F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

Join these conversations already in progress:
• Road To Recovery - Stories of Hope
• Events for Parents and Caregivers Around the World
• Free F.E.A.S.T Conference Videos

Visit the F.E.A.S.T website for information and support.

If you need help using the forum please reach out to one of the moderators (listed below), or email us at bronwen@feast-ed.org.

KyrasMom_US
My D is WR (or very close) -- we haven't been to the doctor or T in a couple of weeks because of the holidays, but we were very close to her target weight (side note: set by her FBT team, but we think it might be too low) at that time and she's been eating well over the holidays and very compliant. She's even acting more and more like her old self this past week.

I hate to hex it, but I'm worried the ED is lying in wait, ready to pounce again when our D is back to school and not with us nearly every moment of the day. 

When I asked my D how she's feeling, she hesitated and said she was feeling pretty good. I'm not sure I believe her. When I asked her if she meant it when she said her NY resolution was to get well, she answered, "It's complicated." Last night, I tried to ask her why she thinks she's had a few good days and she said she didn't want to talk about it, just enjoy it. Again, it didn't sound incredibly sincere.

Has anyone else experienced a similar thing with their child? I want to enjoy these pleasant days and her ability to eat well, laugh and have fun; but I don't want to get fooled (again) into believing we're heading toward recovery when it's just another ED trick.

One last thing, she hasn't been to her indiv. T during this time -- could not talking about the ED and simply treating it with lots of food and family support be helping or just sweeping it under the rug?

Mom of 16-y-o D diagnosed w/ ED-NOS (RAN, compulsive exercise) in May 2013. Hospitalized for 2 wks then IOP at UCSD through July. Now in FBT w/ team of therapist, pediatrician and psychiatrist (for meds.). She is WR & considered to be in recovery, though we are diligently watching her and working on relapse prevention on a weekly basis with her T. We can finally see true recovery as a real possibility [biggrin]!
Quote
alwaysvigilantCAN
My D is much more relaxed when school is not in. That's why it's so very important that when school is in that the food goes in regularly.
Your D is 15-I wouldn't put much into what she says or doesn't say at this stage.  You are still in early days-I don't want this to discourage you, but it takes lots and lots of time and patience and regular living with you making sure the loopholes stay closed. Even after weight restoration. And remember that at 15 w/r is a moving target, so keep feeding.

I personally don't think any 15 yr old in early days of weight restoration  can really put words to their experience and process it. It probably feels like you are walking a tightrope-when to pull back and when to take over. There is no easy answer-you go with your gut, but at the same time you must get to the stage where you have to let the reins out. You are in a good position because 15 is still young and you have lots of leverage.
This is when it is really important to be patient.

Is the indiv T providing a toolkit for the future, or is this therapy for processing and figuring out why the ED happened? If it's the latter, be careful-my D has written about her feelings in early days and she has confused some of the events of what has happened to her. 


It's natural to feel like you do-you are concerned about relapse. It won't always feel this way-just make sure you keep an eye on your D and monitor for loopholes.
5 years in active recovery; With many, many days of full nutrition and closed loopholes, insight, life experiences and brain maturity we are slowly loosening the safety net
Quote
KyrasMom_US
Thanks, AV. What is interesting about this is that my D is usually very communicative about her ED and what she is going through, even expressing what type of help she needs in regard to our supervision (in her room/always standing, never sitting on the toilet, making excuses to go upstairs, etc.). It's this sudden quiet period coupled with seemingly doing better. She just does not want to talk about her ED and asked my H to just let her enjoy this time when he tried to get her to open up. It's like she wants to pretend there's no ED, so she's eating regularly without anxiety or negotiations and joining in with the family and not talking about it. It's great, but it's so sudden. I'm wondering if it's a new ED tactic to keep us fooled and to let down our guard.

Could you explain what you meant when you said your D confused some of the events that happened and to be careful about they type of T she's doing? I think there is a lot of worksheet-type work dealing with anxieties, negative thoughts, etc. Not sure if there is a focus on the "why" the ED happened. Is there something we should look out for? -- Any advice is always appreciated!
Mom of 16-y-o D diagnosed w/ ED-NOS (RAN, compulsive exercise) in May 2013. Hospitalized for 2 wks then IOP at UCSD through July. Now in FBT w/ team of therapist, pediatrician and psychiatrist (for meds.). She is WR & considered to be in recovery, though we are diligently watching her and working on relapse prevention on a weekly basis with her T. We can finally see true recovery as a real possibility [biggrin]!
Quote
momon
My d just turned 11 so may be different due to age, but I find her ability and/or interest to talk about how she feels, how she is doing and most especially the ed varies greatly from time to time. I wouldn't worry that it is an ed trick not to talk of it if she is eating well and feeling good. Perhaps at this moment she is tired of thinking about it and feels pretty good so just doesn't want to.  I think people in general can only actively process hard stuff in fits and starts. It doesn't mean ed is done, but perhaps you can view it as you are all getting a nice break and enjoy it without waiting too much for the other shoe to drop. Of course it's not done yet, but this nice break may last even longer next time and next till it becomes the norm!
Quote

        

WTadmin