F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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Seashell
We don't feel we can do FBT, as our d won't do anything we say at all.  She came out of hospital eating 3 meals a day and now is down to none, just staying in her room all day, rejecting food brought to her screaming GO AWAY. She only comes out at night when the rest of family is asleep. Like this morning we see she has raided the kitchen for salt while we asleep. Another thing to lock away.

How far have people gone to keep their child at home? We have other children to protect too and have no confidence in our abilities. The eating disorder team are all touchy feely, "whatever works for you as a family" "however you normally impose boundaries".  But we don't have any idea how to help her. I feel we need like a super nanny to come in and help us.

What else can we do? Where else can we go?


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deenl
Hi seashell,

Your feelings about doing FBT are legitimate reasons for not doing it. Lack of progress and/or going backwards are grounds for a step up in care. What are your alternatives?

Like all medical interventions IP is wonderful when the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. Huge numbers of families have used it and used it repeatedly to gain traction against the illness. My son was IP twice. It was only after the second time that the routines were strong enough and my skills good enough to keep moving in a positive direction.

The essentials are, in my opinion
- safety from suicide and self harm and the medical consequences of malnourishment
- nutritional rehabilitation, sufficient and regular food. However {obviously no violence by carers} and wherever that needs to happen
- continued nutrition while dealing with getting back to real life and treating other issues

Very, very few families here use the strict FBT treatment. Most have used a combo of what was available and what was needed in any given moment.

I fought to get my kid out of first IP because they were rubbish. In 5.5 weeks he lost 2 kgs. I fought for the second month long stay in the children's hospital because I couldn't get weight gain started myself.

Hang in there,

D
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
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deenl
Seashell wrote:
The eating disorder team are all touchy feely, "whatever works for you as a family" "however you normally impose boundaries".  But we don't have any idea how to help her. I feel we need like a super nanny to come in and help us.

What else can we do? Where else can we go?




They are trying to empower you but going too far the other way. It would be so simple and helpful to just say 'Here are some ways that have worked for other families. You know which has the best chance of working in you family. Let's give that one a try and if needed we can revisit it again later. Feedback not failure'. Can't for the life of me understand why they don't support you more when your daughter is going backwards.

Any chance of getting a meeting with just parents and team and telling them that you need a higher level of care unless they give you more ideas.

Warm wishes

D
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
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Ronson
Hi

It is exceptionally hard and if she really isn’t eating at all then she may need to go back to hospital.

We had to completely change our parenting style and basically treat ed d as a toddler for some weeks. We decided that she would eat and it was not negotiable. There were days when this took hours - one episode where we sat in her bedroom crunching up Jammie dodgers and throwing them at us for hours. I doubted my abilities totally and had many breakdowns but we persisted and it is better.

What can you negotiate with - we used phone and I pad - you can have these when you start to eat.

What does she have in her room - what is keeping her occupied - you may need to take this away. Not as a punishment but as an incentive.

Other siblings are a concern - my d also has a sister who is younger - I found this very hard - my h and I took it in turns to get her out of the firing line and to ensure that normal life for her carried on as much as possible. This was tricky during initial refeeding as much of this was in the summer holidays and we had split our leave for child care. We spoke to non Ed d school and asked them to keep an eye on her.

R


Our camhs also used to repeatedly say ‘you know what to do’. I found it hugely frustrating as I felt I didn’t.

If your d needs more hospital care then this is what she needs - the most important thing is to get her well and different things will work for everyone
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scaredmom

Hi Seashell,
Welcome to the club no one wants to join and so glad you are here.
There are many ways to support your child with AN and FBT is only one way.
My D needed to be IP right at diagnosis. We had a diagnosis day 1 then I was given a week to get her weight up- it was a no go, so she got admitted right from the peds clinic to the hospital. There in our community hospital for one week then transferred to a tertiary, specialist adolescent ED hospital for 2.5 weeks. Their goal was weight gain to 80% weight restoration then home. Well, it really helped us. They really were using evidence based medicine and there was not parental blame. I learned too, from the nurses what I had to require of D when she got home. It gave me time and I knew she was safe. It is not a last resort for some it is the first step on the road to recovery.

What type of support do you have? If she does not eat or drink do you have a plan to take her to the hospital?
Yup I agree with you, I wish there was a super ED nanny to help us. It does take time for us all to grasp what we can do and how to do it. I see you are in the UK and I think the treatment options are variable. I agree with deenl, the team is trying to empower you, and you may need to ask them for concrete examples you can use on "the ground" daily.
Keep asking questions. We are here to support you.
I am glad you are here.
XXX

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight +/-the "right"medicine= healing---> recovery (---> life without ED)

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Warrior1
Hi Seashell,

I’m so sorry you are going through a tough time. There was a post a while back where someone listed all the rules or was it do’s and don’t’s of refeeding. Hopefully someone can link it as I can’t remeber what thread it was on but I thought it would be really useful place to start. Re feeding is a difficult thing to do until you find your way, you need to be so determined. I have every confidence that you can do it you just need to find the right strategies and from my experience CAHMS will not help you with this! I found planning really helped. Can you sit down with your H and work out a plan and all your strategies and have a plan b and plan c if plan a doesn’t work. I hear what your saying about your other children but unfortunately to get your D well you will need to give her 100%. My other children stayed with their grandparents whilst I was refeeding my D. Can you tell exactly what a mealtime is like, what you do when you D screams at you to go away and we can suggest some ideas that might help? Xx
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scaredmom

Warrior1, Is this the list?

It is from toothfairy and I just love it.It came from another caregiver.  I like clear and concise directions.

I hope you find this helpful, Seashell.
It does summarise very nicely how to deal with ED. It is hard and it sounds easy, but we all know here, that it isn't.


Helpful Notes From A Fellow Carer.
 1. You prepare meals
2. Do not allow your child in the kitchen during meal prep
3. Your child should not go grocery shopping.
4. Toilet before meal and no toilet for at least an hour afterwards.
5. If purging is suspected, use an open door policy in the bathroom, or have them count or sing whilst in there. And no flushing
6. Do not negotiate - whatever you serve has to be eaten
7. Use whatever leverage you have - phone, Internet, tv - whatever they hold dear is to be removed if they refuse to eat, until they have eaten. If they're older and are not financially independent, this is your leverage
8. Separate the two - Your child is not the ED
9. Detach yourself from the situation during meals. Do not get drawn into emotional discussions. THIS IS NOT UP FOR NEGOTIATION
10. Remember that your child wants to recover - the ED is stopping them
11. Your child needs your permission to eat. They need you to stand up to ED as they do not have the strength to do so themselves
12. 3 meals and 3 snacks per day (supervised) - do not deviate from this. Add time limits to the meals (as a guide/goal!). Ours (and the hospitals) was 30 mins for meals and 15 mins for snacks. In the early days this could extend A LOT. I made my Ds meal times the same as they'd be at school so that when she transitioned back to full time it would be easier and less anxiety provoking.
13. High calories are needed throughout re-feeding with lots of full fat dairy. Some need as much as 6,000 cals with hyper metabolism, but the norm would be minimum ‪3500-4000‬ cals (for you to track not your child)
14. When they know you will not negotiate, I promise you will see the weight lifted from their shoulders... If only for very short periods
15. BE THE CAGE that keeps ED away from your child
16. When food is eaten be mum / dad again and have cuddles if they'll let you
17. ‪24/7‬ supervision - I slept with my D for 4 months - this will protect against them purging through vomiting or exercise. Many patients will exercise alone at night for hours on end when nobody else is awake.
18. All sport may need to stop in the early stages, and for those who compulsively exercised this could be long term.
19. Be consistent, consistent consistent!
20. Don't congratulate them after a meal or say 'well done' - just cheer inwardly! Likewise when (for girls) their period returns!
21. Learn from others. I found  stories of other parents journey through recovery to be extremely helpful.
22. Recommended reading: 'Brave Girl Eating' by Harriet Brown
23. Be prepared for resistance, and lots of it! You will find your own way to manage this, but NEVER back down. Any compromise is a win for ED. Remember, you have to see the beast to slay beast!
24. Making decisions / choices is extremely difficult for them (painful to watch). This is true in areas outside of food too. If you've tried to hand over some control of a meal or snack and notice that they are struggling, that is an indication that it is too soon and that you need to be making those decisions for them.
25. Sometimes distraction helps during meal times. That can come in the form of games,TV, music. Whatever it is you control it and it only continues with eating.
26. Make sure all weighing scales are removed from the house.
27. Lean on us - you have ‪24/7‬ support here as We are International .



When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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melstevUK
Hi seashell,

Sorry you are getting such useless - or non-existent- support.  The point of FBT is not just to hand over responsibility to parents to do the re-feeding but to back them in that task.  They should also be telling your d that she needs to eat what she is being given - if they are not backing you so that all the team are on one side working together, then that is not FBT.  That's the team not understanding their role.

Can you get her back to IP so that the structure of eating can be put back in place?  She must be losing loads of weight again if she is eating so little.

If you can get her back into IP - you then only agree to take her out on the understanding that she will adhere to her meal plan and cooperate.  

There are very few hospitals - or so it seems - who discharge effectively.  They expect the patient to manage with a meal plan and parents can get sidelined, unless you are moving back to an FBT system.  

Will someone come out from the hospital to speak to your d at home, and explain the importance of eating and nutrition in fighting her illness?  You need to change the dynamic of the situation and that should not be left to you alone.  In your situation I would be asking for her to be taken back into IP.

The alternative is to ask her to come out of her room and allow you to speak to her in a reasonable manner, without her shouting, to explain that if she cannot learn to eat at home then she will have to eat at hospital.  You could try that approach first.  But I would also phone the team and tell them that you want her to be taken back into hospital.

Has she been going to appointments and getting weighed? I would suggest that you see what her weight is doing at the moment as well.
Believe you can and you're halfway there.
Theodore Roosevelt.
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deenl
scaredmom wrote:

Warrior1, Is this the list?

It is from toothfairy and I just love it.It came from another caregiver.  I like clear and concise directions.

I hope you find this helpful, Seashell.
It does summarise very nicely how to deal with ED. It is hard and it sounds easy, but we all know here, that it isn't.


Helpful Notes From A Fellow Carer ...



It is indeed a very concise list of techniques that are helpful in family led treatment. However, in reducing the complexity of the illness to such a simple list does leave some families feeling left short. This illness comes in very many degrees of intensity, possible co-morbids, patients with varoious strengths and weaknesses, carers and families ditto. The degree and level of professional help varies enormously.

When toothfairy posted this list first there was an interesting discussion of all the various points families used and did not use. You can find the discussion here.

Wishing you continued strength and courage,

D

2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
Quote
tina72
Seashell wrote:
We don't feel we can do FBT, as our d won't do anything we say at all.  She came out of hospital eating 3 meals a day and now is down to none, just staying in her room all day, rejecting food brought to her screaming GO AWAY. She only comes out at night when the rest of family is asleep. Like this morning we see she has raided the kitchen for salt while we asleep. Another thing to lock away.

How far have people gone to keep their child at home? We have other children to protect too and have no confidence in our abilities. The eating disorder team are all touchy feely, "whatever works for you as a family" "however you normally impose boundaries".  But we don't have any idea how to help her. I feel we need like a super nanny to come in and help us.

What else can we do? Where else can we go?


I can imagine that you feel lost now and that you feel you cannot do that. In fact I thought that at the beginning of refeeding, too, and my d was even older than yours. Most parents here were at that point thinking they cannot do it. But then they put their big girl pants on and did it.

You ask what alternitives you have? That depends on your system and what you want to achieve. She might need to go to IP (if she is refusing food completely now, I would bring her back to hospital ASAP). There she will be refed if she wants or not (by NG tube if needed). Many here needed that to get started (my hands up, too). The problem with IP is that you will get her back on day X. And then you need to do the rest at home. And that means you will need to plate her food and control her intake for a much longer time than this IP will last. And at that point you will at least need to learn the skills to do that anyway.

So if you cannot do it now, bring her to IP asap. And then have a new start and think about a plan and consequences and how you will do it. The biggest risk for relapse is in the first year after diagnose and in my experience with the transition from IP to home. The parents need to learn how to refeed and how to make them eat. Now or later. Without that she will not recover on long term. And that is what you want to achieve.

If she is now screaming "go away" when you bring the food and you accept that and let her be in her room all day without food that is a victory for AN. If she screams you still need to try. Stay in her room until she eats just to get rid of your company. If she does not leave her room the food comes to her. If she does not let you in the door will be taken off. You really need to make not eating impossible.
Is she violent? Then call the police. Is she throwing things on you? Then she will need to sleep in an empty room. Strange behaviour needs strange solutions. 

It is mostly our own fear and uncertanty that holds us back. You really need to show ED that you mean business. If she was 2 you would know what to do. Same now. We needed to change our parenting style to get our kids back. And it was worth it.
Sorry for my open words but it does not help you if I put honey around it.

Tina72
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Hibiscus
Hi seashell
A lot of us here have been in the same place as you and it’s awful and frightening for our children. Our team did the same to us and I really got the best advice here. How Long is it since your d ate and drank?
I agree with Ronson , it is urgent that your d is medically checked out, for her health. Blood pressure taken twice laying down and then standing, fluids and bloods. Her heart is at significant risk. This is urgent . If necessary you may need to take her to the emergency dept of local hospital to ensure she is medically safe. Lots of other thoughts but this is the priority in my opinion . If u r not sure call the hospital with the details and ask them.
Lots of thought but this is the priority in my opinion
hang in there
Let us know how u r going
Xx

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Seashell
Thx so much for all your replies. It means a lot not to feel so alone and you’ve all been through it all and there are lots of tips but where to start?

In response to questions: Drinking Ok. haven’t seen anything eaten for 48 hours. She says she ate peanut butter during night. It’s true fridge/food cupboards were all tidied during the night but I can’t tell re: peanut butter.

Meal looks like: Food goes in front of her and she just says I’m not going to eat it. When I stay in the room she starts shouting go away and volume and violence increase until I don’t feel safe any more and have to leave. Hard to call police when nothing much happened but like the suggestions of having them lined up and do it once.

I agree I’ve got to change my approach and parenting style and take the ED on but I wish the team would kind of help me do that too with clear rules. You miss X amount meals, you loose weight etc. You back in hospital. D more frightened of authority than me. Last weigh in was stable but that was before stopped eating.

Can I ask about therapy? I know they say no therapy till weight gain as no point talking to the ED but I would have thought it good to talk to someone about your feelings and other anxieties/general low mood. Must be so lonely for her with no one to talk to about how she feels and have it all bottled in. I luckily have you guys. Thx so much.
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scaredmom


There is one thing I learned here and quick. If you did not see it go in, it likely did not. So I would bet she did not have any peanut butter. Now as she has not eaten in 48hr please go get her checked immediately, please. Ronson and Hibiscus bring up that important point. 
Yes my D was compliant to the doctors and not so much with me, at the beginning. 
Can you get her checked out now? This is worrisome, that she has not eaten. She needs medical assessment ASAP.

Re: therapy, I would agree with the team that until she weight is better, the brain can't really get better. Now DBT has been found to be useful for many here and can give us parents tools too. But not sure if it should be done before WR?

Please let us know how it goes.
XXX

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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scaredmom
Here are some guidelines for hospitalization, there may be others, but here is a start:
http://www.adhb.govt.nz/starshipclinicalguidelines/_Documents/Anorexia%20Nervosa.pdf
XXX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Ronson
Hi

Our fbt team have not provided the you lose so much weight then x happens - we have done that. So we have put in place our consequences.

They tried some therapy with my d - at my request as I felt like you that they weren’t really doing anything. But it really was useless - d was unreceptive or just repeatedly spoke about how she felt fat and didn’t believe anything to the contrary.

We have found that the best thing for our d has been weight gain - i know it’s really hard to believe that the thing they are most scared of is the best for them but It really is.

We had camhs tier 4 come to the house but they don’t come at meal times. Unfortunately the options seem to be at home or hospital - there is no in between

R
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deenl
Hi seashell,

Because of the very serious medical issues that can arise the recommendation is usually no water for 24 hours or no food for 48 hours then cff to the hospital to be medically assessed. Unless you are 100% certain that she ate (most of us seem to have very honest kids who lied through their teeth when ill), then I think it makes sense to err on the side of caution. Better safe than sorry.

Wishing you strength and courage,

D
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
Quote
Kali
Hi Seashell,

Things sound very difficult right now at home and scary for you and your daughter.

I know that in our house when things were bad I told my d. we would be going to the ER if she was not able to eat or drink for 24 hours. I wasn't comfortable waiting for 2 days because her weight was too low. I hope you will take her in today, or maybe you already have. Even if she has had some peanut butter in the night, that is still very little for a 48 hour period.

If you are not feeling as though things are working right now and your daughter is worsening, can you contact the hospital she was in or her team and come up with a plan B? Maybe she needs to go back to the hospital or spend some time in an inpatient unit. Sometimes the illness is just too strong and the sufferer too ill to be treated at home and hospitalization can help.

One of the things I did when my daughter was at her most ill, was that I met with a therapist who specialized in eating disorders (without my d) while d. was in the hospital. We went over scenarios of situations at home, dinner table issues, etc and she was great to brainstorm ideas about how to become an effective meal support. I continued to meet with her when my daughter came home from the hospital so that I could discuss things as they came up and try to figure out the best ways to move forward. I don't know if you can find this kind of support in your area, but it might be helpful if you could. I felt very unprepared and way out of my depth and there was a steep learning curve.

Hoping for the best for you and your daughter,

warmly,

Kali
Food=Love
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tina72
Seashell wrote:
Thx so much for all your replies. It means a lot not to feel so alone and you’ve all been through it all and there are lots of tips but where to start?

In response to questions: Drinking Ok. haven’t seen anything eaten for 48 hours. She says she ate peanut butter during night. It’s true fridge/food cupboards were all tidied during the night but I can’t tell re: peanut butter.

Meal looks like: Food goes in front of her and she just says I’m not going to eat it. When I stay in the room she starts shouting go away and volume and violence increase until I don’t feel safe any more and have to leave. Hard to call police when nothing much happened but like the suggestions of having them lined up and do it once.

I agree I’ve got to change my approach and parenting style and take the ED on but I wish the team would kind of help me do that too with clear rules. You miss X amount meals, you loose weight etc. You back in hospital. D more frightened of authority than me. Last weigh in was stable but that was before stopped eating.

Can I ask about therapy? I know they say no therapy till weight gain as no point talking to the ED but I would have thought it good to talk to someone about your feelings and other anxieties/general low mood. Must be so lonely for her with no one to talk to about how she feels and have it all bottled in. I luckily have you guys. Thx so much.



If you haven´t seen her eating for that long take her to ER asap! That is really dangerous!

If you need to leave the room, breathe through for 2 or 3 minutes and than GO BACK.

Therapy will not help anything at this state. Her brain is not working any more. Food is her therapy. Nothing but food helps at that state.
YOU would need someone to talk to and to help you. Kick that team into their a.....

Please keep us updated about what the doctors said. It is really dangerous if she did not eat for such a long time. You will need more help with that. Be a squiky wheel and phone them daily.

Tina72
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Nicstar4
Hi seashell, I think at trip to ER is necessary. I said to my d, if you are unable to eat, to the dr in the morning. However if no food for as long as you say, ER now.
It is so terribly hard. It sounds as if you had a bad transition to home process. I understand your frustration regarding everything being up to you for re feeding with little guidance. I have felt the same.
I got most of the information I needed to move forward here, only then could I utilize the team we have. I think there should be more information given at the beginning, I think teams think we have more knowledge than we do!
I also feel strongly that the whole process needs to be tweaked to work with the your particular family, and has some strong key points as a basis, then adapting it to your situation.
You will increase your skills as you go on.
Let us know how you are going.
Thinking of you
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mjkz
Seashell, no matter what you are going to have to support your daughter in eating.  Even if she goes IP again, you are still going to be faced with the same situation when she gets out.  You may not do FBT but you're still going to have to cook and make sure she eats.

If you know you need to change your parenting style, then get yourself some support and figure out how to do that.

Quote:
Meal looks like: Food goes in front of her and she just says I’m not going to eat it. When I stay in the room she starts shouting go away and volume and violence increase until I don’t feel safe any more and have to leave. Hard to call police when nothing much happened but like the suggestions of having them lined up and do it once.


This may be blunt but it sounds like you need to work on your own distress tolerance.  What you are describing is what we all go through and your daughter's ed knows now all it has to do is yell at mom and she'll go away.  Maybe you need to stay and see what happens.  I know for myself the situations I found the hardest to handle i.e. staying when she was extremely distressed were the most important.  Your daughter may or may not need therapy but she does need help and support to standing up to that voice in her head-and she needs it from her parents.
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debra18
I don't think your daughter even has an understanding of what she is feeling. That's why using logic and therapy to discuss feelings are not useful. Are there activities that you can use for distraction? My daughter reads books while eating. Between meals, when she doesn't have school, she plays keyboard, and does crafts. Write to your daughter notes that you love her and support her,and will help her get well. She won't admit it, but she needs your love now.
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Mamaroo
Hi Seashell

I'm sorry you need to find yourself here. During refeeding I didn't recognise my once friendly, affectionate daughter. She cried the whole time, screamed, threw things, hit the door, hit, kicked, bit me and pulled my hair (I had to tie my hair when I brought her the food). I had to learn (very quickly) to block her blows. She also directed her anger towards herself and banged her head and cut her arms and legs. It is unfortunately very stressful to being refed. If it helps, it was also hard to refeed the men in the Minnesota Semi Starvation study, they felt more distress at the beginning of refeeding than during starvation: 
https://archive.org/details/MenAndHunger/page/n45

Here are some excellent videos from Eva Musby:



D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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scaredmom
Hi seashell,
How are things?
Hope you are ok.
XXX
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Seashell
Eating disorder team advised Emergency. There for 6 hours. couldn’t get any blood. Didn’t do any other tests. Eventually admitted to ward for 1st meal. Refused food, refused the drink stuff. Inserted ND but she said take it out will drink. Did. Next day breakfast liquid, ate lunch and dinner. Discharged as nothing medically wrong (bloods eventually taken on ward) and happened to be another anorexic on kids ward telling her how much she weighs how to vomit etc. So I think they thought she safer at home.

I feel good as I feel it’s a reset and feel more confident know what to do and won’t make same mistakes.However, on getting home she started raiding fridge eating, not a big binge but equivalent to all daily snacks and now I suspect won’t want to eat today because overdid it yesterday. So today will be really difficult. Luckily have home visit...

So crazy question but does anyone else get eating off plan?
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Foodsupport_AUS
Glad that all was well after hospital. 

I think the most important thing for now is to try to get things into a routine. She may be keen to avoid bingeing, so encouraging regular appropriate food is the best way forward. No compensating if she binged yesterday, that is allowing ED in. 

Three meals and three snacks, ideally you decide what she eats. She needs ongoing monitoring. I would also emphasise to her that not eating is not an option and that you are prepared to take her back if needs be. I hope all goes well today.
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13.5. Weight restored July 2012. Relapse and now clawing our way back. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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