F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum

Welcome to F.E.A.S.T's Around The Dinner Table forum. This is a free service provided for parents of those suffering from eating disorders. It is moderated by kind, experienced, parent caregivers trained to guide you in how to use the forum and how to find resources to help you support your family member. This forum is for parents of patients with all eating disorder diagnoses, all ages, around the world.

Join these conversations already in progress:
• Road To Recovery - Stories of Hope
• Events for Parents and Caregivers Around the World
• Free F.E.A.S.T Conference Videos

Visit the F.E.A.S.T website for information and support.

If you need help using the forum please reach out to one of the moderators (listed below), or email us at bronwen@feast-ed.org.

Hi!  I'm new.  We are on Day 9 of Refeeding 14 yr old d with AN.  My question is:  should I stay with her to console what clearly seems to be the unconsolable after the meal?  She lies down and moans.  I do console for a while.  I have three other children that need me, too.  Any advice?  Not every meal is like this.  Breakfast has now become the hardest.
Sara Lacy
I suggest giving her a hot water bottle or a heating pad, and having a "relaxation station" ready for after breakfast. She can help prepare this area with a book, stuffed animal, heating pad--whatever she finds comforting. I suggest this "relaxation station" be where you can visually monitor her, rather than in her bedroom.

Hang in there with 3 other kids--I know the drill, and it is rough (I just have one, but he has autism, so he takes a lot of work).

You're doing it! Hang in there!!!

Also: I don't know if you can swing this, but one thing that has helped TONS for me is hired help some mornings. We can't afford it, but a relative is helping. It has been a very big help to me because having another pair of adult hands means a lot with two very demanding children, one with AN, one with autism.

"Hope is a wonderful thing ... but hope by itself is not enough. Hope is the reason to take action, to make a plan and then to change the plan when it isn’t working - over and over and over again if necessary." Hannah Joseph (Let's Feast Friday Reflection, "Just Keep Going," Friday, March 3rd, 2015)
Sara--welcome but so sorry you are here. You have come to the right place for support. My D is 12, when we were refeeding early on & my D would cry. I would hold her & rock her like I did when she was a baby. This seemed to help her calm down faster. It did not last forever but during refeeding she was like a toddler. We started doing this after I read somewhere about touching, physical contact helps the body & mind. D did not like it at first but it worked.

I have 2 other Ds and I explained to them that their sister was very sick & would need special care for awhile. The more weight that goes on, the better it gets.

Having fun in Tween Land.
DX--11 yrs 5 mons (5/12), WR--12 yrs(12/12)
Sara, GLAD you have found us and are here but SORRY it is necessary!!!

Sending warm support,
"Hope is a wonderful thing ... but hope by itself is not enough. Hope is the reason to take action, to make a plan and then to change the plan when it isn’t working - over and over and over again if necessary." Hannah Joseph (Let's Feast Friday Reflection, "Just Keep Going," Friday, March 3rd, 2015)
Welcome, ypu will find lots of support here,I have heard many say Breakfast is the hardest.It gets me thinking, is it because the body gets use to not eating for a long period of time? Just always wondered,anyway Sara warm wishes sent your way
At first, we would lie her down with a quilt, heat pack & the remote control. Later, as soon as she'd eaten, we'd ask her to set up a computer game we could all play which was a good distraction. The younger ones understood that she was ill.

As breakfast seems to be the biggest issue, is it worth waking her up with a glass of oj, or making sure she has a really filling evening snack? Eating can be tougher when they're hungry, paradoxically.
The future is not set; there is no fate but that which we make for ourselves.

"Not my daughter, you bitch." Mrs. Weasley
For safety reasons she needs to be where you can monitor her.
I love YPs idea of a relaxation station!
My D , even now, likes to sit under a large blanket huddled up to a radiator after meals.
For ages I would sit next to her, then hold her when she would let me.
Our kids need to feel safe, their world is so very scary.
Is there anyone who can help you with your other children?
Welcome btw!
Purple 
Where there's a will there's a way.
D would cry in her room at first, then took to crying in the shower where she didn't think she was being herd. I console her until she tells me to leave. D is not allowed to close her doors; they will come off. She made her own "relaxation station" on the floor of her bathroom. She keeps a lambskin rug, pillow and blanket in the cupboard and will literally nap on the floor near the toilet. Evening and nighttime seem to be the worst for D.

My thread may help you.

- three teens and hubby all with special needs; blended family - D18 is Ladybug; fed at home for three months, then inpatient far away for three months. We lost nine family members in that same year including her step-mom,both grandfathers,four uncles - She now insists on living on own - family falling apart.
We bought all of teh seasons of "Charmed" and a bunch of other DVDs. We watched far more television that I ever would have wanted to.......and played lots of games. I am not sure of your situation, but my husband and I would just have to switch off who dealt with our ed daughter and who had the other 2 kids. I frankly had to ask a lot of my older daughter who was only 13 at the time. She took her littler brother (who was 7) into her room to distract him. Our D was a screamer and a thrower......but it only lasted for a month or so and as the weight went on- those behaviors dissappeared and are dead and gone now (thank God). Hang in there.......it will get better.
Persistent, consistent vigilance!