatingdisorders.ucsd.edu/treatment/intensive-yatreatment.html
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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