F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

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momon
Here is the summary version of what will be several long updating posts:

My daughter, who fell ill with restrictive ED at age 10, finally this year at age 16  is in super solid recovery! It has been an extremely long, long road to the point that I stopped posting on here and reading for my mental health. The people I started on here with had long departed and we slogged on and on and on with me needing to feed her and cook super high calorie and push and push and push. The 1 year mark went by (we weren't one year people). ... the 3 year mark went by (so many said it was 3 years)..... 4 year.... even at 5 years I came home at lunch all summer long to feed my 15 year old kiddo.  All was good in so many ways, we had quick weight restoration and no relapse and a great treatment person until d wouldn't go any more. But no, not recovery.

She fell ill at about the time of her 10th birthday in the winter. First sign I saw that daughter was in trouble then was at a Christmas cookie party, she refused to eat the cookies and was fixated on getting me to eat them.  Never again, after that day, did she like cookies.  Skip ahead ... 6 freaking years and I"d use the real f word if I could because those 6 years have not been fun and 3 of them were complete hell.   Lo, at about the time of her 16th birthday, I had for the first time made the dough to Dorie Greenspan's cookies "World Peace Cookies".  These cookies are lush, chocolaty and a normal person would love to eat them.  They have to chill before baking. Daughter, looking at the dough said, "Can we eat them now?  "

World Peace broke out! I will post more later, but for now...

Yes, it can take 6 years and you can still get your lovely there, to a safe place! Take heart warrior moms and dads!  I never knew if I would ever be able to post this or she honestly be a success story. I never gave up on her but it was not fun. Is she worth it? Of course.  6 YEARS! And she got there.  Take that, you stupid ED! We kicked your ass.
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Enn
Oh momon,
Thank you so much for this. I think knowing that at one or three years if someone is still in the midst of ED this give us fuel to keep pushing forward. It is not a failure. It does not mean the child will not recover. It just means we keep going. 
i think sometimes when we hear about the stages of FBT it can feel like it is all going to be perfect one to two years in. That is not the case for most, that I am seeing here. It is work and it is worthwhile  work to keep it up for as long as it takes. 
I needed that today! 
Merci beaucoup!
and so wonderful for you all!!
When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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workingthrough
Sooooo happy for you!!!!!! She’s so blessed to have such an amazing mom!! 
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sandie
That is so wonderful. You have done Trojan work. Thank you so much for sharing. We need to keep going. Xxx
Courage is not the absence of despair; it is rather the capacity to move ahead in spite of despair
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sk8r31
Absolutely loved reading your update momon!  You are one fierce warrior mama!  Thank you so much for coming back to encourage others who may be feeling exhausted and overwhelmed and worried that they can't 'stay the course'.  You are my hero.❤
It is good to not only hope to be successful, but to expect it and accept it--Maya Angelou
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Mamaroo
That's wonderful news, I love your cookie story, we here at the forum can appreciate it. Thanks for sharing and best wishes for the future!
D became obsessed with exercise at age 9 and started eating 'healthy' at age 9.5. Restricting couple of months later. IP for 2 weeks at age 10. Slowly refed for months on Ensures alone, followed by swap over with food at a snails pace. WR after a year at age 11 in March 2017. View my recipes on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKLW6A6sDO3ZDq8npNm8_ww
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Mcmum
So happy for you! ! Thanks for posting.  We have a 10 year old now and it gives me hope that the road may be long but the destination can be recovery.  Have a great day xx
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teecee
I long for the day when my D can be truly ED free. I want to be able to use the word ‘carefree’ when people ask how she’s doing....I’m still pushing and poking the snake wherever possible. 😊💕
mum so heartened when I hear people come back and share. Thank you soooooo much 👍🏻😘💕
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pricie
Thankyou for posting, I really needed to hear that today! We are struggling through refeeding and have been for 18 months. I know early days and it is so so hard.  You are amazing!  I hope I can be as strong as you have been!  I to long for the day when my D is free of ED and she has her life back, Thankyou!! Xx
If you are going through hell, keep going. 
           Winston Churchill
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kazi67
Great to hear of your update Momon
yay for you warrior mumma!! 
Kicking that ED up the backside lol
Your post will give hope to many in the trenches 
enjoy your cookies x
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deenl
Thanks so much for the update, momon.

We are in a similar situation, I think. Our son is eating everything, no fear foods, 3 meals, 3 snacks but I prepare everything, he is supervised by us for all meals except school lunch and break and I strongly have the feeling that without that oversight he would be sick again within a couple of weeks. He is in great form and doing well at school. So it is really encouraging for me to hear that we may be one of those families who really need to hold steady for a long time in order to be able to say
 
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Take that, you stupid ED! We kicked your ass.


Love it! Well done to you all.

Warm wishes,

D
2015 12yo son restricting but no body image issues, no fat phobia; lost weight IP! Oct 2015 home, stable but no progress. Medical hosp to kick start recovery Feb 2016. Slowly and cautiously gaining weight at home and seeing signs of our real kid.

May 2017 Hovering around WR. Mood great, mostly. Building up hour by hour at school after 18 months at home. Summer 2017 Happy, first trip away in years, food variety, begin socialising. Sept 2017, back to school FT first time in 2 years. [thumb] 2018 growing so fast hard to keep pace with weight
  • Swedish proverb: Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it most.
  • We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence Recovery, then, is not an act but a habit. Aristotle.
  • If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal.
  • We cannot control the wind but we can direct the sail.
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ValentinaGermania
Just back from our first totally normal holiday trip in year 3 with tons of good food and no ED on board and to read this here made my day today!!!
I am doing the happy dance for you!!!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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treebird
Friggin amazing! That gives me hope 😊
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mjkz
So glad to read this.  There is light at the end of the tunnel and it's not train.  Good to know.😁
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momon
Hi all, I thought I'd be back sooner to tell more of our daughter's recovery story, butI think I have so much backloaded trauma that it's a bit hard to come back on the forum even though I have the deepest love for my old friends here and immediate love and desire to support everyone coming on since I haven't been checking in.

But I am here to say things continue to go fantastically for my daughter.  (who fell ill at age 10) At her annual physical doctor appt last month, when she got weighed, I did not look at the scale or try to ask the nurse what it said or try to see it on the paper on the sly.  BECAUSE I DIDN"T HAVE TO!  I know she is doing great and I can see it, can feel it and I don't have to worry about what this scale says! So, yeah, first time in 7 years I didn't give a whoop what it said.

She's always played high school soccer and switched to running cross country as a senior this fall.  I was afraid of that, but it turned out to be the final nail in the coffin of anorexia! Who woulda thunk?  She ate with abandon, she enjoyed the heck out of her teammates who turn out to be much more her people than the soccer girls ever were, and she lectured the freshmen girls about the dangers of trying to not gain weight as they got older. She told the runner who always wanted to talk about calories to stop it around her.  It was amazing and somehow she was the strongest and freest she has been since falling ill.  She wrote an essay about recovery from anorexia describing all this and acknowledging that she couldn't have run earlier safely.  The essay was the first time she ever used the word "anorexia" in connection with herself. The first line of the essay was, "I came home from the first day of track my freshman year and told my mother I wanted to run distance and she burst into tears." (Yeah, that happened 3 years ago. This has not been a fun set of years.) The fascinating thing to me is that cross country was in some ways a stress test on her recovery... she went onto a team that ended up making 3rd at state and by making varsity  it was intense, and as I had feared there were disordery eating things  going on around her, but she not only handled it, she sent anorexia packing.  I think she was not just ready to pack it away, but the first-ever experience for her of being in a group of girls that she completely clicked with and belonged with brought her incredible strength and health.  What the heck?!!! I had no idea that might happen.

Now D has applied to college, has a few acceptances and is waiting to hear on others. I feel confident that she can go wherever she decides to go even if it is across the country. I plan to check in on her regularly.... oh yes I do, especially because she may go far from home and may run and after 6 years of warfare against ED I am a cautious mama, but I am also extremely optimistic she will do fine.

I do intend to share more about her recovery process.... but the most important thing I want to share is that it took her a good 6 years to be free of ED. Maybe 6 1/2 to be so free I don't see traces.  I fed and came home at lunch all summer to feed a teenager, and cooked hi cal and watched and watched and hounded so many times.  And just a few days ago we were talking about "the things we don't talk about" and she asked me what I don't talk about. I said I don't talk about how when she was sick she said she hated me, and when I gave her the brick wall to that, she then furiously said she not only hated me now, she would hate me forever.  We both had a good laugh over that. We are extremely close.   Please know if your child seems to hate you now there love is even stronger underneath for what you are doing to save them and to show your love for them by your steadfast fight for their health.  Hugs and love to all, you fighting parents! 😊😍
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Enn

Awesome momon!
When I finished reading this I had tears
in my eyes! 

Thank you for sharing. 🌿

When within yourself you find the road, the right road will open.  (Dejan Stojanovic)

Food+more food+time+love+good professional help+ATDT+no exercise+ state not just weight+/- the "right" medicine= healing---> recovery(--->life without ED)
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Foodsupport_AUS
Such a wonderful update. So lovely to hear from you, and how well your daughter is doing. You worked long and hard to get this outcome. 
D diagnosed restrictive AN June 2010 age 13. Initially weight restored 2012. Relapse and continuously edging towards recovery. Treatment: multiple hospitalisations and individual and family therapy.
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ValentinaGermania
What a wonderful update. It shows that the fight is worth it!
Keep feeding. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
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Torie
Thanks for the awesome update!  It will give so much hope to many. xx

-Torie
"We are angels of hope, of healing, and of light. Darkness flees from us." -YP 
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momon
Thank you Torie and Foodsupport Aus and new friends XXOO. Thank you especially and most of all to those who stay on here to help others, you are truly powerful and life changing people!!
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MKR
Your story is such an inspiration! 6 and 1/2 years sounds so long but now I see the effort is soooo worth it!

I particularly relished reading about how you two are so close and can now see the funny side of things. 😀
Mum's Kitchen

14-y-o "healthy living" led to AN in 2017 and WR at 16. Current muscle dysmorphia.
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workingthrough

You are my hero! What long and hard years!!! Sooo happy for you that you’ve got your girl back! What an amazing mom you are! 


Thank you so much for sharing (and encouraging!) all of us. 

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Human
Thank you so much for your post, it gives me so much hope. I am nearly a year in, my daughter is 10 but was diagnosed with anorexia at 9 years and 9 months. If it takes 20 more years i will get my daughter to full recovery like yours, if it's the last thing i do!!! 
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PurpleRain
Wonderful update thanks, I have read all your posts and I'm so glad to know you guys are doing so well!
13 yo d started to eat "healthy" September 2018, she had a growth spurt a bit later, followed by tummy bug. She started restricting breakfast and school lunch in January 2019 (that we know). We succesfully refed at home.
I have found inner strenght, patience and compassion that I did not know I had.
Never retreat, never surrender
keep feeding
 
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PurpleRain
Wonderful update thanks, I have read all your posts and I'm so glad to know you guys are doing so well!
13 yo d started to eat "healthy" September 2018, she had a growth spurt a bit later, followed by tummy bug. She started restricting breakfast and school lunch in January 2019 (that we know). We succesfully refed at home.
I have found inner strenght, patience and compassion that I did not know I had.
Never retreat, never surrender
keep feeding
 
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