First - welcome! I'm sorry you need to be here but I'm sure you'll be very grateful for the support. You are doing heroic work with your re-feeding on your own.
- Affection. I think this is fairly common for adolescents in general, but especially for those with anorexia or other types of illnesses. The goal is for us, as parents or caregivers, to be as compassionate as possible. It isn't often reciprocated. Compassion doesn't mean we are not firm in our expectations. The "LSUYE" (Life stops until you eat) IS compassionate. It sets priorities that our children are having difficulty setting for themselves. They need loving consistency. It sounds like you are right on track with that.
- Emotions. Again, a very age appropriate situation, amplified by the illness. What is more concerning is the self-harming. It is quite common in people with eating disorders and it is important not to over-react, but it does need to be addressed. Your life being intensively stressful is, sadly, quite normal. That is why it is so important for caregivers to practice self-care and have support through this process. ED is an incredibly isolating illness both for the individual with the ED, but also for the family. This forum helped me keep my sanity more than once. If you can find a local support group for caregivers, that can also be immensely helpful.
-treatment. The "flat stomach" things is going to need to be addressed, especially because so many with ED also have Body Dysmorphia, which means they'll probably never see themselves with a "flat enough" stomach. The body-checking should be discouraged. We took mirrors out of her room. I would suggest addressing this as early as possible in the treatment process, but it may require an outside source.
- School. I, too, am a teacher. (31 years!) I have taught mostly in the US, but did a stint years ago in the UK. I'm not sure what current procedures are for getting a meeting where all of the teachers gather to discuss a particular student, but I'd request such a meeting. The more you can make teachers your allies, the better. Your daughter won't like it. Speaking of teaching - I have a class about to start. This final advice. Remember - this is not a sprint. It will take time to recover, but recovery does happen!