F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

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Yogi13
So...I think I had an ah-ha moment today.  I am probably stating the obvious to the "seasoned veterans" (and I am sorry for this), but not only does the weight have to be restored, but the brain has to go back to how it thought before the ED took over.  That means all of the behaviors associated with the ED, need to be addressed.  In our case:  fear foods, plating rituals, exercise obsession, etc).  The professionals (including my Dr. make it sound like once the weight is restored, a magic button turns on in the head of the child, and all will be well.  From what I have been reading about your experiences, this is not the case.  ED's are tricky and sneaky and can continue for a very long time.  Yikes.  

Still moving forward-Yogi13
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sk8r31
You are absolutely right.  Paraphrasing another ATDT veteran, "Whatever ED dragged in, must be dragged out".  In other words, all the ED behaviors that weren't present before the illness need to go.  And it can take a long while...hang in there!
It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
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Enn
You figured it out! And it takes a long time for sure.
Have you seen the state not weight video? 
WR is the first part and the hardest in my opinion ie the physical health. We are now working on all the other stuff, anxiety and perfectionism, and it is so much better because she eats it all now- mental health and keeping up physical health.
I think that is how  I see it at the moment, but with everything ED, it is bound to slip me up at times.😉 
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Yogi13
SO...Again...it's been an epiphany kind of day here...state, not weight (and we are doing fairly well with the restoration-we are in a groove, but I am sure we will encounter bumps).  I saw the video.  Once the weight is restored, then, is CBT also a good therapy to implement along with FBT while still feeding and monitoring weight?  Just wondering if CBT could help with body image, which was the catalyst for her Ed.

I also want to thank you all; I mentioned "fear foods" at our appointment the other day in therapy (therapist was on board), but I would not have known exactly what I am dealing with if it wasn't for this forum.  Heartfelt thanks from New York.
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Enn
.
Yogi13 wrote:
 Once the weight is restored, then, is CBT also a good therapy to implement along with FBT while still feeding and monitoring weight?  
 


There are many ways to tackle what is needed after WR. My D is on meds and the ED therapist is talking to her about feelings more now. 
Some kids get better on their own with time etc.. and about 50% will have other mental health issues: anxiety, depression, PTSD  and others.
CBT, DBT, CRT counselling, meds, and combinations and permutations of all of that ,may be required. For my d, we only did refeeding ie FBT for the first year or so and meds for anxiety.  I guess now we are stage 2?
Many of the kids have co-morbid mental health issues that will require professional support.
Knowledge truly is power Yogi13- that is for sure. I learned everything here and we had a good team on the ground. But, if it were not for the forum, I would not have known what WR was, or how to add oil etc to d's food and I did not realize the OCD associations with ED among so many other things. 

Did you read the stages and timelines thread by mamabear, it helps to understand that dance, so to speak, with ED. It is not a linear path usually, it is up and down but the general trajectory hopefully is upwards and ED gets left behind for good.
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Enn
thought this thread may have some useful information as well.
https://www.aroundthedinnertable.org/post/family-based-treatment-5522102?highlight=fbt&trail=25
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Yogi13
scaredmom

Yes.  I read everything here.  I drag and save every link to my laptop and read, read, read.  I am also waiting for a few books recommended here.  I have read two so far.  Needless to say that in a fairly short time, I have learned a lot.  I want what we all want: our kids to lead their best lives.  With that said, I am hopeful that I can figure out what she needs when she needs it throughout her journey.  

You mentioned the OCD associations with ED-I can see this in my d.  She was always somewhat of a perfectionist, that is to say that all perfectionists do not get Ed's, but from what I am reading, there seems to be a personality type more prone to these disorders.   Mental illness runs in both sides of mine and my husband's family:  his OCD and mine GAD, so I thought medication might help with my daughter's process, and it does.  
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Foodsupport_AUS
Yogi13 wrote:
You mentioned the OCD associations with ED-I can see this in my d.  She was always somewhat of a perfectionist, that is to say that all perfectionists do not get Ed's, but from what I am reading, there seems to be a personality type more prone to these disorders.   Mental illness runs in both sides of mine and my husband's family:  his OCD and mine GAD, so I thought medication might help with my daughter's process, and it does. 


You are absolutely right that there are "personality types" that seem to be more prone to ED .In particular those who have anxiety in their personality traits. Around 60% of kids with ED have a co-existing anxiety type disorder, including OCD and GAD. Autism spectrum disorders also include anxiety and of course perfectionism is anxiety based as well. There are of course strong familial predispositions to all of this, so not surprising then that ED's have strong heritability too. 

Great that you have got the state not weight concept. Too often even here, people get the idea that all you need to do is get to a good weight and everything magically resolves. For most it doesn't. It takes time, and maintenance of good nutrition and working on all of those other contributing factors, including anxiety, perfectionism, low self-esteem, body dysmorphia, depression. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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kazi67
Yogi
sounds like your doing an amazing job!
well done!
just a word of caution from what happened with our d (and she was older 17 on diagnosis) but just to be aware

ED as you said can make them VERY sneaky (and this was no way our d usual character)
after she was WR in 6 months she convinced us she was fine, convinced us the physc wasn’t helping (by this time she had turned 18)
her GP used to look at me like I was a “helicopter” parent and on a few visits didn’t get  off his backside to check scales (she had a weight loss but lied and said she gained)
i believed her as her “state”seemed 100 percent back to normal and by all the info I got on this site we figured great 👍
“State” good “weight” good
i was over the arguing, cooking, monitoring her food  appts, sleepless night, etc etc with her she was 18 for goodness sakes I started to believe I was “over reacting or helicopter parenting”

i thought all seemed good as state and weight were good BUT it wasn’t 

this is how the illness can be very sneaky
it makes them lie and trick you

we have paid dearly for our GP’s “stuff up”
2 years later in and out of IP /DP and now OP treatment programs my d life (and mine for that matter) is SLOWLY  returning to some form of normality
she has only just started to work again(part time) but at least is working after not being able to do ANYTHING for 2 years 
she has had NO income for part 2 years she has been fully dependant on us and all medical bills etc being paid by us, living expenses, car everything 

so my advice to you is even when their “state and weight” seem good PLEASE continue all professional appointments even if you d tries to tell you it’s not working or even if you think your wasting good money 
after our experience I dont care how much the ongoing appointments are going to cost us into the future so long as my d doesn’t go back to that hell we’ve been through 

I know each case is different and one case may be more severe than another and many on here will say you can do it yourself, we believed that but honestly be very careful 
you are lucky in the sense your d is younger and “in your control” so to speak 
you have many years to beat the demon

ive also read on here many of the kids relapse years later and I’m not saying your d will 
I’m just saying if you can keep up with seeing the professional team as well as getting advice from ATDT keep at it!!

it takes a village to raise them an especially with an ED they/we need all the support we can get/give for a LONG time 
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ValentinaGermania
Yogi13 wrote:
So...I think I had an ah-ha moment today.  I am probably stating the obvious to the "seasoned veterans" (and I am sorry for this), but not only does the weight have to be restored, but the brain has to go back to how it thought before the ED took over.  That means all of the behaviors associated with the ED, need to be addressed.  In our case:  fear foods, plating rituals, exercise obsession, etc).  The professionals (including my Dr. make it sound like once the weight is restored, a magic button turns on in the head of the child, and all will be well.  From what I have been reading about your experiences, this is not the case.  ED's are tricky and sneaky and can continue for a very long time.  Yikes.  


Nothing to add. Perfectly said. Go print it on a shirt and give it to all professionals 🙂.
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Mamaroo
Yes, you got it! The brain takes a long time to heal, unfortunately. It took my d WR + 9 months BEFORE we started to see any changes. I still gave her 6 meals and snacks WR + 2 years, before I dropped one snack and allowed her to plate her own breakfast. Now she is eating like the rest of the family. Include lots of fat and protein in the all her meals and snacks as the brain is made up of mainly fats and need the amino acids in protein to function properly. 
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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Yogi13
Thank you all for sharing your words of wisdom and your stories.  I am so sorry for all of your children (including mine) and your families (including mine) whose lives have been turned upside down from this.  I am taking off from work this summer to take care of her, and I will do anything and everything necessary.  And, yes, I have got this-there's no other choice. I know we will encounter good, bad and ugly days, but it seems that this is the nature of the "beast".  I keep telling myself that tomorrow is always a new day.  (That's the yogi in me).  

Happy Father's Day to all of the dad's out there.  
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workingthrough
You’re doing amazing!! 
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Yogi13
THANK YOU!!!!
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